My journey to self-awareness
Some people are quite happy to poddle through life taking each day as it comes and not really think about the why, when and where of matters in their life. Personally, I have always taken great interest in finding out more, more about myself, more about what makes me tick and how the things that I do (or don’t do) can affect me and those around me. Over the years my journey to self-awareness has seen me do online numerology tests which have been incredibly accurate in describing me, meditation, seeking counsel from friends and taking psychometric tests. Earlier this month I celebrated my 42nd birthday and so I have been contemplating my journey to self-awareness once more . . .
For as long as I can remember people have often said that I have an ‘old head on young shoulders’. When I was younger I didn’t really know what that meant but now when I look to my own children, I know exactly what they mean because Lillie is a mini-me. She’s not quite 10 years old but her views on life, the way things happen and their outcome; she sounds more like an adult than a child. As a child I knew how to hold a conversation, I put this down to growing up with my Mum, Nanna and Grandad, I was surrounded by adults who loved to talk to me and I loved being around them and feeling like what I had to say was important. This is something that I have tried to take through with me in being the parent.
Moving out of home and becoming the ‘home-maker’ is quite a scary concept but actually I took to this role well. I put this down to the fact that I am a home bird, it’s where I feel most comfortable. I have never had great aspirations to travel the globe, sure I want to see the world but only one holiday at a time. Setting up a home was fun, it had it’s hurdles like suddenly being in control of the finances and making sure that bills were paid on time. Luckily my Mum was a good teacher and again, this is something that I hope to be able to teach my own children in time.
One of the biggest lessons about myself was becoming a parent, it’s not until you become a parent that you realise how big your heart is, how vast is your capacity to love and likewise how much patience (or lack of) you have. It’s taken me a long time but I am finally starting to see that I am a better parent when I have taken time to stop and care for myself too. I spent so long trying to be everything to everyone that my ‘cup ran dry’ and I became a grumpy, horrible person. Now that I am taking time out to go to the gym regularly, to read, to meditate and to give myself the odd morning off, I can see the difference in me and my children. Children watch and copy every little thing you do; if I shout, they shout, if I empathise and show love, so do they. I know which lesson I would rather demonstrate, do you? What will you do to become more self-aware?