You’re Not Alone: ADHD Waiting Lists Across the UK

If you’re reading this because your child has been referred for an ADHD assessment, you’re probably feeling a mixture of relief and frustration. Relief that someone has finally listened to your concerns, but frustration that the next step may still feel a long way off.

You’re certainly not alone. ADHD referrals have risen dramatically across England in recent years, and NHS data estimated that there were more than 800,000 open referrals for ADHD assessments by March 2026. This growing demand is one of the biggest reasons many families now face lengthy waiting times.

Across the UK, many families are experiencing lengthy waits for NHS ADHD assessments. Depending on where you live, the service your child has been referred to, and local demand, waiting times can range from several months to well over a year. In some areas, families report waiting even longer.

According to ADHD UK, NHS waiting times vary significantly depending on where families live, with some children waiting months while others face waits of several years.

It can feel incredibly difficult knowing your child is struggling while you’re left in limbo. You may worry that they’re falling behind at school, finding friendships harder than their peers, or beginning to lose confidence in themselves. It’s natural to wonder whether you should simply wait for the assessment before trying to help.

The good news is that you don’t have to.

An ADHD assessment provides valuable information and, where appropriate, can lead to a formal diagnosis and discussions about treatment. However, many of the strategies that support children with attention, impulsivity and emotional regulation are beneficial regardless of whether a diagnosis has been confirmed. In fact, making small changes at home and working closely with your child’s school during this waiting period can have a meaningful impact on their wellbeing.

Before we begin, I want you to know that this isn’t just information I’ve researched. As a mum, our family has been through the ADHD assessment process more than once. We’ve already experienced two ADHD assessments, we currently have one child waiting for an ADHD reassessment following advice from our GP, and another who is waiting for their first ADHD assessment. I know first-hand how overwhelming it can feel to have questions, concerns and long periods of uncertainty while you wait for answers.

Throughout this guide, I’ll share practical advice based on both reliable evidence and our family’s experiences. Every child is different, and what worked for us won’t be right for everyone, but my hope is that this guide helps you feel more informed, supported and less alone while you’re waiting.

Why are ADHD waiting lists so long?

There isn’t one simple reason. ADHD services across the UK have experienced a significant increase in referrals over recent years. Greater awareness among parents, teachers and healthcare professionals means more children who may previously have gone unnoticed are now being identified and referred for assessment.

It’s important to remember that this doesn’t necessarily mean more children suddenly have ADHD than in the past. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) continues to estimate that around 5% of children and young people have ADHD. What has changed is that more families, schools and healthcare professionals are recognising the signs and seeking assessment.

At the same time, specialist NHS services have struggled to keep pace with this growing demand. Many teams face staff shortages, limited funding and increasing caseloads, resulting in longer waiting lists in many parts of the country.

Waiting can be incredibly frustrating, but it isn’t a reflection of how seriously your child’s needs are being taken. It is largely a result of the pressure on ADHD assessment services rather than the importance of your child’s referral.

When our family first joined an ADHD waiting list, I remember feeling as though life had been put on hold. I caught myself thinking, “We’ll know what to do once we’ve had the assessment.” Looking back, I realise that was one of the biggest misconceptions. Some of the most helpful changes we made happened long before anyone sat down with us for an assessment.

Your child doesn’t need to wait to be supported

One of the biggest misconceptions is that nothing can be done until an ADHD diagnosis has been confirmed.

In reality, there are many practical steps you can take now. Schools can often introduce supportive strategies before a diagnosis is made, and simple adjustments at home can reduce stress, improve routines and help your child feel more understood. Learning about ADHD, understanding your child’s individual challenges and responding with empathy rather than frustration can all make a positive difference during this waiting period.

Rather than seeing this time as “waiting for help”, try to think of it as an opportunity to build a toolkit that will continue to benefit your child long after their assessment has taken place.

Remember: A diagnosis doesn’t change who your child is. It simply helps explain why they may experience the world differently and can open the door to additional support. The understanding, patience and encouragement you offer today are just as valuable as any support they may receive after their assessment.

What Happens After an ADHD Referral?

Receiving confirmation that your child has been referred for an ADHD assessment can bring a huge sense of relief. After months—or perhaps years—of wondering whether your concerns were valid, someone has finally agreed that your child needs further assessment.

Then comes the difficult part: waiting.

Although the exact process varies depending on where you live in the UK and whether your child has been referred to CAMHS, Community Paediatrics or another local service, the overall journey is usually very similar.

If you’re wondering what happens next, here’s a simple overview of the typical ADHD assessment journey. Every local NHS service works slightly differently, but most families will follow a pathway similar to this.

Step 1: Your referral is reviewed

Once your GP, school or another healthcare professional has made a referral, it will be reviewed by the specialist ADHD service.

The team will decide whether they have enough information to accept the referral or whether they need further evidence before adding your child to the waiting list. Sometimes they may ask for additional information from your GP, your child’s school or from you as a parent.

If your referral is accepted, your child will usually be placed on the waiting list for an assessment.

Step 2: Questionnaires and information gathering

Before the assessment takes place, you may be asked to complete detailed questionnaires about your child’s behaviour, development and daily life.

