Back to School Anxiety: 7 Practical Ways to Help Your Child Feel Safer

The start of a new school year can bring a mixture of excitement and worry. Your child might be concerned about a new teacher, unfamiliar lessons, changing friendships or simply returning to a structured routine after the summer holidays.

As a mum, I have learnt that these worries do not always sound like “I’m anxious about school.” They can appear as irritability, trouble sleeping, repeated questions, tummy aches, headaches or a sudden reluctance to talk about going back. Older children and teenagers may become quiet, dismiss their feelings or insist that everything is fine while showing through their behaviour that something is bothering them.

It is normal to feel anxious before a significant change. However, children still need us to take their worries seriously rather than telling them there is nothing to be afraid of.

The aim is not to remove every uncomfortable feeling. It is to understand what is making school feel difficult, give your child practical ways to cope and work with the school when additional support is needed.

In this guide, I share seven practical ways to ease back-to-school anxiety, including what to say, how to prepare and how to recognise when ordinary nerves may be developing into something more persistent.

Editor’s note: This article was originally published in April 2025 and was substantially updated in August 2026. The latest version includes additional signs of school anxiety, practical scripts for parents, advice for working with schools, guidance on seeking further support and a simple one-week back-to-school plan.

What Is Back-to-School Anxiety?

Back-to-school anxiety is the worry, fear or distress a child may experience before returning to school or during the first few weeks of a new term. It can affect children of any age, from a little one starting Reception to a teenager beginning a demanding GCSE year.

For some children, the anxiety settles once they become familiar with their new classroom and routine. For others, returning to school can uncover a specific difficulty that needs attention, such as bullying, friendship problems, academic pressure, unmet SEND needs or sensory overwhelm.

The important thing is to look beyond the behaviour. A child who becomes angry, uncooperative or withdrawn may not be trying to make the morning difficult. Their behaviour could be communicating that school does not currently feel manageable or safe.

What Causes Anxiety About Going Back to School?

There is not always one obvious cause. Your child may be dealing with several smaller worries which have built up during the holidays.

Common causes include:

• Fear of the unknown: Your child may not know where to go, what their teacher will be like or who will be in their class.
• Academic pressure: Concerns about homework, tests, keeping up with lessons or disappointing adults can make returning to school feel daunting.
• Friendship difficulties: Falling out with friends, feeling left out or worrying about where to sit at lunchtime can become a significant source of anxiety.
• Bullying: A child may be frightened about encountering someone who has bullied, teased or intimidated them.
• Separation anxiety: Younger children—and sometimes older children experiencing a difficult period—may worry about being away from a parent or carer.
• Changes and transitions: Moving to a new school, starting secondary school, changing teachers or moving into an important exam year can create uncertainty.
• SEND or sensory needs: Noise, crowded corridors, uncomfortable uniform, changing classrooms and unclear instructions can be particularly challenging for children with ADHD, autism or other additional needs.
• Previous difficult experiences: A child who has felt embarrassed, punished, misunderstood or unsupported at school may worry that the same thing will happen again.

If your child has ADHD or is autistic, I’ve put together a more detailed guide to helping an ADHD or autistic child settle back into school, including sensory needs, communication with school, pupil passports, friendships, safe adults and what to do when difficulties emerge after the first few days.

Signs Your Child May Be Anxious About School

Children do not always have the language—or feel ready—to explain what is worrying them. You might instead notice:

• Difficulty falling asleep or waking during the night
• Headaches, tummy aches or feeling sick, particularly on school mornings
• Irritability, tearfulness or angry outbursts
• Becoming unusually clingy or needing repeated reassurance
• Changes in appetite
• Avoiding conversations about school
• Struggling to concentrate
• Frequently asking what will happen during the school day
• Refusing to get dressed, leave the house or enter the school
• Appearing exhausted or having emotional outbursts after school

One sign on its own does not necessarily mean that your child has an anxiety problem. Look for patterns, particularly symptoms which appear or become stronger as the return to school approaches. The NHS recognises sleep difficulties, irritability, concentration problems, clinginess and physical complaints such as tummy aches among the possible signs of anxiety in children.

7 Tips to Help Ease Back-to-School Anxiety

1. Make It Safe to Talk About Their Worries

Choose a calm moment to ask how your child feels about returning to school. Try not to begin the conversation when they are already upset, rushing to get ready or trying to fall asleep.

Open questions can feel less pressuring than repeatedly asking, “Are you worried about school?” You could try:

• “What are you looking forward to most?”
• “Is there anything you wish could be different this year?”
• “Which part of going back feels the hardest?”
• “If I could make one part of school easier, what would you choose?”

