Friendship is a precious thing

Over the past few months/years, I’ve had many times where I’ve questioned friendship and why some work and some don’t. Recently, my friend at SuperSingleMum wrote a post, The Nature of Friendship, where she put a quote that I’ve often used before (in my head) about friendship lasting for life, a season, or a reason. I think this is a very true measure of friendship and helps to explain where some have gone.

Make the most of friendship

Whilst out recently with Baby Bean’s Godmothers, I joked that I don’t really have friendships that last longer than 5-10 years, and so they were already on the downward slope out of my life, so “make the most of it.” That is not how I feel about them, or else I wouldn’t have asked them to play such a big part in my daughter’s life. If you’re reading this, Mrs. ELH and Mrs. WAW, you are now officially my oldest friends with whom I keep in constant contact!!

Thank you, Facebook

Thanks to the medium Facebook, I have re-established contact with old friends from primary school, grammar school, and old workplaces, which have been fantastic, but I haven’t actively seen or spoken to anyone since my school days. This isn’t because we have fallen out or I can’t be bothered. It is simply because our lives have taken us in different directions, and time has passed quickly.

There are a handful of friendships that I have let slip by the wayside that I am very sad about, some due to life, some to misunderstandings, some to relocation and lack of effort, but I think about these people often.

Making time for friends

Technology has been a big help, as now many friends are only a click of a button away, but sometimes even that is hard. Take writing my blog; ideally, when I started this, I aimed to do one post daily, but these can be rather sporadic. I can’t remember the last time I just sat down in an evening and just did “nothing”—I” always seem to have something on the go; every night, I say, “Tonight I’m going to have an early night,” and every night I get there about 11.30 pm! Not so early, then!!!

I left school at 18 and went straight into full-time work, choosing not to attend university. Pretty much straight away, most of my school friendships dwindled as everyone else headed around the country to college/university or work like me. I had the odd one or two friends with whom I stayed in touch, but sadly, these slowly dwindled, too. These are friendships, which I’m sad to lose, as there was no argument, no big scenes; we just drifted.

Time flies

Contact has been regained throughout my life, but I’m sorry to say, from my side, the contact has been allowed to slip again. I’m great at prioritising and writing lists in my work so nothing gets missed. At home, I’m not so good. I have 1001 jobs to do, but they are all in my head, and sometimes they get remembered but then forgotten in minutes when the phone rings or the cooker beeps. I think I will do that tomorrow, next week, and next month, and oh no, it’s been over a year!

Sisters before Misters?

Occasionally, I ran into friends socially, but even before leaving school, many of my best friends were from outside. After a few years, I entered my first serious relationship, which again changed the dynamics of my friendships. Suddenly, I was running a house and couldn’t afford to go out as much as I “settled down.” My friends carried on with the partying and sometimes left the country to take on new careers. From time to time, we would catch up with each other, but our friendships were never the same again, and these are some of the friendships I regret losing.

Time to say goodbye?

When that relationship broke down, I had to move to a new area, make new friends, get a new job, and start my life over. Again, my friendships as I knew them all began to change apart from the two ladies I mentioned earlier, who I still see now. One particular friendship, which I regret losing at this period in my life, was as close to me as a sister. When I moved away, I don’t know if I was more upset at the breakdown of my relationship or at moving away from my best friend. I thought this was a friendship for life, but sadly, due to fallout and misunderstandings, this was not to be. We have since established contact again, but I fear this friendship will never be the same again. Our lives have moved on; we live a fair distance apart and cannot spend time together as we used to, but it is a friendship I will always treasure.

Mummy Friends

Then there are the friends who I made when Baby Bean was born. Initially, there was a group of 7 of us who all had daughters of a similar age, so we spent lots of time together, both at the local children’s centre or doing activities we had arranged ourselves. But again, life moved on, and the dynamics changed when some returned to work part-time. I wouldn’t say we have grown apart, but we are not how we used to be. As all parents know, bringing up children is a busy job, and if you are a working parent, too, it is even busier. You still need to do the housework, the shopping, and catch up with family and friends—not all of whom will have been made since having your children. If you only have 2 days off a week, that’s not enough time to get things done AND keep up a social diary.

Now, I am reaching a point where I fear friendship dynamics are about to make a change. SuperSingleMum is about to return to work, and MumtoJ is moving to the other side of the world! These are friendships that I’m very keen to hang on to, but from experience, I know that this could be a tough one.

My personal message

So to all my friends, past, present, and future—I want you to know that I do not take on friends lightly; if you are in my life, it is because you are important to me. My friends often mean as much to me as my family. If I do not see or speak to you, it does not mean I do not think about you. I probably think about you more than you’d imagine, but always, something will happen to distract me, and you get pushed back in your mind until the next time you crop up again. To all my friends from the past, I’m sorry if our friendship has not made it to the present; you were very important to me, and I’m happy to say that your involvement in my life has made me part of who I am today—so for that, I thank you. I hope that you are happy xx

What makes a friend?

Someone who you can call upon day or night and you won’t be turned away, someone who makes you laugh and/or cry, someone you would trust with your life (or your children), someone who loves you just for being “you”!

Do you have friendships that you regret losing? Do you wish that you could find a way back? Is it ever too late? What makes a friend?