Arguments are an inevitable part of being married, and nearly everyone goes into marriage knowing that they’re going to have spats over something or another.
Conflict is sometimes good and almost always natural, but it’s when conflicts start to arise constantly over tiny, silly things, then it might be time to take a step back and reconsider what might be going wrong.
Is there a lack of communication when there needs to be more? Is it an issue with tone? Are one of you not approaching the conversation without hostility already present?
It’s not easy fighting with a spouse, and fighting with a spouse with kids around is even rougher on both the two of you and your kids.
So, if an argument is avoidable (as silly arguments often are), then it’s good to have the tools to end the argument early and civilly while still resolving the issue that caused it.
Little Things Can Add Up
When couples spend a lot of time together, it’s only natural that tensions might begin to build.
Maybe one day, it’s a coffee cup left on the living room table that left a coffee ring you had to clean. Next, it’s not replacing the toilet paper when it runs out.
Finally, the thing that really tips the scale is a load of laundry left unhung for hours on end in the machine. These are all little things that can build up and grate on your nerves, especially when you’re all in close quarters, thanks to the COVID-19 lockdown.
One of the best ways to stop arguing is to keep the arguments from happening entirely via open communication and honesty.
It might not be possible to keep an argument from happening, though, because little things will always go wrong. It’s just part of life. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much things are bothering us until we reach a breaking point.
There are, though, some easy tips that you can follow to make sure that a discussion about wrongdoing doesn’t turn into a massive fiasco that the whole family will be able to hear.
Keeping it a Discussion
A major thing to keep in mind is remembering that resolving conflict should start as a conversation, not an argument. Try to keep things civil. Don’t raise your voice, even if your spouse raises theirs first.
Use a firm tone to show that you’re serious, but don’t use a tone that could be misconstrued as aggressive or argumentative–that’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid!
Watch your language, too. Resist the urge to shoot back at any barbs your spouse might throw at you with declarations that are all-encompassing.
This means not saying things like “You always do X!” or “You never Y!”. These are surefire ways to start an argument because it feels like an attack on the character instead of a dislike of an action.
Keep the conversation focused on the action, not on the person, to avoid coming across as confrontational.
Another great tip is to refrain from making the conversation about winning. The key difference between a discussion and an argument is that there is no winner in a discussion while someone is always trying to win an argument.
Resist the urge to prove that your point is the correct point and the only valid perspective.
The most important thing, though, is to listen. Actively listen to what your spouse says, and take a few moments to reflect on their perspective. You don’t have to agree with it, but validating it can go a long way.
Stress Relief
When tensions are high, it’s a good idea to cool down and take a break. It might be hard with lockdown living right now, but try to take some time for you and your spouse to spend alone with each other.
Maybe sneak away to the bedroom for some snacks stolen from the kitchen or something a little more adult once the kids have been put to bed.
Active sex life can help reduce stress in a relationship, and it might help promote communication afterwards while you’re lying in bed together.
However, too much sex could be a sign of a deeper issue. If you think your spouse might be a sex addict or struggle with these sorts of concerns yourself, try taking this quiz here for more information.
It’s important to take time to decompress individually, too. Part of being in a healthy relationship is taking care of yourself – relationships involve giving, but they also involve accepting assistance when you need it.
Final Thoughts
Arguments over things that seem silly, petty, or otherwise unimportant in the grand scheme of things can, unfortunately, be some of the most common.
One of the main reasons behind this phenomenon is a simple lack of knowledge about how to communicate effectively yet still genuine.
The tips outlined in this article are a great start, but never hesitate to consult a medical health professional (like a couples counsellor) for further assistance if you deem it necessary.
