As parents, many of us are trying to raise kind, emotionally healthy boys while also helping our daughters navigate the world around them. Yet somewhere between social media, peer pressure, gaming culture and outdated stereotypes, conversations around toxic masculinity seem to crop up more and more.
But what does toxic masculinity actually mean? And should parents be worried about it?
The truth is, toxic masculinity isn’t about saying masculinity itself is bad. Healthy masculinity can be incredibly positive. The concern is around harmful behaviours and attitudes that pressure boys and men into unhealthy ideas about what it means to be “a real man”.
As a mum of teens myself, I know how complicated this topic can feel. We want our children to grow into confident adults, but we also want them to feel emotionally safe, respectful and able to ask for help when they need it.
In this guide, we’ll look at what toxic masculinity refers to, toxic masculinity examples, how it impacts mental health, and what parents can do to encourage healthy masculinity at home.
What Is Toxic Masculinity?
Toxic masculinity refers to harmful ideas about masculinity that pressure boys and men to behave in certain ways in order to appear strong, dominant or emotionally tough.
It often involves traditional notions of masculinity being taken to an extreme, where boys are taught to:
- suppress emotions
- avoid asking for help
- appear stoic at all times
- reject anything viewed as “weak”
- rely on aggression and dominance
- conform to rigid gender roles
The phrase doesn’t mean all masculine traits are harmful. In fact, many masculine traits such as courage, leadership, resilience and protectiveness can be incredibly positive when balanced with empathy and emotional awareness.
The issue comes when traditional masculinity becomes linked to emotional suppression, misogyny, homophobia or harmful risk-taking behaviour.
The American Psychological Association (APA) has discussed how conformity to masculine norms can negatively affect mental and physical health, especially when boys are taught that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.
Toxic Masculinity Examples Parents May Recognise
Sometimes toxic masculine attitudes are obvious, but often they appear in subtle everyday moments.
Here are some toxic masculinity examples many parents may have encountered:
“Boys don’t cry”
One of the biggest pressures on men starts in childhood. Young boys are often encouraged to hide emotions apart from anger.
Phrases like:
- “man up”
- “stop being soft”
- “don’t act like a girl”
can teach boys to suppress emotions rather than process them in healthy ways.
Pressure to Always Be Tough
Traditional gender roles often reward toughness and dominance while discouraging sensitivity.
This pressure to conform can make boys and young men feel they must:
- never appear vulnerable
- always win
- hide anxiety
- avoid emotional conversations
Over time, this emotional suppression can contribute to mental health issues.
Mocking Difference
Toxic masculinity can sometimes encourage boys to insult others who don’t fit a narrow view of masculinity.
This might involve:
- homophobia
- sexist jokes
- mocking boys for emotional behaviour
- criticism around body image
- negative attitudes toward women
Risk-Taking and Dangerous Behaviour
Some masculine behaviours become linked to proving “manliness”, including:
- reckless driving
- substance use
- fighting
- aggression
- refusing medical help
These harmful behaviors and attitudes can affect personal health and wellbeing long-term.
How Toxic Masculinity Impacts Mental Health
One of the biggest concerns around toxic masculinity and how it impacts mental health is that boys and men are often taught to deal with struggles alone.
According to Mental Health Foundation UK, men are less likely to access mental health treatment or openly discuss emotional difficulties.
When boys to suppress feelings such as sadness, fear or shame, those emotions don’t disappear. Instead, they can sometimes emerge as:
- anger
- withdrawal
- anxiety
- emotional outbursts
- low self-esteem
- aggression
Mental health professionals regularly warn that pressure on men to appear emotionally strong can prevent men from seeking support early.
This can affect:
- relationships
- school life
- friendships
- work
- personal health
- overall wellbeing
As parents, it’s important to remember that emotional openness and healthy masculinity are not opposites.
Why Society’s View of Masculinity Matters
Cultural norms shape how children see themselves from a very young age.
Social media, films, influencers, sport, media studies and even friendship groups all influence expressions of masculinity.
Some boys absorb the idea that masculine means:
- emotionally distant
- macho
- dominant
- physically powerful
- unemotional
Meanwhile, girls may also internalise harmful stereotype expectations about men and boys.
The problem is that these traditional gender expectations can harm society as a whole, not just individuals.
Healthy relationships rely on communication, empathy and emotional regulation — skills every child needs regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.
Healthy Masculinity: What Does It Look Like?
