Being a parent isn’t easy. Sometimes it all gets a bit too much . . . I don’t think there could be any parent that would disagree with me no matter what their age/status and if there is they are extremely lucky. Although what I would say is that without the hard times, how can we truly appreciate the good? Our Beans are all very spirited little people who like to test their boundaries, they like to see just how far they can push you. Sometimes it can be a little, sometimes it can be a lot; it all depends on how I’m feeling on any particular day and what the day involves.
Last week was a really hard week for me and I ended up in tears every day as a result of how stressed out I felt by my life in general and how much the Beans were pushing my buttons. Most of the time this still centres around mealtimes as that’s when things always seem to come to a head. One day in particular last week I wasn’t proud of my actions at all, I shouted and threw one of their (plastic) plates of food out into the garden when they refused to eat it. I felt very silly afterwards and took myself out of the situation to cool off in the playroom, I guess I put myself into time-out. As a result however, Curly made me very proud as he took charge and encouraged the little ones to stay in their seats to finish their tea without issue, cleared up the mess I had created and then found me to apologise for what had happened as he had been the catalyst that had started the others messing about at the dinner table. He said that he was old enough to know better and that in itself made me cry even more. I too apologised to all the Beans for my actions but I felt totally drained by the time it came to bedtime.
Today I’m heading to London all by myself which doesn’t happen often and I am grateful to be able to take this opportunity to leave the boys with Nanny and Grandad, for as much as I adore my Beans even I need a break from them from time to time. I’ve no doubt I will be bursting to see them on my return and give them all a big hug but for now I’m loving the peace and quiet and the chance to just be ‘me’. This week is a new week and I really hope that things will be better as I definitely don’t want a repeat performance.