The past few months I have watched Little Bean’s relationship with her Daddy blossom and grow. She has always spread herself pretty evenly between the two of us but since I am a stay-at-home Mum we obviously spend lots of quality time together doing lots of fun things. She’s a funny girl because the person who she gravitates towards each day is the person who she first sees when she wakes in the morning. On a normal week day she will be a Mummy’s girl but more often than not at a weekend she will wake up to Daddy’s face and will only want him for the rest of the day.
Now as you’re probably aware we have been moving house since last Wednesday and so Daddy has been off work and getting up early to make the most of each day. Since he has been the first person she has seen each day she hasn’t wanted to know me in the slightest!
I love to see her face light up when Daddy enters the room and scoops her into his arms for a “big Daddy squidge”, it melts my heart. Yesterday morning she woke at 6.30am! On a Sunday morning!!!! So I plucked her out of her bed and tried to encourage her to cuddle up to me and Daddy in our bed in the hope that she might drift off again – no chance! But what she did do will remain etched in my memory forever, she shuffled herself as close to Daddy as she could and laid down next to him with her face laying on Daddy’s cheek and she looked so content and happy. If I could have got out of my bed fast enough to get a camera without disturbing her I would have done because it would have made a gorgeous picture but I knew I couldn’t so I had to settle for a mental picture instead.
Whilst all of this is lovely and heart-warming to a certain extent I feel bruised and a little “unloved” because my little girl doesn’t want me. In my heart I know that she loves me and Daddy can never be Mummy but I do sometimes feel like a poor substitute. Last night when we got in from a day out I sat on the sofa and gave her a cuddle, she seemed really happy and content. But then Daddy came in and sat down so both Little Bean and Curly went over and cuddled up with Daddy leaving me all alone like an outcast. I’m guessing its just my hormones, they are my babies and nothing will ever stop me loving them but I definitely felt rejected. Maybe when my little boy is here I’ll have someone on my sofa??
Do you ever feel like this? How do you tell yourself to snap out of it???