The first stages of dating someone is always fascinating. Sparks fly, it’s full of passion, and you can feel like you’ve found a best friend as well as a lover. Sometimes, though, after the romance fades, you may realise that what felt like love was probably more lust. Whilst you find yourself laughing at everything your date or partner says, annoyingly, it feels they are now more of a friend.
This can happen at any stage of a relationship, whether it’s been two weeks or ten years. Yet, this isn’t a bad thing. And despite the way we tend to treat this sort of situation, it’s okay to be friends still if that works for you.
Step Back
Remember that if you feel heartbroken, it’s good to step back and give things time to mend. This includes no contact whatsoever until you feel healed. And yes, that also means no scrolling through their socials or late-night phone calls. It’s essential to make sure that attraction is gone to avoid anything resurfacing.
When the time’s right, get back in contact and see how they feel about things. Of course, the first stages of being friends with an ex may be a bit awkward, and you might wonder if you’re doing the right thing. So, think about the reasons you wanted to be with them in the first place, like your common interests, but don’t get to that point where you are starting to fall for them again. It’s best to avoid on-again, off-again relationships.
When you meet up, treat them like you would a good friend. Focus on having fun and talk about life in general without dwelling on the past. If you’re finding it too hard, then you might need more time. Otherwise, start rebuilding any potentially broken bridges.
Have Patience
Of course, if you reach out and don’t get a response, it can feel tense. However, don’t let that dampen things. It could be an unexpected message for them, or maybe they still need more time. You might know how you’re feeling, but you don’t know how they are feeling.
Try not to go in all guns blazing by either being over-the-top positive as if nothing happened or getting annoyed if they don’t respond straight away. You also want to make sure you aren’t sending mixed messages and are confusing. Especially if you are the one that ended it, this could ruin the chances of any friendship kicking off again. After all, no one is a mind reader and whether you are talking to a friend or ex-lover, feeling puzzled is never nice.
Therefore, you may need to wait for a little before getting a response. You might have to send a follow up after a while. But don’t overdo it and be respectful of both theirs and your own feelings, too!
Take It Slowly
Once you have made contact, it’s important to take meetups slowly. Feelings may still be raw, and if you want this friendship to work, you don’t want to rush into things. This means no going to romantic spots and especially no visits to ‘your special place’. That includes old hangouts or locations attached to lots of memories.
Even though you have a history, it’s always good to start things almost like a new friendship. Of course, you will already know a lot about each other, but suddenly meeting up every day and treating each other as besties might end up being a bit too much. It could even lead to reminding you why you split in the first place. And although it may be hard to face, if you or your ex is in a new relationship, constantly meeting up won’t be fair to the new person.
So, taking things slowly will mean that no misplaced feelings occur.
From having a break to being patient and taking things slowly, it is definitely possible to stay friends with an old flame.
You might also like these posts on relationships and friendship:
