Just another phase?

“Oh its just another phase” – isn’t that what people always say to you when you whinge for the hundredth time about whatever tantrums your toddler/pre-schooler has been going through of late? That’s what I keep getting at the moment and I know that people are right but just for once I would like someone to say “ah yes I have the answer to that problem” but I know its not going to happen.

Mummy Matters The ‘phase’ that we are currently going through with Little Bean (again!) is the backchatting and I’m-going-to-do-everything-that-you-tell-me-not-to phase and I can honestly say I feel like I’m losing my marbles. I REALLY need to find a new way of disciplining her without losing my temper and becoming a shouty Mum but I just don’t know how. I get so frustrated with “please don’t do that”, “no, I said stop”, “will you just STOP” and still she doesn’t listen, there has to be another way. I have been told to try whispering – which I know does work well as a form of discipline, I still remember my biology teacher Mr Willerton, he barely raised his voice above a whisper and it was honestly quite menacing – I remember he shouted once and we all nearly fell off our chairs! But I’m not sure whispering is for me, I can’t even do that quietly. On a good day I’m pretty good at ignoring bad behaviour and praising good but I’m not sure what happened to the good days, I think they went on holiday and decided to emigrate?

So how DO you tackle a back-chatting three year old who retorts with “no Mummy, I’m just going to do this now” every time you tell her not to? I’m not sure how many more times my over-emotional self can take being told “you always shout Mummy and you’re not very nice”, is there a Mummy bootcamp I can go on to be better at discipline or it is just another phase I’m going through too?



    November 3, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Hi Sabina Just for the record you are a fab Mum 🙂 xx ….What about time in with her … bet you do this anyway lol …. take her from what she’s doing, explain what she has done so she understands what isn’t acceptable and you sit down or keep her with you at your side whatever you are doing turning all outside stuff off ie radios tvs etc: and ignore her for a few mins and do it every time she does it what do they say 3 weeks to change a behaviour .. Good luck hon xxx

    1. mummymatters

      November 3, 2011 at 1:09 pm

      Do you know, I haven’t tried this one with her but I did think about it the other day and then promptly forgot because I was too busy shouting! I think I need a refresher course, was it really 3 weeks to change a behaviour? GUTTED!! But thanks xx

  • Managing Mayhem

    November 3, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Unfortunately I don’t have the answers. I do have the same questions though and lots of empathy!

    Might give the wispering a ago, haven’t hear that one before – It might combat our “shouting everything we say” phase.

    If you find the solution, let me in on the secret.

    1. mummymatters

      November 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      I will be sure to shout about it IF I ever find the magic answer 😉 good luck with the whispering!

  • motherofintention

    November 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    um…..you know this ‘it’s another phase?’…..childhood is one long string of phases! So don a hard hat, stock up on chocolate and wine and steel yourself.

    Do you use the naughty step? It was the only thing that worked with Bam. The first time i literally spent 45 mins putting him back on it. But eventually he got the idea, and now just the threat of naughty step is enough to get him to behave.

    I have always found that with all these phases, I always reached the stage you seem to be at just as the phase was coming to an end.

    I can’t really offer any advice, just oodles of sympathy.

    1. mummymatters

      November 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      Chocolate and wine? Oh go on then you’ve twisted my arm!

      I have used the naughty step but it doesn’t seem to have much effect on her, it did to begin with but its definitely lost its effect now but thank you for the sympathy, fingers crossed you’re right and we are coming to the end of this phase!

  • Sarah

    November 3, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Dare I say it……sticker charts! I have same issue with H as she is copying B at the mo. I started sticker charts with them 2 weeks ago and I am amazed at how well it has worked. Now when she starts I remind her she will not get her sticker if she continues and that if she has a time out then sticker lost. So far she has had no time outs since starting it and last week achieved her goal and got a Barbie!! Time in or out will work within this but it concentrates on the good points in the long term! Good Luck!

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