Communicating with Your Teen During Exams: A Parent’s Guide

When Will was preparing for his GCSEs, we realised just how tough this time can be for him and us as a family. It’s a period fraught with stress and intense emotions, and keeping the lines of communication open became one of our most important things.

From our experience, one of the best ways to support your teen is by establishing specific times to chat about their day and exams. For us, it was usually during mealtimes or after the younger siblings were in bed. This routine allowed us to check in with Will regularly without making it feel like an interrogation. It was about giving him plenty of time to open up at his own pace.

Simple things like actively listening, showing empathy, and not jumping to conclusions or solutions immediately made a big impact. Remember, sometimes a teen just needs to vent or process their thoughts aloud. It’s not always about fixing the problem right then and there. 

We also focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle during these stressful periods. Ensuring Will had nutritious meals, a good night’s sleep (not always easy with ADHD thrown into the mix), and regular physical exercise helped manage his stress levels. Avoid energy drinks and junk food, as they could lead to spikes and crashes in energy levels, which isn’t great during study sessions or exam days.

Another thing that worked for us was encouraging Will to take regular study breaks and disconnect from social media. It’s easy for young people to get caught up in the digital world, which can add to their stress, especially when they see peers posting about exams. In times when Will felt overwhelmed, we’d remind him to take a deep breath and break down his study material into manageable parts. And, on the day of a tough exam, we’d reassure him that no matter the outcome, we were proud of his efforts and that one exam wouldn’t define his entire future.

Communication barriers can easily crop up during the teenage years, especially under pressure, like during final exams. But maintaining an open, non-judgmental, and supportive environment can truly make a difference in your teen’s life.

Every family’s experience is unique, and what worked for us might not be a one-size-fits-all solution. However, these strategies can serve as a starting point to help navigate these challenging times.

Recognising the Signs of Stress and Anxiety

Navigating Will’s teenage years, especially during exam periods, was a learning curve for us, particularly considering he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 14. It became clear that stress and anxiety showed up differently for him. He often had sleepless nights and irritability. He would often retreat into his own space, stepping back from our usual family activities. These were telltale signs that he was struggling.

Recognising these signs was crucial. With ADHD, the usual pressures of exams seemed to weigh even heavier on him. His mind was always ‘on,’ making it difficult for him to unwind and focus. We learned to pick up on his non-verbal cues, too – changes in his body language, his increased restlessness – and understood these as his way of communicating stress.

We took steps to help him manage this stress. Creating a routine was essential – it helped Will know what to expect each day and brought some structure during chaotic times. It was a journey of understanding and adapting. We learned that during these stressful times, patience and flexibility were key. And sometimes, the best support we could offer was just being there, letting him know we understood and were ready to help however he needed.

Tips for Effective Communication Strategies

1. Active Listening: Show genuine interest in their concerns. Listen more than you speak, and avoid the temptation to offer immediate solutions. Sometimes, your teen just needs to be heard.
2. Non-Judgmental Approach: Avoid criticising or dismissing their feelings. Empathise with their situation and acknowledge the challenges they are facing.
3. Regular Check-Ins: Establish a routine of checking in with your teen. This doesn’t have to be a formal meeting; casual conversations during dinner or a drive can be effective.
4. Encourage Openness: Foster an environment where your teen feels comfortable sharing their feelings. Assure them it’s okay to feel stressed and that you are there to support, not judge.
5. Discuss Stress Management Techniques: Share and explore different stress management strategies together. This could include mindfulness, exercise, or pursuing hobbies.

Responding to Emotional Needs

Understanding and responding to your teen’s emotional needs can significantly reduce exam stress. This includes:

• Empathy and Reassurance: Let them know their feelings are valid and understandable. Reassure them that exam results do not define their worth.
• Practical Support: Offer to help create a study schedule or organise revision materials. Sometimes, practical help can alleviate a great deal of stress.
• Encouragement and Motivation: Remind them of their past successes and their strengths. Encourage them by focusing on effort and improvement rather than grades.

Conclusion

When Will was facing his exams, we quickly learned that supporting a teenager with ADHD requires a unique approach. The key was in what we did and in how we did it. We focused on creating an environment that catered to his specific needs, which improved his confidence and stress levels. One thing we did was establish a calm and structured space for him to study. For Will, a quiet place with minimal distractions was essential. We also found that short, focused study sessions worked best, interspersed with plenty of breaks to move around and burn off some energy, even if it just encouraged him to play football with his siblings or walk across the fields with the dogs.

We learned to communicate in a way that worked for him. This meant being clear and concise in our conversations and giving him the time to process and respond. Open and honest communication was key, and we regularly checked in on how he was feeling about his studies and his well-being in general. What stood out most was the importance of understanding and empathy. Recognising the challenges that ADHD brought to his exam experience, we reassured him that his best was good enough. We celebrated his efforts and progress, no matter how small, which helped boost his morale and motivate him.

In hindsight, the experience taught us that patience, understanding, and a tailored approach can significantly ease the stress of exam periods for a teen with ADHD. It’s not just about getting through the exams but about supporting them in a way that acknowledges their unique challenges and strengths.