Now you are single, either divorced or widowed and on your own. You are now realizing that single motherhood, probably a job, and thinking about developing a social life as a single all come with lots of challenges. Let’s take a look at the changes and challenges and how you can navigate this new “world” you’ve now been thrust into.
In this article, there will be three categories of challenges – motherhood, balancing job/career, and social life as a single Mum. And you’ll be getting some tips on how to emerge happy and successful.
Single Motherhood
Depending on the age of your children, you may have very different challenges.
If your kids are young, you are now solely responsible for being active in their daily lives. They must get to daycare or school on time; they want to be involved in activities, and you want them to be. They need balanced meals, they need to complete their homework, and they need transportation to and from their activities. Especially if you are a widow, you are the “chief cook and bottle washer; you are the chauffeur; you are the parent attending their games or being involved in their clubs and organizations. The demands on your time and energy are greater than ever before.
If you are divorced, of course, your ex-husband should be shouldering some of these responsibilities. Hopefully, that is the case. Because you are not doing everything solo, you can breathe a bit more than the widow.
How do you meet all of these challenges and keep your sanity?
Some Key Tips
The most important solution is organization. You will need to organize your life like you have never done before. You will need a master calendar for your obligations as well as those for your children. And there will be times when you cannot do it all. Accept that and be at peace with it.
Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. If you have more than one child, there will be scheduling conflicts. You cannot be in two places at once. When this happens, alternate which child gets your presence and which child will need to be without you.
Find other single mums with whom you can share some responsibilities. There are plenty out there. May your child who plays football have a teammate whose mum is also single. Share transportation and be both mums at a game, cheering on both kids and taking them for ice cream after the game. And if the kids are young, share babysitting too.
Schedule your evenings. Dinner is served. Then, clean up. Then homework. Then baths and bedtime. If you keep to a tight schedule when all of you are at home for an evening, you will end up with some free alone time, which you will cherish. If your kids are teens, they need to give you alone time, and they’d probably prefer to be in their rooms anyway.
Sharing the Chores. As soon as your children are old enough, it’s time for them to pick up some of the slack by taking on some chores around the house. Create a list of those chores and post it on the fridge. Chores not done = activities not attended.
Balancing Job/Career and Personal Life
This can be one of the biggest challenges, especially if you hold a responsible position.
It may be time for some negotiation with your boss. If you are a valued employee, you are in a good negotiating position.
Think about how you can accomplish all of your task responsibilities and keep yourself sane amidst all of the other new responsibilities you face. Make a list of what you believe can be negotiated, and sit down with your boss. Explain the challenges you face as a newly single mum and what you are doing during non-work hours to meet them. Then, it’s time to request the changes you would like to see.
Some Key Tips
Flexible Work Hours. There may be some leeway here on the part of your employer. If you need time off in the middle of the day, for example, and you are willing to make up that time during some evenings or weekends, this might be a good option for you.
Working From Home: There are lots of benefits to working from home – no transportation costs or time. Are there aspects of your position that can be handled remotely? Many employers did discover during the pandemic that employees could be very productive working from home.
Working from home also allows you flexibility in hours. As long as you meet all of your task responsibilities, you can choose the most convenient for you.
Developing a New Social Life
If you have had a lifelong partner, then most of your social life was as a couple, with other couples. This is no longer a feasible option, although you may remain friends with some of the females in those groups.
It’s now time to think about what kind of social life you may want with a man – friendship, casual dating, something more serious.
It’s probably not a good idea to jump into another relationship quickly. But you can certainly test the waters through opportunities to meet men and keep things casual in the beginning.
Where do you go to do this?
Well-meaning friends may want to “set you up” with dates. That’s fine. It gets you out there and learning how to communicate in a dating relationship again.
Singles Groups and Organizations in your community are a good place to start, too. They have group activities that get you socializing with members of the opposite sex.
Online Dating Sites like Hily.com are great sources for meeting up with and learning the art of male-female communication again without actual physical contact in the beginning. You have the opportunity to chat and get to know someone before actually meeting face-to-face, and this can be a much more comfortable situation if you are a bit timid.
Some Key Tips
There really is only one tip here. Take it slowly. Do not be in a rush to find a relationship to replace the one you just lost. You have a freedom and independence you haven’t had for a while. Enjoy it. Meet male singles, have fun, and spread your wings.
An Attitude of Optimism
Above all, you need to develop an attitude of optimism and positivity about going forward in your new “world.” Many other women have been in your situation and have thrived and actually become happier and more successful in all aspects of their lives. Suppose you go into your new single status with an enthusiasm for what may lie ahead. You are ready to roll.