“Mum, I don’t think my teacher likes me.”
Few things tug at a parent’s heart quite like hearing those words.
Your first instinct is probably to protect your child. You may feel angry, upset or worried that they’re spending hours each day with someone who makes them feel unwelcome. At the same time, you might wonder whether there’s another side to the story or whether your child has misunderstood something that happened in the classroom.
It’s an incredibly difficult position to be in.
As parents, we want our children to feel safe, supported and valued at school. When they come home convinced that a teacher dislikes them, it’s natural to question whether you should step in immediately or encourage them to give the situation more time.
From my own experience as a parent, I’ve learned that these situations are rarely black and white. Sometimes a child has genuinely experienced something that needs addressing. Other times, a strict teaching style, a misunderstanding, anxiety or emotional sensitivity can make ordinary classroom interactions feel deeply personal.
Whatever the reason, your child’s feelings are real.
Feeling listened to and understood is often the first step towards helping them regain confidence.
In this guide, I’ll explain why children sometimes believe their teacher doesn’t like them, how to respond without making assumptions, when it’s appropriate to speak to the school, and the signs that suggest further support may be needed. We’ll also look at how neurodivergent children, including those with ADHD, autism or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), can experience these situations differently.
By the end, you’ll have a clear, practical plan for supporting your child while building a positive relationship with their school.
Quick Answer: What Should You Do If Your Child Thinks Their Teacher Doesn’t Like Them?
If your child believes their teacher doesn’t like them, start by listening calmly without dismissing their feelings or jumping to conclusions. Ask open questions to understand what has happened, look for patterns rather than isolated incidents, and avoid criticising the teacher in front of your child before you know the full picture. If concerns continue or your child’s wellbeing begins to suffer, arrange a calm, collaborative conversation with the teacher to understand both perspectives and work together on a solution.
What You’ll Learn in This Guide
- Why children sometimes believe a teacher dislikes them
- How to tell the difference between a misunderstanding and a genuine concern
- The best way to respond when your child comes home upset
- When it’s time to contact your child’s school
- How ADHD, autism, anxiety and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can influence these feelings
- Practical tips for rebuilding your child’s confidence at school
- When additional support may be needed
Why This Situation Can Feel So Distressing
School is where children spend a huge part of their lives. They rely on their teachers not only to educate them but also to provide encouragement, reassurance and a sense of emotional safety.
When a child feels rejected by someone they see as an authority figure, it can affect much more than their enjoyment of school.
You might notice changes such as:
- Becoming anxious before school.
- Complaining of tummy aches or headaches.
- Refusing to join in lessons.
- Losing confidence.
- Saying they’re “always getting told off”.
- Becoming unusually emotional after school.
- Losing interest in learning.
- Wanting to avoid school altogether.
For some children, these feelings pass after a few days. For others, they can gradually develop into school anxiety or emotional-based school avoidance if they aren’t recognised and addressed early. If anxiety about school is becoming so intense that your child is struggling to attend, our guide to emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) explains what may be happening and the practical steps parents can take.
That doesn’t necessarily mean the teacher has done anything wrong. Equally, it doesn’t mean your child is imagining things.
Children interpret relationships differently from adults, and they’re still learning how to understand facial expressions, tone of voice, fairness and social interactions. A teacher who is naturally direct or highly focused on classroom management may feel reassuring to one child but intimidating to another.
The key is to approach the situation with curiosity rather than assumptions.
Instead of asking yourself, “Is my child right?”, a more helpful question is:
“What has happened that’s made my child feel this way?”
That small shift in thinking opens the door to understanding rather than conflict and gives you the best chance of finding a solution that supports everyone involved.
In the next section, we’ll explore the many reasons why children sometimes come to believe their teacher doesn’t like them and why those feelings are often more complex than they first appear.
Why Children Sometimes Feel Their Teacher Doesn’t Like Them
When your child says, “My teacher hates me” or “She doesn’t like me,” it’s easy to feel your emotions rise. You might find yourself replaying every story they’ve told you, wondering whether something has gone badly wrong at school.
Before assuming the worst, it’s worth remembering that children experience the world very differently from adults.
Their understanding of relationships is still developing, and they don’t always have the emotional maturity or life experience to interpret another person’s behaviour accurately. That’s not to say their feelings aren’t genuine – they absolutely are – but the reason behind those feelings isn’t always obvious.
In many cases, there isn’t a single cause. Instead, several factors can combine to leave a child feeling rejected, singled out or misunderstood.
Different Teaching Styles Can Feel Personal
Every teacher has their own personality and classroom management style. The Department for Education’s behaviour guidance for schools explains that good behaviour policies are intended to create calm, safe learning environments for all pupils.
Some are naturally warm and expressive, while others are quieter, more direct or highly structured. A teacher who rarely smiles may simply be concentrating on keeping thirty children focused, but an emotionally sensitive child may interpret that serious expression as disapproval.
Likewise, a teacher who regularly reminds pupils about classroom rules may not be targeting your child at all. However, if your child already worries about getting things wrong, they may begin to believe they’re being criticised more than everyone else.
Children often judge how much an adult likes them by small everyday interactions, such as:
- How often they’re praised.
- Whether the teacher smiles at them.
- The tone of voice that’s used.
- Whether they’re chosen to answer questions.
- Where they’re asked to sit.
- How corrections are given.
Adults tend to see these as routine classroom interactions, but children can attach much greater emotional meaning to them.
Some Children Are More Sensitive to Rejection Than Others
Just as adults have different personalities, children do too.
Some are naturally resilient and brush off a stern reminder without thinking twice. Others replay every interaction long after the school day has ended.
If your child is particularly empathetic, anxious or emotionally sensitive, they may notice tiny changes in facial expressions or tone of voice that other children wouldn’t even register.
A brief correction such as, “Let’s stay focused,” can become, “My teacher is always cross with me,” by the time they get home.
That doesn’t mean they’re exaggerating.
It means they’re experiencing the interaction through the lens of their own emotions.
As parents, our role isn’t to dismiss those feelings but to help our children make sense of them.
One Difficult Day Can Colour Everything
Children often think in very absolute terms.
If they’ve been told off in front of the class, forgotten their homework or struggled with a piece of work, they may conclude that their teacher dislikes them altogether.
In reality, teachers deal with hundreds of interactions every day. What feels like a defining moment for your child may barely register for the adult involved.
Helping children understand that one difficult lesson doesn’t define an entire relationship can prevent small worries from growing into much bigger fears.
Friendships and Other School Worries Can Play a Part
Sometimes what appears to be a problem with a teacher actually begins somewhere else.
Friendship difficulties, bullying, worries about academic work or even problems at home can make children feel generally less secure.
When they’re already feeling vulnerable, it’s easy for those emotions to become attached to the person they see most often during the school day: their teacher.
That’s why it’s helpful to look at the bigger picture.
Ask yourself:
- Has anything else changed recently?
- Are there friendship problems?
- Have school expectations become more challenging?
- Is your child worried about tests or homework?
- Have they seemed more anxious generally?
Looking beyond the classroom can often reveal clues that aren’t immediately obvious.
Could It Be a Clash of Personalities?
Just as adults don’t naturally click with every colleague, children won’t instantly connect with every teacher they meet.
That doesn’t mean either person has done anything wrong.
A child who thrives with a chatty, nurturing teacher may struggle with someone who is more reserved and structured. Equally, a teacher may take time to understand what motivates a particular child.
Most of these relationships improve naturally as trust develops over the school year.
Sometimes There Really Is a Problem
While misunderstandings are common, it’s also important not to dismiss your child’s concerns automatically.
If your child consistently describes feeling humiliated, unfairly singled out or frightened by a teacher’s behaviour, it’s worth paying closer attention.
Patterns matter.
Ask yourself:
- Has this been happening for several weeks?
- Does your child give specific examples?
- Have other adults noticed changes in their behaviour?
- Are they becoming increasingly anxious about school?
- Are they losing confidence?
Keeping an open mind allows you to support your child without making assumptions before you’ve gathered the full picture.
The Most Helpful Question You Can Ask
Instead of asking:
“Does your teacher like you?”
try asking:
“Can you tell me what happened today that made you feel that way?”
This simple change encourages your child to focus on facts rather than conclusions.
You may discover that the issue is a misunderstanding that can easily be resolved, or you may uncover genuine concerns that need further investigation.
Either way, you’ve created space for an open conversation rather than reinforcing fears or dismissing them.
Understanding why your child feels disliked is the foundation for deciding what to do next. Before contacting the school or offering solutions, it’s important to make sure your child feels heard, understood and emotionally safe enough to talk openly about what’s happened.
Listen Before You Try to Fix It
For many parents, this conversation starts in the car on the way home from school.
Your child climbs in, unusually quiet, before suddenly saying, “My teacher doesn’t like me.” It’s the kind of comment that can stop you in your tracks. You want to comfort them, but you also know there’s usually more to understand before jumping to conclusions.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that our instinct is often to fix the problem immediately. When your child comes home upset, every part of you wants to protect them. You might feel angry, worried or ready to email the school before the evening is over.
Over time, though, I’ve realised that listening carefully before reacting usually leads to a much better outcome—for both my child and their teacher.
I’ve discovered that the first conversation you have with your child is often the most important. If they feel heard and supported, they’re far more likely to open up about what really happened, rather than simply repeating, “My teacher doesn’t like me.”
Instead of rushing to find a solution, try to become curious. Ask open-ended questions and give your child time to tell the story in their own words. You may uncover details that completely change your understanding of the situation.
Start by Listening Without Judgement
As difficult as it can be, try not to interrupt or jump straight into solving the problem.
Children often need time to process their emotions, and if they feel they’re being questioned or dismissed, they may shut down before they’ve had a chance to explain.
Simple responses such as:
- “That sounds like it was really upsetting.”
- “Can you tell me what happened?”
- “What made you feel that way?”
- “What happened just before that?”
- “How did your teacher respond?”
Show your child that you’re interested in understanding their experience rather than deciding who’s right or wrong.
Sometimes you’ll discover that the issue is very different from what you first imagined.
Resist the Urge to Criticise the Teacher
When emotions are running high, it’s tempting to reassure your child by saying something like, “Well, your teacher shouldn’t have done that,” or “She sounds really unfair.”
While those comments may feel supportive in the moment, they can make it much harder to approach the situation objectively if you later discover there was a misunderstanding.
Equally, avoid dismissing your child’s feelings with phrases such as:
- “I’m sure your teacher doesn’t mean it.”
- “You’re overthinking it.”
- “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Although well-intentioned, these responses can leave children feeling unheard.
A better approach is to acknowledge their emotions while keeping an open mind.
For example:
“I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. Let’s try to understand exactly what’s happened before we decide what to do next.”
This reassures your child that you’re taking them seriously without making assumptions about anyone else’s intentions.
Ask Questions That Encourage Conversation
When I’ve had conversations like this with my own children, I’ve found these questions help far more than asking, “Are you sure?” or “What did you do?”
Instead, I try asking:
• “Tell me everything that happened.”
• “What happened just before that?”
• “What do you think your teacher was feeling?”
• “Has this happened before?”
• “What would you like to happen now?”
You don’t need to ask every question at once.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is sit quietly and allow your child the space to think.
Look for Patterns Rather Than One-Off Incidents
Every child has difficult days at school.
Teachers have challenging days too.
A single disagreement or misunderstanding doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a deeper problem.
Instead of focusing on a single isolated event, try to notice whether a pattern is emerging.
Ask yourself:
- Is your child repeatedly mentioning the same concerns?
- Have they become anxious every morning before school?
- Are they reluctant to attend lessons with one particular teacher?
- Have you noticed changes in their mood, confidence or behaviour at home?
- Has the school raised any concerns recently?
Patterns often provide far more useful information than individual incidents and can help you decide whether the situation is resolving naturally or needs further attention.
Remember That Feelings Are Always Real
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that even if a child’s interpretation of an event isn’t completely accurate, their feelings about it are still genuine.
If your child believes their teacher doesn’t like them, that belief can affect their confidence, motivation and enjoyment of school regardless of whether the teacher intended to make them feel that way.
By listening carefully, staying calm and keeping an open mind, you’re showing your child that their emotions matter while also modelling how to approach difficult situations thoughtfully.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that children don’t always need us to solve the problem immediately.
They need to know we’re listening.
That balance is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. It teaches them that problems don’t always need immediate answers, but they do deserve understanding.
Once you’ve listened to your child’s perspective, the next step is to consider whether other factors might be contributing to how they’re feeling. Looking at the bigger picture can often reveal important clues that aren’t immediately obvious.
Could There Be Another Explanation?
When your child is upset, it’s completely natural to want to identify the cause as quickly as possible. If they repeatedly tell you that their teacher doesn’t like them, it can be tempting to accept that as the explanation and focus on what to do next.
But children’s emotions are often more complicated than they first appear.
Feeling disliked by a teacher may be the way they’re making sense of a much bigger problem. Taking a step back to look at the wider picture can help you understand what’s really going on and ensure you’re addressing the right issue.
Remember, exploring other possibilities doesn’t mean you’re doubting your child. It simply means you’re trying to understand the situation from every angle before deciding what to do.
Has Something Changed at School?
Children often notice changes long before they know how to explain them.
Ask yourself whether anything has changed recently, such as:
- Moving into a new school year or class.
- A change of teacher.
- New seating arrangements.
- More challenging schoolwork.
- Increased expectations around independence.
- A friendship group that has changed or broken down.
Sometimes it’s these changes, rather than the teacher themselves, that leave a child feeling unsettled.
Could They Be Struggling Academically?
As children move through school, lessons naturally become more demanding.
If they’re finding the work difficult, they may begin to associate those uncomfortable feelings with the person teaching them.
A child who feels embarrassed about getting answers wrong or needing extra help may start to believe their teacher is disappointed in them, even when the teacher is simply encouraging them to keep trying.
You might notice comments such as:
- “I’m always getting things wrong.”
- “Everyone else understands except me.”
- “The teacher gets annoyed when I ask questions.”
These feelings are often rooted in frustration or a loss of confidence rather than evidence that the teacher dislikes them.
Are Friendship Problems Affecting How They Feel?
Friendship difficulties have a huge impact on a child’s emotional wellbeing.
If your child is feeling left out, experiencing conflict within their friendship group or dealing with bullying, those emotions can spill over into other parts of the school day.
Sometimes children focus on the relationship with their teacher because it feels easier to explain than the more complicated emotions they’re experiencing with their peers.
It’s worth gently asking how things are going at break times, lunch times, and during group activities, rather than focusing solely on what happens in the classroom.
Could Anxiety Be Playing a Role?
Children who feel anxious often become more alert to anything they perceive as criticism or rejection.
They may overthink a brief comment, worry about making mistakes or assume that a neutral facial expression means someone is cross with them.
This isn’t because they’re being dramatic or seeking attention. Anxiety can genuinely change the way children interpret everyday interactions.
If your child seems worried about several areas of school, rather than just one teacher, it may be helpful to consider whether anxiety is contributing to how they’re feeling.
If your child’s worries are becoming more frequent or are affecting their ability to attend school, YoungMinds’ guide to school anxiety and refusal offers practical advice for parents on recognising anxiety and working with schools to support children.
Is Your Child Putting Enormous Pressure on Themselves?
Some children set incredibly high standards for themselves.
They want to get every answer right, follow every instruction perfectly and avoid disappointing the adults around them.
When they inevitably make mistakes—as all children do—they may conclude that they’ve let their teacher down.
Perfectionist children often hear constructive feedback as personal criticism.
They don’t just think:
“I got this piece of work wrong.”
Instead, they think:
“My teacher must think I’m not good enough.”
Helping your child understand that mistakes are a normal part of learning can gradually reduce this pressure.
Trust Your Child’s Feelings, While Staying Open to the Bigger Picture
One of the most difficult parts of parenting is holding two thoughts at the same time.
Your child may genuinely feel that their teacher doesn’t like them.
And…
There may be other factors contributing to those feelings that neither of you has recognised yet.
Those two things can exist together.
By staying curious instead of jumping to conclusions, you’re giving yourself the best chance of understanding what your child really needs.
Sometimes you’ll discover that a reassuring conversation at home is enough.
Sometimes you’ll realise your child needs extra emotional support.
And sometimes you’ll decide it’s time to have a calm, constructive conversation with their teacher.