Schools are often asked to complete similar forms, as ADHD symptoms need to be present in more than one setting. The assessment team wants to build a complete picture of how your child functions both at home and at school.

The questions can feel repetitive, but they’re designed to identify patterns rather than focus on individual incidents. It’s important to answer honestly rather than trying to present your child in either the best or worst possible light.

Step 3: The waiting period

For many families, this is the hardest stage.

It can feel as though everything has stopped while you’re waiting for an appointment, especially if your child is struggling at school or becoming increasingly anxious or frustrated.

It’s worth remembering that your child’s needs don’t disappear simply because they’re on a waiting list. Continue speaking to your child’s school, keep a note of any significant changes in behaviour or wellbeing, and don’t be afraid to seek further support from your GP if new concerns arise while you’re waiting.

You don’t have to put life on hold until the assessment takes place.

ADHD Assessment Checklist

Before your appointment, remember to take:

✓ School reports

✓ SEN support plans

✓ Observation diary

✓ Examples from home

✓ Medication list

✓ Questions to ask

✓ Sleep concerns

✓ Family history

Step 4: The ADHD assessment

When your appointment finally arrives, the assessment is usually much more detailed than many parents expect.

Rather than relying on a single questionnaire or observation, clinicians build a picture of your child’s development over time. They may ask about:

• Pregnancy, birth and early childhood development.
• Milestones such as speech and language.
• Behaviour at home and at school.
• Friendships and social development.
• Emotional regulation.
• Sleep patterns.
• Family history of ADHD or other neurodevelopmental conditions.
• Any other medical or mental health concerns.

Depending on your local service, your child may also spend time speaking directly with the clinician, completing activities or answering age-appropriate questions.

Step 5: Receiving the outcome

Not every child who is assessed will receive an ADHD diagnosis.

Sometimes the assessment concludes that ADHD best explains your child’s difficulties. In other cases, clinicians may feel another condition, such as autism, anxiety, sensory processing differences or a learning difficulty, better explains the challenges your child is experiencing. Some children receive more than one diagnosis, while others may need further assessment before any conclusions can be reached.

ADHD and autism frequently occur together. It’s quite common for clinicians to identify characteristics of both conditions during the assessment process, which is one reason the assessment explores your child’s development so thoroughly rather than focusing on attention alone.

Whatever the outcome, the assessment is designed to help identify the support your child needs—not to label them.

When the Assessment Outcome Doesn’t Feel Clear-Cut

It is also possible to leave an ADHD assessment feeling that the outcome hasn’t fully reflected the child you know.

At one of our final assessment appointments, we were told that our child had scored highly for ADHD according to both school and family questionnaires. However, because the QbTest result was inconclusive, the clinician felt the presentation was only “borderline” and not sufficient for a diagnosis.

I found that incredibly difficult to understand. The reports from the adults who saw our child functioning in everyday life all pointed towards significant ADHD traits, yet a short computer-based task appeared to carry considerable weight in the final decision.

The QbTest measures attention, impulsivity and movement while a child completes a repetitive computer task. It can provide clinicians with useful additional information, but it isn’t intended to diagnose or rule out ADHD by itself. Current NICE guidance says it should only be used alongside a full clinical assessment, which includes developmental history, information from parents and school, the effect of symptoms across different settings and the level of impairment they cause.

I also couldn’t help questioning whether children who regularly play computer games might respond differently to a computer-based task than expected. That was my personal concern rather than a clinical conclusion, but it reinforced how important it is for the whole child—and not simply one test result—to be considered.

If the outcome doesn’t make sense to you, it is reasonable to ask the clinician to explain:

• how much weight was given to each part of the assessment
• how reports from home and school were considered
• why your child did or didn’t meet the diagnostic criteria
• whether another condition could explain their difficulties
• what “borderline” means in practical terms
• what support is recommended despite the absence of a diagnosis
• whether reassessment may be appropriate if difficulties continue or become more apparent

Not receiving a diagnosis doesn’t mean the difficulties you and your child’s school have observed are imaginary. It means the assessment team did not feel the diagnostic threshold had been met at that particular time. Your child’s needs still deserve to be recognised and supported.

Every child’s journey is different

One thing I’ve learnt from our own family’s experience is that no two ADHD journeys look the same.

Although we’ve already been through the assessment process more than once, each of our children has followed a different path. The questions asked, the professionals involved and even the length of time between referral and assessment have varied. That’s why it’s helpful to understand the general process, but not to worry if your family’s experience looks slightly different.

The important thing to remember is that this waiting period isn’t wasted time. There is a great deal you can do to support your child while you’re waiting for answers—and that’s exactly what we’ll look at next.

Can My Child Get Support Before They’re Diagnosed?

One of the biggest worries many parents have after their child is referred for an ADHD assessment is that they’ll be expected to simply wait.

If you’ve been told the waiting list could be months—or even years—you may be wondering how your child is supposed to cope in the meantime.

The reassuring news is that your child does not need a formal ADHD diagnosis to receive support.

Although a diagnosis can make it easier to access some services, schools and healthcare professionals are able to put support in place based on your child’s individual needs rather than a diagnostic label.

As a parent, it’s important to remember that you’re not asking for special treatment. You’re asking for reasonable adjustments that allow your child to learn, participate and thrive.