Listen without immediately correcting, reassuring or trying to solve the problem. A worry that seems small to an adult—such as not knowing where to sit at lunch—can feel enormous to a child.

Instead of saying, “You’ll be fine” or “There’s nothing to worry about,” try:

“I can understand why that feels worrying. We don’t have to solve everything right now, but we can think about what might help.”

Validation does not mean agreeing that something terrible will happen. It shows your child that you believe their feelings and that they do not have to manage them alone.

Some children find talking face-to-face uncomfortable. They may communicate more openly while walking, travelling in the car, drawing, cooking or getting ready for bed. Older children may prefer to write their worries down or send you a message.

2. Make the New School Year Feel More Predictable

Uncertainty gives an anxious mind plenty of room to imagine what could go wrong. Providing clear, age-appropriate information can make returning to school feel more manageable.

Depending on your child’s age and situation, you could:

• Walk or drive past the school before term begins.
• Practise the journey and talk through where they will be dropped off or collected.
• Check the school website for classroom, uniform or timetable information.
• Help them pack their bag and prepare their uniform in advance.
• Find out who they can speak to if they feel overwhelmed.
• Create a simple visual plan for the first morning.
• Ask the school whether your child can visit before term starts if they are joining a new setting.
• Request photographs, a map or a transition booklet for a child who benefits from visual information.

You do not need to answer every possible “what if?” question. Repeated reassurance can sometimes create more questions. Instead, agree on a straightforward plan:

“We don’t know exactly what your new teacher will say, but we do know where you need to go, who can help you and that I will be here at the end of the day.”

If your child is moving schools or entering a demanding academic year, you can also help your child by discussing what support is available and encouraging them to ask for help before a small difficulty becomes overwhelming.

3. Reintroduce the School Routine Gradually

Late nights, slower mornings and relaxed mealtimes are part of the summer holidays, but changing everything on the night before school can make the return feel more stressful.

Around one or two weeks before term begins, gradually move bedtimes and waking times closer to the school-day routine. Even shifting them by 15 minutes every few days can make the first morning easier.

You could also begin reintroducing:

• Regular breakfast and lunch times
• Getting dressed before settling down with screens
• A consistent bedtime routine
• Limits on late-night gaming and phone use
• Time outside or some gentle daily movement
• Preparing clothes, bags and equipment the night before

Let your child take some ownership where possible. Younger children might enjoy choosing a new water bottle or laying out their uniform. Older children can organise their timetable, stationery or morning alarm.

Keep the final days of the holiday relatively calm if you can. A packed schedule followed by an abrupt return to early mornings can leave children tired before school has even begun.

Try to approach the routine as preparation rather than punishment. The message is not, “The fun is over.” It is, “We’re helping your body and brain get ready for the change.”

4. Practise Calming Strategies Before They Are Needed

Relaxation and grounding strategies are most helpful when they have been practised during calm moments. Trying to teach a breathing exercise while your child is already panicking may feel frustrating for both of you.

Invite your child to experiment and find out what genuinely helps them. Options include:

• Slow breathing: Breathe in gently through the nose and make the out-breath slightly longer.
• Five-senses grounding: Notice five things they can see, four they can feel, three they can hear, two they can smell and one they can taste.
• A reassuring phrase: Repeat something simple such as, “I can feel worried and still take the next step.”
• Visualisation: Picture a familiar place where they feel safe, calm and comfortable.
• Movement: Walk, stretch, shake out tense hands or push firmly against a wall.
• A sensory aid: Use a discreet fidget item, smooth stone, comforting scent or another school-approved object.
• Breaking the morning into steps: Focus on getting dressed first, then eating breakfast, then putting on shoes—instead of thinking about the entire day at once.

Not every technique suits every child. Some children become more aware of uncomfortable physical sensations when asked to focus on breathing. If that happens, try movement, sensory grounding or an external focus instead.

Create a short coping plan together and keep it somewhere accessible:

“When I notice I am becoming anxious, I can put both feet on the floor, take three slow breaths and tell an adult I trust.”

The goal is not to make every anxious feeling disappear. It is to give your child something practical they can do while the feeling passes.

5. Rebuild Social Connections Gently

For many children, returning to the social side of school feels more worrying than the lessons. They may be concerned that friendships have changed, that groups have formed without them or that they will have nobody to sit with.

If your child is comfortable with the idea, arrange a low-pressure opportunity to reconnect with one familiar friend before term begins. This could be:

• Meeting at the park
• Going for a walk
• Playing online together
• Inviting a friend over for an hour
• Attending a familiar club or activity

A short meeting may feel more manageable than a full day out, particularly for a child who has become socially anxious during the holidays.

