When I started up Mummy Matters I intended on using it as a place to write my thoughts and views on different things but also as somewhere that I would eventually announce my fantastic news that I’m pregnant again (because we’ve been trying for a little while now). And now whilst announcing what should be great news we have a cloud over our head, we wanted to wait to tell people our “good” news when we had been for the 12-week scan and everything was ok. Little did we know our happy news would end in miscarriage.
Feeling anxious
![Miscarriage: not quite how I wanted to announce it . . . 1 miscarriage](https://deepinmummymatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/tim-goedhart-334149-unsplash-800x533.jpg)
Last week we were away on holiday and I had a couple of days with some slight spotting. To be on the safe side when I came home I contacted my Doctor who booked me in for an early scan which we went to on Monday. I tried to keep optimistic about it but we had to go to the same ward at my local hospital where we spent most of January and February this year when I had a very long drawn out miscarriage (ending with a stint in A&E).
Not measuring up
So there we were back in the same room, with the same nurse but thankfully a different Sonographer – the Sonographer took one look at the screen and said “oh” – not a positive “oh” I might add. He asked if I was definitely sure about my dates, I confirmed that I was positive I was approximately 9 weeks pregnant. He looked at the screen again and said that unfortunately the baby was only showing at 5 weeks 5 days and he couldn’t see a heartbeat as it was only measuring 4mm (apparently you only see a heartbeat when the fetus is over 6mm???). He said either I had my dates very wrong or the baby has stopped growing and that I would eventually miscarry.
Waiting
I have to go back in a weeks time for a further scan to see if the baby has grown at all. It’s so hard to get my head around all this because I still FEEL very pregnant, I’m still getting lots of nausea, headaches, sore boobs, extreme fatigue and the appetite of an army!
Praying
![Miscarriage: not quite how I wanted to announce it . . . 2 miscarriage](https://deepinmummymatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/ben-white-139141-unsplash-800x534.jpg)
We are hoping and praying that baby is just “on the little side”, after all when we went for the 12-week scan for Baby Bean she only measured just over 10 1/2 weeks. I know that some people suffer many miscarriages and worse but this is so upsetting, we really would like to have a baby close to Baby Bean so that they will bond well but it’s just getting further and further away.
Staying positive
Every time I feel upset about the baby that I have already lost and the baby that I am carrying I take one look at Baby Bean and I’m reminded just how lucky I am, she is my world and brings so much joy to my life. Keeping my fingers crossed . . . .
![Miscarriage I know that many people suffer a miscarriage but this is so upsetting. Now we have to play the waiting game to see whether our baby will become viable or not.](https://deepinmummymatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/MISCARRIAGE.jpg)