Feeling guilty

I feel awful tonight, I feel guilty.

My day started at 6.00am when I awoke to the sound of Beanie Boy choking or gagging.  Hubby and I both scrambled out of bed as quickly as possible and burst into his room to see him sitting up looking very hot and bothered.  He hadn’t been sick but he was gagging like he wanted to be sick and so we took him to the bathroom where he stood over the toilet but didn’t actually bring anything up.  His face was bright red and he had a temperature of 38.1C.  We stripped him down and gave him some Calpol then took him back to his bedroom.  When he is poorly he only wants Mummy and there was no way that he wanted to go back to bed.  I have never asked him before but this morning I asked if he wanted to come and lay down with Mummy and he said yes.  So he came and laid in the middle of our bed with the covers off him and just lay looking me in the eye.  I was due to get up at 6.30am anyway as Little Bean, Beanie Boy and myself were due to head to London for the day for a blogging event.  I asked Hubby what his thoughts were since I wasn’t sure that I should take Beanie Boy bearing in mind his current condition, yet I knew that Little Bean was really looking forward to her train ride and adventure in London because I don’t take her to many blogging events anymore.  Hubby said that he could stay at home if necessary with Beanie Boy and so we decided to see how he was by the time I left.

We stayed that way for about 30 minutes and then he said that he wanted to go downstairs so Hubby took him downstairs where he then told Hubby he wanted breakfast.  He ate a good bowl full of cereal but still felt quite hot so we gave him some Calprofen and he settled himself in the playroom with his teddy to watch Dinosaur Train.  When I came down for my breakfast I wasn’t expecting to see my little man dancing around the kitchen to Justin’s Hands Up but he was and he looked like a completely different toddler altogether.  Hubby remembered that he had a meeting which he needed to attend and so I decided that since he was a changed boy he would probably be ok to go so we all set off on our adventure.

Beanie Boy had his morning milk when we boarded the train and within minutes he was asleep (nothing unusual) and slept for about half of the journey.  Once we had arrived at Kings Cross we set off on our trek across London in the glorious sunshine.  Beanie Boy had taken control of Little Bean’s teddy bear and cuddled her for dear life but as we walked I noticed he was ‘drooping’ a little to the side.  I thought he had perhaps fallen asleep again but he hadn’t, he had slumped to the middle and was leaning against Little Bean who proceeded to cuddle him and stroke his head.  He was in a very sombre mood and was definitely not his usual self.

We arrived at the blogging event and he got straight down to business playing with the toys and the other children but within half an hour appeared at my side visibly shivering.  I picked him up and he felt so hot and clammy.  I checked the time and saw that I could give him some more Calpol and so he had his next dose but continued to cling to Mummy.  He left my side briefly to have lunch with one of the PR ladies and had a little play but within half an hour was back at my side against asking to sit on my knee.  This time when I picked him up I expected him to feel cooler (because of the Calpol) but if anything he felt hotter.  I realised that I had run out of the Calprofen sachets and so one of the lovely PR ladies popped out to Boots to get some for him which he gladly took.  Half an hour later he was a different child again, playing, laughing and having fun.

On the train on the way home he was in reasonably good spirits and enjoyed the ride but the minute we got back home he began sweating profusely again, was beetroot red in the face, unbelievably hot (now 41C) and very upset.  He had cuddles with Nanny and Grandad but ultimately it was Mummy who he wanted and so I took him straight to the Doctors.  Despite his ‘bug’ over the last couple of weeks, he had seemed much better these last few days and so I had put his episodes today down to teething (he is always bad with his teeth) but when the Doctor checked him over he said that he had a really inflamed throat and prescribed antibiotics for a throat infection.  I felt terrible, had I known I would never have taken him down to London today.  We did all have such a lovely day but I hate to think that I made him feel worse by dragging him out for the day when clearly he should have been tucked up in bed.