Shared summer activities can also give children something enjoyable to focus on while they reconnect, rather than placing pressure on them to make conversation.

Avoid pushing your child into a playdate or social situation they are not ready for. Instead, ask what would make reconnecting feel easier. A teenager may prefer to send a message, meet one friend or know in advance who will be there.

If friendship difficulties are contributing to the anxiety, contact the school before term begins where possible. A form tutor or pastoral member of staff may be able to arrange a safe place at break, identify a supportive peer or check in with your child during the first few days.

6. Involve the School and Seek Additional Support

You do not have to wait until your child stops attending school before asking for help. Contact the school if their anxiety is persistent, affects sleep or family life, causes regular physical symptoms or makes attending lessons difficult.

Depending on your child’s needs, you could contact their:

• Class teacher or form tutor
• Head of year
• Pastoral or wellbeing team
• SENCO
• Designated safeguarding lead

Explain what you are noticing at home and ask what staff have observed in school. Be specific about the situations your child finds difficult and the support that may help.

Possible adjustments could include:

• Meeting a trusted adult on arrival
• Entering through a quieter entrance
• Having a visual timetable
• Receiving advance warning of changes
• Using a time-out or exit card
• Access to a quiet space
• Help during unstructured times such as lunch
• Regular check-ins with a named member of staff
• A gradual return following an extended absence

Ask for the agreed actions to be written down and arrange a date to review whether they are helping.

If anxiety continues or significantly interferes with everyday life, speak to your GP or another appropriate health professional. They can explore possible causes and advise you about local support. Understanding children’s mental health can also make it easier to recognise when ordinary worries have become more persistent.

If anxiety prevents your child from attending school, you may hear terms such as emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety-related absence. This is not simply a child being naughty or choosing not to cooperate. Work with the school to identify the barriers behind the anxiety and create a realistic, supportive plan for returning.

7. Notice and Celebrate Small Steps

When a child is anxious, adults naturally focus on the final goal: getting through the school gate, staying for the whole day or completing the first week. For your child, however, that goal may feel enormous.

Break it into smaller steps and notice the effort involved in each one. Progress might look like:

• Talking about what is worrying them
• Trying on their uniform
• Packing their school bag
• Practising the journey
• Visiting the school entrance
• Sending a message to a friend
• Speaking to a trusted member of staff
• Entering the classroom despite feeling nervous
• Using a coping strategy without being reminded

Praise the action rather than telling your child they were silly to worry:

“I saw how nervous you felt, and you still managed to walk through the door. That took courage.”

Try not to make rewards dependent on your child hiding their anxiety or completing something that currently feels impossible. The aim is to recognise effort, honesty and gradual progress—not to teach them that difficult feelings disappoint you.

Celebrations do not need to involve money or large rewards. You could let your child choose dinner, watch a favourite programme together, go for a walk or simply tell them exactly what you noticed and why you are proud.

There may be difficult mornings after several successful ones. This does not erase the progress your child has already made. Anxiety rarely improves in a perfectly straight line, so treat setbacks as information:

• What felt different today?
• Was your child tired, rushed or uncertain about something?
• Is there a particular lesson, person or part of the day causing difficulty?
• Does the current support plan need adjusting?

By focusing on manageable steps, you can support your child in overcoming their fears while helping them build confidence in their ability to cope with difficult feelings.

What Not to Say to a Child Who Is Anxious About School

When the morning is stressful and everyone needs to leave the house, it is easy to say something intended to reassure your child that accidentally makes them feel misunderstood.

Try to avoid phrases such as:

• “There’s nothing to worry about.”
• “Everyone else manages.”
• “You’re being silly.”
• “You just have to get on with it.”
• “If you don’t go in, you’ll get into trouble.”
• “I promise nothing bad will happen.”

Instead, acknowledge the feeling while remaining calm and confident:

Instead of saying…	Try saying…
“You’ll be fine.”	“I know this feels difficult. Let’s focus on the next step.”
“There’s nothing to worry about.”	“I can see that something is worrying you. What feels hardest?”
“You have to stop crying.”	“It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here while your body begins to calm.”
“Everyone else is going in.”	“Different people find different things difficult. Let’s use the plan we made.”
“I promise nothing will go wrong.”	“If something feels difficult, you know which adult you can ask for help.”
“Why are you doing this again?”	“What feels different or more difficult today?”

You can validate your child’s anxiety without allowing it to make every decision. A helpful response combines warmth with a clear next step:

“I believe you that this feels hard. We are going to use your coping plan, speak to your trusted adult and take this one step at a time.”