The important thing is that your next step is based on understanding rather than assumptions.
In the next section, we’ll look at one factor that’s often overlooked but can make these situations feel especially intense: neurodivergence, including ADHD, autism and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
Why Neurodivergent Children Can Experience Teacher Relationships Differently
If your child is neurodivergent, or you’re beginning to wonder whether they might be, it’s worth remembering that they may experience relationships with teachers differently from many of their classmates.
That doesn’t mean they’re being oversensitive or looking for problems where none exist.
It means their brain may process social situations, communication, and emotions differently.
As a parent, I’ve learned that understanding how my child experiences the world has completely changed the way I respond when they come home upset. Instead of asking whether they’re right or wrong, I try to understand what happened from their perspective first.
For many neurodivergent children, school can be exhausting.
They’re constantly processing instructions, managing sensory input, navigating friendships, remembering routines and trying to meet expectations that may feel overwhelming. By the end of the day, even a seemingly small interaction with a teacher can carry far more emotional weight than an adult might expect.
That doesn’t automatically mean the teacher has done anything wrong.
Equally, it doesn’t mean your child’s experience isn’t valid.
The goal is to understand why that interaction felt so significant for your child.
ADHD: Feeling Constantly Corrected
Children with ADHD often hear more corrections throughout the school day than their peers.
They may be reminded to:
- Sit still.
- Stay focused.
- Stop calling out.
- Finish their work.
- Listen carefully.
- Follow instructions.
Most teachers are simply helping the child stay on track, but after hearing repeated reminders every day, some children begin to feel as though they’re always in trouble.
Over time, they may start believing they’re the “naughty child” or that their teacher is constantly frustrated with them.
If your child frequently says things like:
- “I’m always getting told off.”
- “The teacher only notices me when I’ve done something wrong.”
- “Everyone else gets away with it.”
it can be worth exploring whether they’re receiving more corrective feedback than positive encouragement.
Sometimes a simple conversation with the teacher about increasing praise and recognising your child’s strengths can make a huge difference to their confidence.
Autism: Finding Unspoken Expectations Difficult
Autistic children often work incredibly hard to understand social situations that many others navigate instinctively.
They may struggle to interpret:
- Facial expressions.
- Tone of voice.
- Sarcasm.
- Indirect instructions.
- Changes to routines.
- Unspoken classroom expectations.
A teacher who says something in a hurried or matter-of-fact way may unintentionally come across as annoyed or angry.
Likewise, an unexpected change to the school day or a public correction in class can feel much more significant to an autistic child than the teacher ever intended.
Many autistic children also have a strong sense of fairness.
If they believe they’re being treated differently from their classmates, they may find it difficult to move past those feelings without a clear explanation.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): When Small Moments Feel Enormous
For some children—particularly those with ADHD—criticism or perceived rejection can feel intensely painful.
This is often linked to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a pattern of emotional sensitivity that can make even minor corrections feel deeply personal.
A teacher saying,
“Can we have a quick word after the lesson?”
may simply be addressing a routine classroom matter.
A child experiencing RSD, however, may immediately think:
“I’ve done something terrible.”
“My teacher is angry with me.”
“They don’t like me anymore.”
These emotional reactions are real, immediate and often overwhelming.
They aren’t a sign that your child is being dramatic or manipulative.
Understanding RSD helped me realise that what looked like an overreaction was often a child experiencing genuine emotional pain. That insight changed the way I responded at home and helped me advocate more effectively at school.
If you’d like to understand this in more detail, you may also find my guide to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in children helpful.
Remember That Every Child Is Different
No two children experience school in exactly the same way.
Some neurodivergent children have wonderful relationships with every teacher they meet. Others may find certain personalities, communication styles or classroom environments more challenging.
The aim isn’t to assume that neurodivergence is the cause of every difficulty.
Instead, it’s about recognising that your child’s brain may process situations differently and that understanding those differences can help you respond with greater empathy and confidence.
Whether your child is neurotypical, neurodivergent or still waiting for answers, they deserve to feel safe, respected and understood at school.
The more we understand how they experience the world, the better equipped we are to support them when things become difficult.
