I should start this post by saying that I CHOSE to be a stay-at-home Mum and I am very happy with my choice. To quote a friend recently, I BECAME a Mum, to BE a Mum. I didn’t choose Motherhood so that someone else could bring up my children and benefit from the joy that my children can bring. I want to be the person who is there for them when they laugh, cry or want to just be. I want to do the school runs, the School fetes, the plays, the pantos and the like. I want to be their Mum! I know that I am a very lucky Mummy, because I know that there are thousands of Mum’s out there who would just love the chance to stay at home with their children as I do with mine, and I don’t take that lightly.
BUT! I’m a little fed up with the ‘tag’ which seems to go with a stay-at-home Mum. “Oh yeah, she’s at home all day, she doesn’t do anything” because you know what, I would LOVE the opportunity to just ‘do nothing’. In my job as a stay-at-home Mum, I am housekeeper, cook, personal shopper, banker, cleaner, driver, home secretary, entertainer and oh did I forget to mention that I am also self-employed doing a number of different jobs for different people from home as well as writing my blog?
In the nearly 18 months since Beanie Boy came along I don’t feel like my feet have touched the ground, it has been a very tough learning curve trying to juggle work from home with a pre-schooler and a new baby. I have seen my friendship circle dwindle further during this time because I just don’t have the time to meet up with everyone as I used to and recently I have received a number of messages from ‘friends’ saying that I don’t make the effort anymore. I text, call and visit friends when I can. Admittedly my timescale might not be to everyone else’s liking but I DO MY BEST! Sometimes I might receive a text just at the right time and be able to text back straight away, sometimes I could be up to my eyes in a soiled nappy and with all the best intentions I think to myself I will respond in a minute only to remember just as I am climbing into bed at 1am.
I see Mums standing around having a chat after the school run in a morning and think to myself, I’d like to stand and talk too but I have to get home to get started on work, to put Beanie Boy to bed and make every minute count until I have to collect Little Bean from school.
I have had friends who ask me “why haven’t I been to see them”. I have visited their house countless times but when I think about it, they haven’t visited my house since I moved or since Beanie Boy was born, so that’s 18 months. Why is it down to me?
Over the years I think I’ve been a pretty good friend to most of my friends, I wonder how many of my friends which I have lost since Beanie Boy has come along can actually say that they asked ‘me’ how I was feeling or how I was coping as a new Mum. I found being a mum to two very hard work in the beginning, a number of times I have wondered whether I might have a touch of PND but I’ve just told myself I’m being silly and have got on with it. I know that I am a good listener and I know that I have been there for my friends who have had difficult times but there have only been a small handful of friends who have made the time to ask me ‘how I am’.
When Hubby and I were lucky enough to go to France for the weekend recently, we left Little Bean and Beanie Boy at home with Hubby’s parents for a day, Hubby’s sister overnight and for the morning and then my Mum had them for the remaining day and a half. They all found it hard going, our children are gorgeous but they are very spirited children, they wear you out easily. My Mum often says to me, “I don’t know how you do it all day on your own with them”. I just do it, they are my children and I love them but being a stay-at-home Mum isn’t all coffee and cake. I just thought you should know!
NB: If you are reading this and feel offended by it then my only response would be “if the cap fits then yes I probably am talking about you”.
Well said. I get this too even though I’m self employed. My mum and my sister assume I do nothing all day. It drives me nuts when my mum rings in the middle of the day for “chat”, has nothing to tell me but just thought I might want the company – I love my mum with all my heart but she doesn’t seem to understand that I actually “work” from home! My husband is another; he sees me at the computer most of the day and thinks I’m useless. We get people calling in the middle of the day for coffee, assuming I’ll just drop everything, like the magazine I was reading or the program I was watching etc… GRRRRR. Rant over, lol.
CJ x
Rant away, always happy to know that I am not alone in my thoughts/feelings. I know exactly how you feel, it’s not that you don’t appreciate people’s intentions sometimes it’s just difficult isn’t it xx
Hope you’re ok hun, text me if you have a mo and want to rant xxxx
Text on it’s way x
I agree totally with the sit at home on your bum all day tag nothing could be further from the truth. However I have learnt the hard way that sometimes you have to make time for yourself. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the mile long list of chores you have to do and the work you have to complete all in record time but sometime you have to say I AM going to take a couple of hours off and visit friends or invite them round. What is wrong with allowing yourself 5 mins to stand and chat with the other mum’s after the school run? Does it matter if some chores don’t get done or some errands are left until tomorrow? Of course it doesn’t it is the pressure we put ourselves under to be ‘supermum’ that is the problem. Does hubby come home and moan because you haven’t mopped the kitchen floor or hoovered the lounge? I doubt it as you married him! Friends are the people we turn to in our hour of need or moan to when we are having a bad day they are THE most important people in our lives after our families, without friends life becomes very lonely. I agree friends can make an effort just as much as you can but perhaps if they saw you making the effort they would too. Perhaps they feel guilty asking to visit when they know how busy you are? I got totally obsessed with trying to be supermum trust me it only ends in disaster, you will be a far better mum if you give yourself a break as you will be happier, less tired and less stressed. Take care and look after yourself xxx
Thank you for your comment and support, I’ll see you at the school gates for a chat 😉 x
i am stay home mum and carer for my very ill husband who need 24 hours care i do’nt sat down i am get up at 5.30 every day i don’t get any help with my son 13 or husband i do every thing in the home i am not lazy i work long hours