Try not to ask for reassurance from your child by saying things such as, “You are going to be all right, aren’t you?” Children often pick up on a parent’s uncertainty. A calm voice, simple language and a familiar plan are usually more reassuring than a lengthy discussion at the school gate.

If you become frustrated, it does not make you a bad parent. School anxiety can place significant pressure on the whole family. Pause when you can, repair the conversation if necessary and return to the agreed plan.

A Simple One-Week Back-to-School Plan

You do not need to prepare for everything at once. This gentle seven-day plan can help make the return feel more predictable without allowing school worries to take over the final week of the holidays.

Seven days before

Ask your child what they are looking forward to and what feels uncertain. Listen first and agree to revisit any worries that need a practical solution.

Six days before

Check uniform, shoes, PE kit and school equipment. Let your child help identify anything that is missing so there are no last-minute surprises.

Five days before

Look at the school website, timetable or transition information together. Check where your child needs to go and who they can ask for help.

Four days before

Practise the journey to school if the route or setting is new. For younger children, talk through what will happen from waking up until they enter the classroom.

Three days before

Begin moving bedtime and waking time closer to the school routine. Make the change gradual rather than expecting an immediate early night.

Two days before

Choose one calming or grounding strategy and practise it together. Help your child identify a trusted adult they can approach at school.

The day before

Pack the school bag, prepare the uniform and agree on breakfast. Keep the evening calm and avoid repeatedly asking whether your child feels nervous.

On the first morning

Follow the plan and keep instructions short. Focus on one step at a time: getting dressed, eating breakfast, putting on shoes and leaving the house.

If your child becomes anxious, you could say:

“I know this feels difficult. You don’t need to feel completely calm before taking the next step. We’ll follow our plan together.”

After school, give your child time to decompress before asking lots of questions. Instead of “How was school?”, try:

• “What was easier than you expected?”
• “Was there one difficult part?”
• “Did anything make you smile?”
• “Is there anything we should make easier tomorrow?”

Some children need food, quiet, movement or time alone before they are ready to talk. A difficult first day does not mean the plan has failed; use what you learn to adjust the support for the following day.

When Should You Seek Professional Help?

Some nervousness before a new school year is expected and may ease once your child settles into the routine. Seek further support when anxiety:

• Persists or becomes more intense
• Regularly interferes with sleep, eating or family life
• Causes frequent headaches, tummy aches or other physical symptoms
• Leads to repeated absences or difficulty entering school
• Prevents your child from joining in with lessons or activities
• Causes panic attacks or significant distress
• Is connected to bullying, trauma or an unsafe situation
• Is affecting your child’s mood, confidence or relationships
• Does not improve despite support at home and school

Begin by speaking to the school and your child’s GP. Keep brief notes about when the anxiety happens, what your child says, any physical symptoms and what makes things better or worse. This can make it easier to identify patterns and explain the situation.

Depending on your child’s circumstances, support may come from the school’s pastoral team, SENCO, Mental Health Support Team, school nurse, GP, counselling service or Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Do not assume that physical symptoms are “just anxiety.” Headaches, pain, sickness or changes in eating, sleeping or toileting may need medical assessment, particularly when symptoms are new, severe or persistent.

Ask your child directly if you are concerned that they may be harming themselves or thinking about suicide. Asking the question will not put the idea into their mind. If your child is in immediate danger or cannot be kept safe, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent medical help that is not an emergency, use NHS 111.

You know your child best. If their behaviour has changed significantly or you feel that something is not right, it is reasonable to ask for help even if you cannot yet explain exactly what is happening.

Helping Your Child Face the New School Year

Back-to-school anxiety is not always obvious. It may appear as sleepless nights, physical complaints, irritability, repeated questions or difficult behaviour just when family life needs to become more organised.

Your child does not need you to remove every worry or guarantee that nothing will go wrong. They need you to listen, take their concerns seriously and help make the next step feel manageable.

Start with a calm conversation, rebuild the school routine gradually and make the first day as predictable as possible. Practise coping strategies before they are needed and involve the school early if a particular lesson, friendship, sensory need or previous experience is contributing to the anxiety.

Most importantly, look for the need behind the behaviour. A child who appears angry, avoidant or uncooperative may be communicating that they feel overwhelmed and do not yet know how to explain it.

Progress may be gradual, and a difficult morning does not mean that you or your child have failed. Notice small steps, keep communication open and adjust the support plan as you learn more. With patience, practical preparation and the right help, your child can begin the new school year feeling understood, supported and more confident in their ability to cope.

Frequently Asked Questions About Back-to-School Anxiety