In the next section, we’ll look at how to recognise the difference between everyday misunderstandings and the signs that there may genuinely be a problem that needs addressing with the school.
How to Tell the Difference Between a Misunderstanding and a Genuine Concern
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step in and when to let a situation resolve naturally.
When your child comes home upset, every instinct tells you to protect them. But before assuming there’s a serious problem, it’s worth taking a moment to look at the bigger picture.
Most children will experience disagreements, misunderstandings or difficult days with a teacher at some point during their school life. In many cases, these situations improve with time, especially as the teacher and child get to know each other better.
However, there are occasions when a child’s concerns shouldn’t be dismissed.
The challenge is recognising the difference.
Signs It May Be a Misunderstanding
It’s quite common for children to misinterpret a teacher’s words, tone or actions, particularly if they’re feeling anxious, emotionally sensitive or lacking confidence.
It may simply be a misunderstanding if:
- Your child is describing a single isolated incident rather than a recurring pattern.
- They generally enjoy school but have had one particularly difficult day.
- Their teacher has praised or encouraged them on other occasions.
- The issue began after a disagreement with friends or a challenging lesson.
- Your child’s mood improves after talking things through at home.
- There are no other signs that they’re becoming increasingly anxious or unhappy.
In these situations, listening, offering reassurance and keeping an eye on how things develop may be all that’s needed.
Signs It May Need Further Investigation
While many situations resolve naturally, some deserve a closer look.
Consider arranging a conversation with the school if you notice a pattern developing, particularly if your child:
- Regularly says they feel picked on or singled out.
- Becomes distressed before lessons with one particular teacher.
- Starts refusing to go to school or asking to stay home.
- Has frequent tummy aches, headaches or other physical symptoms before school.
- Loses confidence or begins saying negative things about themselves.
- Stops enjoying activities they previously loved.
- Appears increasingly withdrawn, anxious or tearful.
- Gives consistent, detailed examples of interactions that concern you.
One concern on its own doesn’t necessarily indicate a serious problem, but several of these signs together suggest it’s worth finding out more.
Ask Yourself These Five Questions
Before contacting the school, it can help to pause and reflect on a few simple questions:
Has this happened more than once?
A single difficult lesson is very different from a pattern that’s continued for several weeks.
Has my child’s behaviour changed?
Are they becoming more anxious, withdrawn or reluctant to attend school?
Have I gathered enough information?
Children often share events in stages. Giving them time to talk over a couple of days can provide a much clearer picture.
Could there be another explanation?
Think back to the previous sections. Could friendship issues, anxiety, learning difficulties or neurodivergence be influencing how your child is interpreting the situation?
What outcome am I hoping for?
Sometimes parents understandably contact school while emotions are still running high. Taking a moment to think about what you’re hoping to achieve can help the conversation feel more collaborative and productive.
Trust Your Instincts, But Stay Curious
Parents know their children better than anyone else.
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s important not to ignore that instinct.
At the same time, I’ve learned that approaching these situations with curiosity rather than certainty usually leads to better conversations and better outcomes.
Instead of thinking:
“The teacher doesn’t like my child.”
Try asking yourself:
“What information do I have, what don’t I know yet, and how can we work together to understand what’s happening?”
That small shift can make all the difference.
It allows you to advocate confidently for your child while also giving the teacher the opportunity to share their perspective.
Most teachers want exactly the same thing you do: for your child to feel safe, supported and able to thrive at school.
Starting from that shared goal often creates the strongest foundation for finding a positive solution.
At a Glance: Misunderstanding or Cause for Concern?
| This may be a misunderstanding… | This may need further investigation… |
|---|---|
| One isolated incident. | A repeated pattern over several weeks. |
| Your child is otherwise happy at school. | Your child becomes increasingly anxious or reluctant to attend school. |
| The issue followed a difficult lesson or disagreement. | Your child consistently feels singled out or humiliated. |
| They settle after talking things through. | Their confidence and wellbeing continue to decline. |
| There are no wider concerns raised by school. | The concerns continue despite reassurance or support. |
This table isn’t intended to provide a diagnosis or a definitive answer, but it can help you decide whether it’s appropriate to keep monitoring the situation or take the next step.