Healthy masculinity encourages boys and men to embrace positive masculine traits without shame or emotional restriction.
A healthy view of masculinity might include:
- confidence without arrogance
- strength alongside kindness
- emotional honesty
- respect toward women
- accountability
- resilience without emotional suppression
- asking for help when needed
Healthy masculinity also allows boys to:
- express emotions safely
- enjoy hobbies without judgement
- develop empathy
- build respectful relationships
- feel secure in who they are
This is particularly important for older men and younger generations alike, as many adults are now trying to reprogram masculinity after growing up with more rigid gender norms.
How Parents Can Support Boys and Young Men
As parents, we can’t control every outside influence, but we can shape what happens at home for our boys.
Encourage Emotional Conversations
Try to normalise talking about feelings early.
Simple questions like:
- “What made you feel frustrated today?”
- “Did anything upset you?”
- “How are you coping with that?”
can help boys feel emotionally safe.
Avoid Shaming Language
Many of us grew up hearing phrases linked to traditional masculinity without even realising their impact.
Try to avoid:
- “be a man”
- “don’t be weak”
- “boys don’t cry”
Instead, reinforce that all emotions are normal.
Model Healthy Behaviour
Children learn more from what we do than what we say.
Seeing fathers, mums, male role models and carers communicate calmly, apologise, show affection and discuss emotions teaches boys healthy emotional habits.
Challenge Harmful Behaviour Calmly
If you hear sexist comments, aggressive attitudes or insults rooted in toxic masculine ideas, approach the conversation without panic or shame.
Ask:
- “Why do you think that?”
- “How would that make someone feel?”
- “Where do you think that message comes from?”
Open conversations are often more effective than lectures.
Keep Communication Open Around Social Media
Online influencers can heavily shape a teen’s view of masculinity and men and society.
Stay curious rather than confrontational. Ask what your teen is watching, who they admire and why.
When Should Parents Worry?
It’s normal for teenagers to test boundaries and experiment with identity.
However, you may want to seek support if your child shows:
- extreme anger or aggression
- emotional withdrawal
- misogyny or hateful attitudes
- obsessive pressure to conform
- persistent emotional suppression
- harmful risk-taking behaviour
- refusal to discuss emotions at all
Support can come from:
- school wellbeing teams
- GPs
- counselling services
- mental health professionals
The NHS Every Mind Matters website also has excellent resources for parents supporting teen mental health.
Toxic Masculinity and Parenting in the Real World
Parenting teens today feels very different from even a decade ago.
Many parents are trying to balance raising emotionally strong children without leaving them vulnerable to online judgement, peer pressure or social expectations.
The reality is that masculinity itself is not the problem. Boys do not need to become less masculine. What matters is helping them feel free to be fully human — emotionally aware, respectful, resilient and kind.
That balance is where healthy masculinity thrives.
FAQs About Toxic Masculinity
What is toxic masculinity in simple terms?
Toxic masculinity refers to harmful ideas that pressure boys and men to appear emotionally tough, dominant or aggressive while suppressing vulnerability and emotions.
Does toxic masculinity mean masculinity is bad?
No. Masculinity itself is not harmful. Healthy masculinity includes positive traits like resilience, leadership, kindness and emotional honesty.
Why does toxic masculinity impact mental health?
It impacts mental health because boys and men may feel pressure to hide emotions, avoid asking for help and suppress emotional struggles rather than addressing them openly.
How can parents encourage healthy masculinity?
Parents can encourage healthy masculinity by modelling emotional openness, avoiding shame-based language, encouraging respectful behaviour and creating safe conversations around emotions.
When should I worry about my teenager’s behaviour?
You may want additional support if your teenager shows persistent aggression, emotional withdrawal, misogyny, harmful risk-taking or struggles to regulate emotions.
Can toxic masculinity affect girls too?
Yes. Harmful gender norms can affect everyone, influencing relationships, expectations, confidence and emotional wellbeing across society as a whole.
Conclusion
Conversations around toxic masculinity can sometimes feel uncomfortable or confusing, especially as parents trying to raise confident, emotionally healthy teens in a rapidly changing world.
But at its heart, this topic is really about helping boys and young men feel safe enough to be themselves — not trapped by outdated stereotypes or pressure to conform.
Encouraging emotional honesty, empathy and respect doesn’t weaken boys. In many ways, it gives them the tools to become stronger, healthier and happier adults.
And honestly, that’s something most of us want for all of our children.