Not so strong . . .
Looks can be deceiving can’t they. I’ve had quite a few people recently telling me “you’re amazing” and “I don’t know how you do it all” because that’s what they perceive when they see me with my Beans or from the odd posts they see on my blog. The truth is, I actually feeling a little like I’m failing at treading water at the moment (incidentally, I suck at treading water!!). As the Summer holidays approached I was full of optimism, excitement and plans for a fun Summer with my Beans but when reality set in, I found it all overwhelming, chaotic and downright stressful.
Don’t get me wrong, we did have fun days but virtually every day started or ended with tears from me and/or the Beans. Perhaps it was suddenly being thrust together for such long periods at a time, perhaps I tried to do too much with them, I don’t know. From the moment that Hubby left for work each morning the arguments and fighting would begin. I tried to ignore it as much as possible and let them get on with it, but it’s draining and very often got way out of hand. That then seemed to set the tone for the day.
I tried to give them time to be on their own in their rooms, time to relax or be creative and time to get out and let off steam but you could pretty much guarantee that if one wanted to do something, the other two didn’t and yet more arguing would ensue.
Our house has been a bomb site for the majority of the Summer too, we had the wall knocked out between the kitchen and dining room so that didn’t help matters. The tilers finished this week and finally we are able to see the end result and are so happy with it but the rest of the house has become a dumping ground for everything that was evicted from the dining room or kitchen. Now it’s time to start working my way through the rest of the house.
Little Bean didn’t get on too well over the Summer, we seemed to fall out daily and this upsets me very much. As my only daughter my hope is that we will always be the best of friends but sadly she has very little respect for me and I don’t know how to make it better. Her ‘lack of’ eating is getting worse but I feel I may be on the verge of finding some answers to this (more to follow in a separate post soon).
I barely found any time to work during the school holidays or even in the past week since they started back as something always seems to come up and I hate to let people down, it’s just not in my nature. Poor Jelly Bean has had a rough week this week with an unexpected admittence to hospital and is still suffering the after-effects of it now.
I’m screaming inside for some ‘me’ time but there are just too many demands at the moment for such a luxury. I keep telling myself that I’m strong like people say but actually I’m not so sure. Everyone has a breaking point and I believe that I am fast approaching mine.
This isn’t a ‘cry for help’ or a callout for sympathy, but Mummy Matters is a record of our life and that includes the bad times as well as the good x