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Where am I going wrong?

Mummy Matters For the past two to three weeks I have been finding Little Bean increasingly hard work and I honestly just don’t know how best to tackle her anymore. I know that children go through phases, I know that I have had tough times with her before and we have come through them and I know that this won’t be the last ‘difficult phase’ by a long shot but this phase has really got me down.

On the whole I think I’m a pretty good Mummy, I spend time with my children doing different activities, I let them do messy play at home, I take them out to the park, for walks, to soft play centres, I read them stories, build them dens, do fancy dress with them, play games with them AND I make sure that they have time to play just by themselves because I want them to be independent BUT I have been a shouty Mum, on rare occasions I have smacked hands or bottoms (through trousers), I have tried time-out, time-in, reflection time, ignoring bad behaviour, praising good but I haven’t found anything that works with Little Bean.

In her latest phase she has begun kicking – anyone and anything. Today she kicked Beanie Boy in the face whilst wearing wellington boots, it wasn’t a leg swinging kick either, it was more of a stamping motion on his face as he tried to hide under a chair with her. She hit Ella over the head with a chunky plastic ring and then later when we got home she held Beanie Boy in a head lock on the floor despite his screaming. She is rude to me, Hubby and Nanna if we try to discipline her. If she doesn’t get her own way she begins by screaming in the most high-pitched scream imaginable and then lashes out (yet still we do not give in so why doesn’t she realise that this tactic doesn’t work??).

Today when she had kicked Beanie Boy in the face we were at a garden centre cafe with Karin, Ella and Sam so I moved her to a vacant sofa and gave her timeout where she continued to scream and shout as loud as she possibly could. I ignored her completely for the duration of the timeout but this did not deter her at all.

I have tried talking to her calmly when she is not in one of her moods to ask her why she thinks she behaves the way that she does and she says “I really don’t know” and I believe her. Little Bean is a gemini and I have always said it is like having twins in one child, she is a total Jekyll & Hyde character, one is the sweetest, kindest, most loving little girl and the other is a complete horror who I cannot handle. What really worries me at the moment though is that this is obviously stressing her out too, she has eczema all over her body and is scratching until she bleeds. I hate to think that my 3 year old daughter is that stressed out but we have seen the same condition with Curly. Whenever he gets stressed out eczema flares up and so it would seem, Little Bean is the same. I have tried doing exercises with her to determine different moods to help her understand her feelings and be able to talk to me but that doesn’t seem to work either.

I am completely lost, again!

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3 Comments

  1. Karin @ Cafe Bebe
    February 1, 2012 / 12:14 pm

    You’re not going wrong. You just haven’t quite found the right solution…it will come. Until then, breathe deep, don’t let her see you sweat and carry on. You know we love you! 😉

    Karin xx

  2. February 3, 2012 / 8:22 am

    Just wanted to say that I can totally relate. My almost 5 year old has been a pain in the butt lately too. He’s always been more challenging but this year has just proven to be much harder. I just had a third baby, so I’m sure that is having some impact on him – though he is so caring and sweet to the baby. I think he’s just pissed at me.

    No advice but hang in there. You’re not the only one going through this.

    • mummymatters
      Author
      February 5, 2012 / 9:36 pm

      Aw, thank you for your comment it’s always nice to know that I’m not alone. Little Bean was always brilliant with Beanie Boy when he was a baby but the second he started to stand up she was much less loving towards him. I do keep looking at friend’s children who I remember being like this when they were 3 and they are lovely now so there is hope yet. Good luck with baby number 3 x

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