Friendship is a precious thing. Over the past few months and years, I’ve had many moments where I’ve reflected on the nature of friendship—why some thrive and others simply fade away. I will never forget a quote an old friend once told me that I’ve often held dear: “Friendships last for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” It’s a quote that offers comfort and clarity, especially when facing friendship problems.
Best Friendship Advice from Lived Experience
I have joked in the past with my children’s godparents that I rarely have friendships that last longer than 5 to 10 years. I have teased friends saying they were already on the downward slope, so they should make the most of it! But truly, if I didn’t value them deeply, I wouldn’t have asked them to be such an important part of my daughter’s life. If you’re reading this, Mrs. ELH and Mrs. WAW, you are officially my longest-standing friend group with whom I stay in regular contact—and I want to keep this friendship alive and well.
Dealing with Friendship Drift
Thanks to the magic of Facebook, I’ve reconnected with people from my school days and previous jobs. But despite rekindling those ties online, I haven’t seen most of them in person since we were teenagers. It’s not due to any disagreement or fallout. Life just moved us in different directions. It happens. People grow, and the landscape around friendship often shifts with time and responsibilities.
Some friendships naturally slip through the cracks. It could be due to relocation, misunderstandings, or simply a lack of time. Sometimes I grieve the loss of those connections more than I let on. I’ll think of someone fondly and then remember we haven’t spoken in years. That doesn’t mean the friendship didn’t matter—it did, deeply.
Making Friends in a Busy World
Making friends as an adult is hard enough. Keeping them can be even tougher. Technology makes it easier—your friends are often just a click away—but that doesn’t mean it’s simple. Take blogging, for instance. When I started, I aimed to post daily. Now, I’m lucky if I write weekly. Life is chaotic, and despite wanting to make more of an effort, sometimes the to-do list wins.
When I left school at 18, I went straight into full-time work while many of my peers headed off to university. Most of those friendships dwindled with time. I’m not proud of letting that happen, but I know I’m not alone. If you’re in the same boat, you’re not failing—you’re just trying to cope with life’s many demands.
When Friendship Meets Family Life
Friendship dynamics change rapidly when you settle down. I entered a serious relationship and suddenly couldn’t go out as much. My friends kept partying and moved abroad for exciting new careers. Slowly, those friendships changed—not always from conflict but because we were no longer in sync.
When that relationship ended, I moved to a different city, started a new job, and essentially had to rebuild my life from scratch. Some of my most meaningful friendships didn’t survive that transition. One friend in particular felt like a sister to me. I still carry that loss. We became friends through mutual trust and affection, but the fallout and misunderstandings created distance we’ve never quite bridged. This is where having advice to help navigate emotions around friendship becomes invaluable.
Mummy Friends and Real-Life Shifts
When Baby Bean was born, I found a friend group of mums with daughters the same age. We did everything together—baby groups, soft play, you name it. But as some of us returned to work, the dynamic changed. We’re still friends, but it’s not like it used to be. As any parent knows, maintaining a social life while working and raising kids is no small feat. Sometimes, you just have to let it go and accept that friendship can evolve.
Now, things are shifting again. SuperSingleMum is returning to work, and MumtoJ is moving across the globe. I want to support them, and I want to keep this friendship strong, but experience tells me this won’t be easy.
My Personal Message to You
When that relationship broke down, I had to move to a new area, make new friends, get a new job, and start my life over. Again, my friendships as I knew them all began to change apart from the two ladies I mentioned earlier, who I still see now. One particular friendship, which I regret losing at this period in my life, was as close to me as a sister. When I moved away, I don’t know if I was more upset at the breakdown of my relationship or at moving away from my best friend. I thought this was a friendship for life, but sadly, due to fallout and misunderstandings, this was not to be. We have since established contact again, but I fear this friendship will never be the same again. Our lives have moved on; we live a fair distance apart and cannot spend time together as we used to, but it is a friendship I will always treasure.
To all my friends—past, present, and future—please know this: If you are in my life, it’s because you are important to me. Even if we don’t talk often, I think about you more than you know. You might have felt I forgot, but I haven’t. I’m just always the one juggling too many things at once. If our friendship hasn’t made it to today, please know you shaped who I am. And for that, I thank you.
What Makes a Friend?
A friend is someone you can call day or night without hesitation, someone who lifts your self-esteem, someone who’d drop everything for you without asking why. A friend might challenge you, but never make you feel bad or uncomfortable. In a world full of noise, friendship offers peace.
Friendship isn’t always easy. Even good friendships go through rough patches. Here are a few tips to help if you’re navigating friendship problems:
- Try to talk: Open up. A good friend would want to understand how you feel.
- Say sorry: If something went wrong, own your part. It can make things less painful.
- Set boundaries: Healthy friendships require mutual respect.
- Be mindful: Consider how your words and actions might affect others.
- Reach out for help: If you’re struggling, talk to someone you trust or a counsellor.
You might find it useful to read this article on how to manage friendships from Childline or explore Mind UK’s advice for more guidance on dealing with friendship and unhealthy relationships.
Making New Friends and Moving Forward
Making new friends can feel daunting, especially when you’re grieving the loss of a close bond. But it’s never too late to start again. You can find friends through local events, message boards, or even online communities based on similar interests. If you feel pressured or overwhelmed, take a step back. You deserve good friendships that nourish your soul.
Sometimes, a breakup with a friend feels as painful as any romantic split. Allow yourself space to grieve. Talk to someone. Write your feelings down. Being mindful of your emotional needs helps you heal and grow into a better friend in the long run.
If you’ve ever felt this way, want to talk, or share your experiences, I invite you to leave a comment or reach out. You are not alone. Whether you’re making friends, holding on to a dear friend group, or dealing with friendship shifts, know that your feelings are valid and shared by many of us. Let’s be kind, considerate, and always willing to offer advice and support where it’s needed most.
[This post was inspired by The Nature of Friendship over at SuperSingleMum.]
Do you have friendships that you regret losing? Do you wish that you could find a way back? Is it ever too late? What makes a friend to you?