If you do decide it’s time to speak to the school, approaching the conversation calmly and collaboratively can make a huge difference. In the next section, we’ll look at how to talk to your child’s teacher in a way that helps everyone focus on the same goal: supporting your child.
A Quick Parent Action Plan
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, the decision tree below summarises the key steps we’ve covered so far. It isn’t a substitute for reading the full guide, but it can help you decide what to do next and whether it’s time to involve your child’s school.
Now that you’ve worked through the decision tree, let’s look at how to approach a conversation with your child’s teacher in a calm, constructive way.
How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher
Once you’ve listened carefully to your child, considered the wider picture and recognised that the issue may need further investigation, it’s time to decide whether to speak to their teacher.
For many parents, this can feel daunting.
You don’t want to come across as confrontational, but you also don’t want to dismiss your child’s concerns.
The good news is that most teachers want the same thing you do: for your child to feel happy, safe and able to learn. Starting the conversation with that shared goal in mind makes it much easier to work together.
This collaborative approach reflects current Department for Education guidance on communicating with parents about attendance, which emphasises that schools and parents are most effective when they work together to support children.
Choose the Right Time
A quick chat at the classroom door rarely gives either of you enough time to have a meaningful conversation.
Instead, ask if you can arrange a meeting or a phone call at a mutually convenient time.
This allows both you and the teacher to come prepared and gives you the opportunity to discuss your concerns without distractions.
Go in With Curiosity, Not Conclusions
It can be tempting to begin with:
“My child says you don’t like them.”
Although honest, that opening can immediately put the teacher on the defensive.
Instead, try something like:
“My child has recently been coming home feeling as though they’re struggling in class and they’re worried that they may have upset you. I wondered if we could talk about what’s been happening and whether you’ve noticed anything.”
This opens the conversation without assigning blame and invites the teacher to share their perspective.
Rather than making general statements, explain exactly what your child has told you.
For example:
- “They’ve mentioned feeling singled out during maths lessons.”
- “They’ve become anxious every Sunday evening before school.”
- “They’ve said they’re worried about being asked questions in class.”
Specific examples help the teacher understand the situation and are much easier to respond to than broad statements such as, “They think you don’t like them.”
Listen to the Teacher’s Perspective
This can sometimes be the hardest part.
Remember that teachers only see one part of your child’s life, just as you only see one part of their school day.
There may be information you weren’t aware of, such as changes in classroom routines, friendship issues, learning challenges or incidents that your child hasn’t mentioned.
Listening doesn’t mean you agree with everything that’s said.
It simply helps you build a fuller picture before deciding on the next steps.
Work Together on a Plan
Before the conversation ends, agree on some practical actions.
For example:
- How will the teacher help your child feel more supported?
- Are there strategies that work well at home which could also be used at school?
- Will you review the situation after a couple of weeks?
- How will you keep in touch if concerns continue?
Having a shared plan helps everyone feel they’re working towards the same goal.
Keep the Door Open
Most concerns can be resolved through open, respectful communication.
If things improve, let the teacher know.
A quick email to say thank you or to share that your child has come home happier can strengthen the relationship and encourages ongoing communication.
If, however, your child’s concerns continue despite working together, don’t be afraid to ask for further support within the school. Seeking additional help isn’t about blaming anyone—it’s about making sure your child has the support they need to thrive.
Still unsure what to do? Scroll back to the Parent Action Plan above for a quick step-by-step reminder before deciding on your next move.
What If Nothing Changes?
In many cases, an open and respectful conversation with your child’s teacher is enough to improve the situation. Misunderstandings are cleared up, new strategies are put in place, and your child gradually begins to feel more settled.
But sometimes things don’t improve as quickly as you’d hoped.
If your child continues to come home distressed, or you feel their concerns haven’t been fully addressed, it’s okay to take the next step.
That doesn’t mean you’re being difficult or overprotective. It means you’re continuing to advocate for your child while giving the school every opportunity to work with you.
If your child’s mental health is beginning to affect their attendance, the Department for Education’s guidance on mental health and school attendance explains how schools, parents and local authorities should work together to provide support.
Give Agreed Changes Time to Work
If you’ve recently spoken with the teacher and agreed on a plan, give those changes a little time before deciding whether they’ve been successful.
Keep checking in with your child, but also look for small signs of progress.
Perhaps they’re less anxious before school, mention something positive about their day or seem more relaxed when talking about their teacher.
Positive change doesn’t always happen overnight.
Keep a Simple Record
If concerns continue, it can be helpful to make a few notes.
You don’t need to document every conversation, but keeping a record of dates, specific incidents and any actions the school has agreed to can help you identify patterns and make future discussions more productive.
Focus on facts rather than assumptions.
For example:
- What happened?
- When did it happen?
- How did it affect your child?
- What action was taken?
- Has anything changed since?
Ask for Further Support
If you’ve already spoken to the class teacher and your concerns remain, consider whether someone else within the school could help.
Depending on your child’s age and circumstances, this might include:
- Their form tutor (secondary school).
- The SENDCO or SENCO if your child has additional needs or you’re seeking further support.
- The Head of Year.
- A member of the senior leadership team.
- The headteacher.
Most schools want to work in partnership with families, so approaching each conversation calmly and collaboratively usually leads to the best outcomes.
Trust Your Instincts
One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that parents often notice subtle changes long before anyone else.
If your child is becoming increasingly anxious, refusing school, losing confidence or showing signs that their mental wellbeing is being affected, don’t ignore those instincts.
Keep asking questions, keep communicating with the school and don’t be afraid to seek additional support if it’s needed.
Advocating for your child doesn’t mean assuming the worst about their teacher. It means making sure their voice is heard while working together to find the best way forward.
Helping Your Child Rebuild Their Confidence
Whether the situation was a misunderstanding or something that required intervention, your child may need time to rebuild their confidence.
Feeling disliked by a teacher can leave children questioning themselves, their abilities and even whether they belong at school.
As parents, we have an important role in reminding them that one difficult relationship doesn’t define who they are.
Keep noticing the positives.
Celebrate their effort, not just their achievements.
Encourage activities that help them feel confident and capable outside the classroom, whether that’s sport, music, art, gaming, drama or simply spending time with people who make them feel valued.
Most importantly, keep the conversation going.
Your child should know they can always come to you if something doesn’t feel right, without worrying they’ll be dismissed or judged.
Some school experiences stay with us for a long time.
Thankfully, so do the memories of parents who listened, believed our feelings and helped us work through difficult moments with kindness and patience.
Looking back, I’ve realised that I couldn’t always change what happened at school.
What I could do was make sure home remained a place where my children felt safe, understood and supported.
Sometimes that’s the greatest gift we can give them.
Final Thoughts
Hearing your child say, “I don’t think my teacher likes me,” can leave you feeling worried, protective and unsure what to do next.
The good news is that most situations can be improved with patience, open communication and a willingness to understand both your child’s perspective and the teacher’s.
By listening without judgement, looking for patterns, keeping an open mind and working together with the school, you’re giving your child the best possible chance of feeling safe, supported and confident again.
Above all, remember this:
Even if there turns out to be another explanation, your child’s feelings are still real.
Feeling heard is often the first step towards feeling better.
And sometimes, knowing that someone is firmly in their corner makes all the difference.
Above all, remember this:
Even if there turns out to be another explanation, your child’s feelings are still real.
Feeling heard is often the first step towards feeling better.
And sometimes, knowing that someone is firmly in their corner makes all the difference.
Related Articles
You might also find these guides helpful:
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Understanding the Hidden Emotional Pain
- Top Tips for Caring for Your Child Diagnosed with ADHD
- 7 Tips to Ease Back to School Anxiety
- School Refusal Autism: When Your Child Doesn’t Want to go to School
Editorial note: This article is based on my experience as a parent, combined with current guidance from UK education and mental health organisations. Every child and school is different, so if you’re concerned about your child’s wellbeing or safety, it’s always worth speaking to their school or an appropriate healthcare professional.
About the author
Hi, I’m Sabina, the founder of Mummy Matters. I’ve been writing about parenting and family life since 2009, sharing honest, experience-led advice to help families navigate the ups and downs of raising children. As a mum and stepmum, I know that school life isn’t always straightforward, and I believe parents deserve practical guidance that is compassionate, balanced and grounded in real life.