Speak to Your Child’s School

If you haven’t already done so, arrange a meeting with your child’s class teacher or form tutor.

Explain that your child is waiting for an ADHD assessment and share the difficulties you’re seeing at home. Teachers often notice different challenges in the classroom, and working together helps build a clearer picture of your child’s needs.

If your child continues to struggle, ask whether the school’s Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO) can become involved.

The SENCO’s role is to identify barriers to learning and recommend practical strategies that can support your child in school. They don’t need to wait for a diagnosis before offering advice or implementing additional support.

What Support Can Schools Offer?

Every school is different, so the support available will vary. However, many schools can introduce simple adjustments that make a significant difference.

These might include:

• seating your child away from distractions
• breaking larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps
• providing visual timetables or written instructions
• allowing regular movement or sensory breaks
• using checklists to support organisation
• giving extra processing time before expecting an answer
• checking your child has understood instructions
• providing access to fidget tools where appropriate
• creating a quiet space if they become overwhelmed
• assigning a trusted adult they can speak to if they’re struggling emotionally

Sometimes these changes are made informally by a supportive teacher, while in other cases they may form part of a written support plan.

Keep Communicating

Your child is likely to have good days and difficult days while you’re waiting for their assessment.

Keeping regular contact with school can help everyone spot patterns.

You might notice that your child struggles more after poor sleep, during busy periods of the school day or when routines change unexpectedly. Sharing these observations can help teachers understand your child’s behaviour and adapt their approach where possible.

Likewise, ask school to let you know if they notice new challenges or successful strategies that you could try at home.

When home and school work together, children receive much more consistent support.

Listen Carefully to the Language School Uses

Looking back, some of the clearest signs that additional support was needed came from the language teachers used when talking about our children.

Over the years, we heard comments such as, “I don’t know how to cope with them anymore,” “I don’t know how I can help them,” and “They just need to learn to focus more.”

Those comments were difficult to hear, particularly when they seemed to place the responsibility back onto the child. A child who is struggling with attention cannot simply decide to focus harder any more than a child with poor eyesight can decide to see the board more clearly.

However, these conversations also told us something important: the strategies being used were not meeting our child’s needs.

When a teacher says they no longer know how to help, try to hear it as a sign that the situation needs a different approach rather than more pressure on the child. It may be the right time to involve the SENCO, request a more structured support plan and ask the school to document the strategies that have already been tried.

Questions you could ask include:

• Which parts of the school day are most difficult?
• What tends to happen immediately before problems arise?
• Which strategies have already been attempted?
• Are there lessons or situations in which my child copes better?
• What additional adjustments could the SENCO recommend?
• How will we review whether those adjustments are helping?

Comments such as “They need to focus more” describe the outcome adults want, but they don’t explain how the child is supposed to achieve it. The more helpful question is: What support would make it easier for this child to focus?

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for More Help

If your child’s difficulties become significantly worse while you’re waiting, don’t feel you have to struggle alone.

Speak to your GP if your child’s mental health, anxiety or behaviour changes dramatically, or if they’re finding school increasingly difficult to manage.

Depending on your child’s circumstances, there may be other services available while you wait, including local parenting programmes, family support services, educational psychology advice or community organisations that support neurodivergent children and their families.

Asking for additional help isn’t “jumping the queue.” It’s making sure your child receives the support they need right now.

A Diagnosis Doesn’t Create Your Child’s Needs

This is something I wish more parents were told at the beginning of the process.

Your child doesn’t suddenly start finding school difficult on the day they’re diagnosed. They don’t suddenly develop emotional regulation difficulties, struggle to concentrate or become overwhelmed because a clinician confirms ADHD.

Those challenges already exist.

The assessment simply helps explain why they’re happening.

That’s why it’s so important not to think of support as something that begins after diagnosis. Some of the most effective changes our family made happened long before we ever sat in an assessment room. Learning how our children experienced the world—and adapting our expectations and routines accordingly—made everyday life calmer for all of us.

If there’s one message I’d love every parent to take away from this guide, it’s this:

Your child deserves understanding, patience and appropriate support today—not just after a diagnosis.

Understanding What Your Child May Be Finding Difficult

Every child is unique, and no two children with suspected ADHD will experience the same challenges.

Some children seem to be constantly on the go, while others quietly drift off into their own world. Some are impulsive and struggle to think before they act, while others become overwhelmed by emotions they can’t yet regulate. Many children experience a combination of these traits.

It’s also important to remember that many of these behaviours are part of normal childhood from time to time. What makes ADHD different is that the difficulties are more persistent, occur across different settings and have a significant impact on everyday life.

While you’re waiting for an assessment, understanding what your child may be experiencing can help you respond with greater patience and compassion.

Myth: ADHD always means being hyperactive.

Reality: Many children with ADHD aren’t physically hyperactive at all. Their biggest challenges are attention, working memory, organisation, impulsive decision-making or emotional regulation.

Attention Isn’t Always About Concentrating

One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that children simply “can’t concentrate.”

In reality, many children with ADHD can concentrate exceptionally well on activities they find exciting or rewarding. You may have noticed your child can spend hours building with LEGO, playing Minecraft or reading about a favourite hobby, yet struggle to complete five minutes of homework.

This isn’t laziness or a lack of effort.

ADHD affects the brain’s ability to regulate attention. Your child may find it difficult to direct their focus towards tasks that feel repetitive, less stimulating or require sustained mental effort, even when they genuinely want to do well.

Working Memory Can Make Everyday Tasks Harder

Working memory is like the brain’s temporary notepad. It helps us hold onto information long enough to use it.

Children with ADHD may genuinely forget instructions within seconds—not because they weren’t listening, but because the information wasn’t successfully stored.

You might recognise situations like:

• forgetting what they were asked to do halfway upstairs
• leaving their PE kit at home for the third week running
• starting one task before remembering another
• constantly losing school equipment
• needing instructions repeated several times

These moments can be frustrating for everyone involved, but they usually reflect differences in how the brain processes information rather than carelessness.

Big Emotions Can Feel Impossible to Control

Many children with ADHD experience emotions very intensely.

They may become upset over something that seems minor to others, struggle to calm themselves after an argument or find it difficult to cope when plans suddenly change.

As parents, it’s easy to focus on the behaviour we can see—a slammed door, shouting or tears—but underneath those reactions is often a child whose brain is struggling to regulate overwhelming feelings.

Learning to see emotional outbursts as a sign that your child needs support, rather than punishment, can completely change the way you respond.

Everyday Tasks May Feel Overwhelming

Things that appear simple to adults can involve dozens of tiny steps.

For example, “Get ready for school” actually means:

• get dressed
• brush your teeth
• pack your school bag
• remember your reading book
• fill your water bottle
• put on your shoes
• find your coat
• leave the house on time

Children with ADHD often struggle with planning, organisation and sequencing. Looking at the whole task can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to know where to begin.

Breaking routines into smaller, manageable steps can make a huge difference.

Friendships Can Be More Complicated

Many children with ADHD desperately want friends but find it difficult to maintain friendships.

They may interrupt conversations without meaning to, struggle to take turns, become overly enthusiastic during games or find it difficult to recognise social cues.

Some children are also incredibly sensitive to criticism or rejection. A disagreement that another child quickly forgets may stay with them for days, leaving them convinced that nobody likes them.

As a parent, these friendship struggles can be heartbreaking to watch, but they’re often a reflection of differences in social communication and emotional regulation—not a lack of kindness or empathy.

Sleep Can Affect Everything Else

Sleep difficulties are common in children with ADHD and can make daytime challenges even harder.

Research suggests that many children with ADHD experience ongoing sleep difficulties, including problems falling asleep, staying asleep or settling their thoughts at bedtime. Poor sleep can make attention, emotional regulation and impulsivity even more challenging the following day, creating a cycle that’s difficult for families to break.

Your child may struggle to settle at bedtime, have racing thoughts, wake frequently during the night or find it difficult to wake in the morning after a restless sleep.

When children are tired, concentrating, managing emotions and coping with frustration become even more difficult, creating a cycle that can be exhausting for the whole family.

If sleep is becoming a significant concern, it’s worth discussing it with your GP while you’re waiting for the assessment, as there may be strategies or support that can help.

Remember That Your Child Isn’t Choosing to Struggle

One of the most helpful mindset shifts we made as a family was asking ourselves a simple question:

“What is my child finding difficult right now?”

instead of

“Why are they behaving like this?”

That small change encouraged us to look beyond the behaviour and consider what might be driving it. Was our child overwhelmed? Had they forgotten the instructions? Were they exhausted after trying to hold everything together at school? Or had they reached the point where they simply couldn’t regulate their emotions any longer?

We didn’t always get it right, and we still don’t. But approaching difficult moments with curiosity rather than frustration has helped us respond more calmly and strengthened our relationship with our children.

Understanding your child’s challenges doesn’t mean lowering expectations or excusing every behaviour. It means recognising that behaviour is a form of communication and giving your child the support they need to develop the skills they’re still learning.

ADHD Doesn’t Always Look Like Hyperactivity

When many people hear the term ADHD, they picture a child who is constantly running, climbing, talking and unable to sit still.

That stereotype is one of the reasons some children wait much longer than they should for support.

Before our own family began this journey, I assumed ADHD always looked much the same. When I first raised concerns with school, I remember feeling as though people thought I was worrying unnecessarily because my child wasn’t particularly hyperactive.

Instead, the difficulties looked very different.

The biggest challenges were staying focused, becoming easily distracted, acting impulsively without thinking things through, forgetting instructions almost immediately and becoming trapped in cycles of overthinking. From the outside, those behaviours didn’t match many people’s idea of ADHD, but they were having a significant impact on everyday life.

If your child doesn’t fit the stereotypical image of ADHD, you’re certainly not alone.

ADHD Has Different Presentations

Today, healthcare professionals recognise three different presentations of ADHD. Every child is unique, and some children show characteristics from more than one presentation.

Predominantly Inattentive Presentation

Children with predominantly inattentive ADHD are often the ones who are overlooked because they may not be disruptive in the classroom.

They might:

• appear dreamy or “away with the fairies”
• become easily distracted
• struggle to follow instructions
• frequently lose belongings
• forget what they’ve been asked to do
• find it difficult to organise themselves
• make careless mistakes despite trying hard
• seem quiet but mentally overwhelmed

These children are sometimes described as “not working to their potential” when, in reality, they’re working incredibly hard just to stay focused.

Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation

Children with this presentation are more likely to display the behaviours people traditionally associate with ADHD.

They may:

• fidget constantly
• find it difficult to stay seated
• interrupt conversations
• blurt out answers
• act before thinking
• struggle to wait their turn
• talk excessively
• appear to have endless energy

Combined Presentation

Many children have a combination of inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive traits.

For example, a child might struggle with concentration and organisation while also finding it difficult to control impulses or regulate emotions.

The balance of these traits can also change as children grow older.

What’s the Difference Between ADD and ADHD?

If you’ve heard the term ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), you’re not alone. Many parents, teachers and even some healthcare professionals still use it in everyday conversation.

However, ADD is no longer an official medical diagnosis.

The term was replaced many years ago, and today all presentations fall under the umbrella diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

What many people still refer to as ADD is now usually called ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive Presentation.

Although the name includes the word hyperactivity, that doesn’t mean every child with ADHD is physically hyperactive.

For some children, the hyperactivity is less obvious. It may show up as a busy mind that never seems to switch off, racing thoughts, impulsive decision-making or feeling internally restless rather than constantly moving around.

That’s why it’s so important not to dismiss concerns simply because a child isn’t climbing the furniture or constantly on the go.

Every Child Will Have Their Own Strengths and Challenges

No two children with ADHD are exactly alike.

Some children are outgoing and energetic, while others are quiet and thoughtful. Some excel academically but struggle socially. Others appear to cope well at school before completely falling apart at home after masking their difficulties all day.

Rather than asking whether your child fits a particular stereotype, it’s far more helpful to ask whether they’re finding everyday life harder than it needs to be.

That’s exactly what an ADHD assessment is designed to explore.

Remember: ADHD isn’t defined by how active a child appears. It’s defined by how differences in attention, impulsivity and self-regulation affect their everyday life. Every child’s experience is unique, and understanding those differences is the first step towards finding the right support.

Practical Ways to Help Your Child at Home While Waiting for an ADHD Assessment

When you’re waiting for an ADHD assessment, it’s easy to feel as though life is on hold. You may find yourself thinking, “We’ll know what to do once we have a diagnosis.”

I remember feeling exactly the same.

But one of the biggest lessons our family has learnt is that some of the most effective support doesn’t require a diagnosis at all. Small, consistent changes to your routines, communication and expectations can reduce stress for everyone and help your child feel more successful every day.

Not every strategy will suit every child, so don’t feel you need to try everything at once. Start with one or two ideas that seem most relevant to your family and build from there.

Keep Instructions Short and Simple

Children with ADHD often struggle to hold several pieces of information in their working memory at the same time.

Instead of saying:

“Go upstairs, brush your teeth, get dressed, pack your school bag and don’t forget your reading book.”

Try giving one instruction at a time.

For example:

“Let’s start by brushing your teeth.”

Once that’s complete, move on to the next step.

Breaking tasks into smaller chunks reduces the mental load and gives your child more opportunities to succeed.

Create Visual Routines

Many children respond better to visual reminders than spoken instructions.

A simple morning or bedtime routine displayed with pictures or a written checklist can help your child become more independent while reducing the number of times you need to repeat yourself.

You could create routines for:

• getting ready for school
• bedtime
• packing school bags
• homework
• after-school activities
• getting ready for clubs or sports

Ticking off completed tasks also gives children a sense of achievement and progress.

Give Plenty of Notice Before Transitions

Moving from one activity to another can be surprisingly difficult for children with ADHD.

Rather than expecting them to stop immediately, try giving advance warnings.

For example:

• “Ten minutes until we leave.”
• “Five more minutes, then it’s dinner.”
• “One last level, then it’s time to switch the game off.”

Visual timers, countdown clocks or phone alarms can also help because your child isn’t relying solely on you to tell them when it’s time to stop.

Break Big Jobs Into Tiny Steps

A task that seems simple to an adult can feel enormous to a child who’s struggling with organisation.

Instead of saying:

“Tidy your bedroom.”

Try breaking it down into manageable stages.

For example:

• Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
• Put books back on the shelf.
• Pick up everything from the floor.
• Make the bed.
• Empty the bin.

Completing one small step at a time feels much less overwhelming than tackling the whole room at once.

Focus on Connection Before Correction

When your child has forgotten something, interrupted a conversation or reacted emotionally, your first instinct may be to correct the behaviour immediately.

Sometimes, however, children respond better when they first feel understood.

Simple phrases like:

• “I can see you’re finding this difficult.”
• “Let’s work it out together.”
• “I know this feels frustrating.”

can help your child feel calmer and more able to listen.

This doesn’t mean ignoring inappropriate behaviour. It simply means recognising that children are more receptive to guidance when they feel emotionally safe.

Praise Effort, Not Just Results

Children waiting for an ADHD assessment often hear far more corrections than compliments.

Over time, this can affect their confidence and leave them believing they’re always getting things wrong.

Try to notice the small successes.

Instead of only praising outcomes, acknowledge the effort behind them.

For example:

• “I noticed you remembered your water bottle today.”
• “You kept trying even though your homework was difficult.”
• “You stopped and thought before answering.”
• “I can see how hard you worked on that.”

These moments help build resilience and remind your child that progress matters more than perfection.

Build Movement Into the Day

Many children think more clearly after moving their bodies.

Movement doesn’t have to mean organised sport or long exercise sessions. Short bursts of physical activity throughout the day can help children release energy, improve focus and regulate their emotions.

Ideas include:

• walking the dog
• jumping on a trampoline
• dancing to a favourite song
• riding a bike or scooter
• stretching or yoga
• playing in the garden
• helping carry shopping or household jobs

Finding opportunities for movement before homework or other tasks that require concentration can often make those activities feel more manageable.

Reduce Unnecessary Battles

Not every disagreement needs to become a battle.

Ask yourself:

“Is this something that’s genuinely important, or am I correcting it simply because it’s not how I would do it?”

Saving your energy for the things that truly matter—such as safety, kindness and respect—can reduce conflict and create a calmer atmosphere at home.

Children who spend less time feeling criticised are often more willing to accept guidance when it really counts.

Look for Your Child’s Strengths

When life revolves around appointments, referrals and school concerns, it’s easy for ADHD to become the focus of every conversation.

Try to make space for the things your child enjoys and excels at.

They might be:

• wonderfully creative
• naturally curious
• funny and entertaining
• compassionate towards others
• brilliant at problem-solving
• full of energy and enthusiasm
• passionate about a favourite hobby

Helping your child recognise these strengths can protect their self-esteem during a period when they may already feel different from their peers.

Remember: Progress Is Rarely Linear

Some days will feel like everything is finally falling into place.

On other days, you may wonder whether anything you’ve tried has made a difference.

That’s completely normal.

Children develop at their own pace, and there will be setbacks alongside successes. What matters most isn’t having a perfect routine or responding perfectly every time. It’s creating a home where your child feels safe, accepted and understood.

Looking back, our family certainly didn’t get everything right—and we still have days that are challenging. But I’ve learnt that the small, everyday moments matter most. A little more patience, a slightly calmer morning routine or choosing connection over conflict won’t magically remove your child’s difficulties, but they can make home feel like a place where your child knows they’re loved exactly as they are.

Parent Tip: Keep a Simple Observation Diary

While you’re trying different strategies, consider keeping a notebook or notes app where you jot down what seems to help and what makes things harder.

You don’t need to record every detail. Just note things like:

• What happened?
• What seemed to trigger the difficulty?
• What helped?
• Was your child tired, hungry or overwhelmed?
• Did a particular strategy work well?

By the time your child’s assessment comes around, you’ll have real-life examples to share with the clinician, and you may even spot patterns that help you support your child more effectively in the meantime.

Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Wellbeing While You Wait

For many children, the hardest part of living with undiagnosed ADHD isn’t struggling to concentrate or remember instructions.

It’s how those daily struggles make them feel.

Children are often far more aware of their differences than adults realise. They may notice that they’re the one who is always being reminded to sit still, the one who forgets their homework, the one who gets into trouble for talking, or the one who seems to find everyday tasks harder than everyone else.

Living with undiagnosed ADHD can affect far more than concentration. When children repeatedly feel they’re forgetting things, getting told off or struggling with tasks that seem easy for their friends, it’s understandable that their confidence can suffer. That’s why supporting your child’s emotional wellbeing while you’re waiting is every bit as important as preparing for the assessment itself.

Over time, these experiences can begin to affect their confidence and emotional wellbeing.

As parents, we can’t remove every challenge our children face, but we can help them feel understood, accepted and supported while they’re waiting for answers.

Protect Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Children who are constantly corrected can start to believe that they’re “naughty”, “lazy” or “not trying hard enough”.

These labels can become part of how they see themselves.

Try to separate who your child is from the behaviours they’re struggling with.

Instead of saying:

“You’re so messy.”

You could say:

“Let’s work together to find a way of keeping your things organised.”

Instead of:

“You never listen.”

Try:

“I think those instructions were difficult to remember. Let’s go through them together.”

These small changes in language remind your child that they’re not the problem. They’re a child learning skills that don’t come as easily to them.

Make Home a Safe Place to Unmask

Many children spend all day working incredibly hard to meet expectations at school.

They concentrate, suppress impulses, follow rules and try to fit in with their classmates. By the time they get home, they may be mentally and emotionally exhausted.

This is one reason some children seem to “fall apart” after school.

If your child regularly comes home tearful, angry or emotionally overwhelmed, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong. In fact, it can be a sign that home is the place where they feel safest to let those emotions out.

That doesn’t mean accepting hurtful behaviour, but it can help to see these moments as a sign that your child needs support and recovery rather than immediate punishment.

Help Your Child Understand Their Brain

If your child is old enough, it can help to have age-appropriate conversations about how everyone’s brain works differently.

You don’t need to wait for a diagnosis to explain that some people find concentrating easier than others, some people need more movement, and some experience emotions more intensely.

Avoid describing ADHD as something that is “wrong” with your child.

Instead, explain that people have different strengths and different challenges, and you’re working together to understand how their brain works best.

This can reduce feelings of shame and encourage your child to ask for help when they need it.

Encourage Open Conversations

Your child may not always have the words to explain how they’re feeling.

Rather than asking:

“How was school?”

—which often receives the familiar response of “Fine”—try asking more specific questions, such as:

• What was the best part of your day?
• Was anything tricky today?
• Did anything make you feel worried or frustrated?
• Was there a moment you felt proud of yourself?
• Is there anything you’d like tomorrow to be different?

These gentle conversations can help you understand what your child is experiencing without making them feel they’re being questioned.

Watch for Signs That They May Be Struggling

Every child has difficult days, but it’s important to keep an eye on their emotional wellbeing while you’re waiting for an assessment.

You may want to seek additional support if your child:

• frequently says they’re “stupid” or “bad”
• becomes increasingly anxious about school
• starts avoiding activities they previously enjoyed
• seems withdrawn or unusually quiet
• has frequent emotional outbursts that are becoming harder to manage
• struggles with friendships to the point that it’s affecting their wellbeing
• talks about feeling hopeless or worthless

If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, don’t wait until the ADHD assessment. Speak to your GP, school or another healthcare professional so they can advise on the most appropriate support.

Remember That Progress Takes Time

There isn’t a single conversation, strategy or parenting technique that will suddenly make everything easier.

Building your child’s confidence happens through hundreds of small moments.

It’s praising their effort after a difficult day.

Listening when they tell you something feels unfair.

Helping them recognise what they’re good at.

Showing them that mistakes are opportunities to learn, not reasons to feel ashamed.

These everyday interactions shape how your child sees themselves far more than any assessment ever will.

A Thought I’d Love to Leave You With

One of the most important things I’ve learnt through our own family’s journey is that our children don’t need us to have all the answers.

They need to know that we’re on their side.

There have been days when I’ve questioned whether I was doing enough or making the right decisions. But I’ve realised that what our children remember most isn’t whether we handled every situation perfectly. It’s whether they felt loved, accepted and believed.

An assessment may eventually provide a diagnosis. It may answer questions you’ve been asking for years. But long before that appointment arrives, you have the opportunity to give your child something just as important—the confidence that they never have to face those challenges alone.

Keep a Record of What You Notice While You’re Waiting

When you’re waiting months—or sometimes even years—for an ADHD assessment, it’s surprisingly easy to forget the little things.

You might clearly remember the major incidents, but the everyday challenges that happen so often can become blurred together. Then, when the assessment finally arrives, you’re suddenly asked to describe examples of your child’s behaviour, and your mind goes completely blank.

One of the most helpful things you can do while you’re waiting is to keep a simple record of what you’re noticing.

This isn’t about trying to “prove” your child has ADHD or looking for problems that aren’t there. It’s simply about building an accurate picture of your child’s day-to-day experiences so you can give the assessment team meaningful examples when the time comes.

What Should You Record?

There’s no right or wrong way to do this.

Some parents prefer to keep a notebook, while others use the notes app on their phone or create a digital document they can update whenever something significant happens.

You don’t need to write pages and pages. A few short notes every now and then are often enough.

You might want to record:

• examples of difficulties concentrating or following instructions
• comments or observations from teachers
• emails or reports from school that highlight concerns
• homework challenges or tasks that seem particularly difficult
• situations where impulsive behaviour caused problems
• emotional outbursts or meltdowns, including what happened beforehand
• sleep difficulties, such as struggling to fall asleep or waking frequently
• friendship or social challenges
• anything that seems to make things easier or more difficult for your child

Over time, you may begin to notice patterns that weren’t obvious before.

Don’t Forget the Positives

It’s just as important to record what’s going well.

Perhaps your child concentrated brilliantly during a practical activity, responded well to a visual timetable, or found that regular movement breaks helped them stay focused.

These successes are valuable because they show what support works best for your child. They can also provide useful information for teachers, clinicians and anyone else involved in supporting them.

Save Information From School

Schools often notice things that parents don’t see at home, just as parents see things that don’t happen in the classroom.

If your child’s teacher sends an email describing concerns about attention, organisation, behaviour or emotional wellbeing, consider keeping it in a dedicated folder.

Likewise, hold on to school reports, behaviour records, meeting notes and any support plans that have been put in place.

These documents can help build a fuller picture of how your child manages in different environments and may be useful during the assessment process.

Look for Patterns, Not Perfection

One difficult day doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong.

Every child has moments when they’re distracted, forgetful or emotional.

Instead of focusing on isolated incidents, look for recurring patterns over time.

You might notice that your child finds mornings particularly difficult, becomes overwhelmed after busy school days, struggles more when routines change or copes much better when tasks are broken into smaller steps.

These observations don’t provide a diagnosis, but they can help you better understand your child’s needs and allow clinicians to see how those needs affect everyday life.

A Small Habit That Can Make a Big Difference

When our family first started this journey, I never imagined how valuable these notes would become. By the time appointments came around, months had often passed since we’d first raised concerns, and many of the smaller examples had faded from memory.

Having a record meant we didn’t have to rely on trying to remember everything under the pressure of an assessment. Instead, we could give real examples of the challenges our children experienced, the support that had already been tried and the strategies that genuinely made a difference.

You don’t need to document every single day. Even a few notes each month can help tell the story of your child’s journey and ensure their assessment reflects everyday life, not just what happens to come to mind on the day of the appointment.

Should You Consider a Private ADHD Assessment?

One question many parents ask while facing long NHS waiting lists is whether they should pay for a private ADHD assessment.

There isn’t a right or wrong answer.

For some families, a private assessment provides answers much sooner and allows support to begin earlier. For others, the cost simply isn’t affordable, or they’re happy to wait for an NHS appointment.

The best decision is the one that works for your child, your family and your circumstances.

Reasons Some Families Choose a Private Assessment

Families often decide to go private because their child is finding everyday life increasingly difficult.

Perhaps they’re becoming anxious about school, their confidence is falling, or they’re struggling to cope with friendships and learning. For some parents, the thought of waiting another year—or longer—for answers feels overwhelming.

A private assessment can often be arranged much sooner than an NHS assessment, although waiting times vary between providers.

Receiving an earlier diagnosis may help your family better understand your child’s needs and allow discussions about appropriate support to begin sooner.

Things to Think About Before Going Private

Before booking a private assessment, it’s worth doing some research.

Ask questions such as:

• Is the clinician appropriately qualified and experienced in assessing children with ADHD?
• Does the assessment follow recognised UK clinical guidelines?
• Will the report be accepted by your child’s school?
• If medication is recommended, how will ongoing prescribing be managed?
• What follow-up support is included?

A thorough ADHD assessment should never feel rushed. It should include detailed information from both parents and school and take time to build a full picture of your child’s development and current needs.

Will the NHS Accept a Private Diagnosis?

This is one of the most common questions parents ask, and the answer isn’t always straightforward.

Many NHS services and schools do recognise assessments carried out by suitably qualified clinicians, but local policies can vary. In some areas, your GP may be able to enter into a shared care agreement, allowing NHS prescriptions to continue after medication has been stabilised by a specialist. In other areas, shared care may not be available or may depend on local commissioning arrangements.

Before arranging a private assessment, it’s sensible to speak to your GP and ask how private diagnoses and ongoing treatment are managed in your local area.

Don’t Feel Pressured Either Way

If you’re unable to pay for a private assessment, please don’t feel you’ve somehow failed your child.

Thousands of families across the UK are waiting for NHS assessments, and many children continue to receive valuable support at home and at school during that time.

Equally, if you decide that paying for a private assessment is the right choice for your family, that doesn’t mean you’re trying to “jump the queue”. You’re making the decision you believe is in your child’s best interests.

Every family’s circumstances are different, and there should never be judgement about the path you choose.

The Most Important Thing to Remember

Whether your child’s assessment takes place next month or next year, a diagnosis doesn’t change who they are.

Your child is still the same funny, kind, creative, determined and unique person they were before the referral was made.

An assessment can provide answers, open doors to additional support and help everyone understand your child’s needs more clearly. But it doesn’t define their potential, and it doesn’t determine what they can achieve.

As we’ve discovered through our own family’s journey, the waiting period can feel incredibly long. There are days when you question yourself, days when school feels like a constant battle, and days when you simply wish someone could tell you what to do next.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this guide, it’s this:

You don’t have to wait for an assessment to start helping your child.

Every conversation where you choose understanding over frustration…

Every routine you gently adapt…

Every success you celebrate…

Every time you remind your child that they’re loved exactly as they are…

…you’re making a difference.

You are already one of the most important sources of support your child has.

And although the waiting can be incredibly difficult, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

What Is the NHS Right to Choose Pathway?

If you’ve been told your child could be waiting many months—or even years—for an NHS ADHD assessment, you may have come across the term Right to Choose while researching online or speaking to other parents.

For many families in England, it can be an option worth exploring.

What Is Right to Choose?

The NHS Right to Choose pathway gives eligible patients in England the legal right to choose the healthcare provider that delivers certain NHS services, including ADHD assessments.

In some cases, this means your GP may be able to refer your child to an alternative NHS-funded provider rather than your local ADHD service.

Depending on the provider and local demand, this can sometimes result in a significantly shorter waiting time, although there are no guarantees and waiting lists can still change over time.

Who Can Use Right to Choose?

Right to Choose is generally available to patients who:

• live in England
• are registered with an English GP
• are being referred for an NHS service that offers a Right to Choose pathway

Unfortunately, the scheme does not currently apply in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland, where different NHS systems operate.

Your GP can advise whether your child is eligible and whether Right to Choose is appropriate in your circumstances.

Is It the Same as Going Private?

No.

This is something that often causes confusion.

Although many Right to Choose providers are independent organisations, the assessment is funded by the NHS if your referral is accepted through the Right to Choose pathway.

That means you aren’t paying privately for the assessment yourself.

Should You Ask Your GP About It?

If you’re facing a particularly long waiting list, it’s certainly worth having a conversation with your GP.

They’ll be able to explain whether Right to Choose is available in your area, whether your child meets the eligibility criteria and what your referral options are.

It’s important to remember that waiting times vary between providers and can change throughout the year. A provider with a shorter waiting list today may have a much longer one in six months’ time, so always check the most up-to-date information before making a decision.

The Right Choice Is the One That Works for Your Family

Every family’s circumstances are different.

Some parents are happy to remain on their local NHS waiting list. Others decide to explore Right to Choose, while some choose to pay for a private assessment.

There isn’t a universally “best” option—only the option that best meets your child’s needs and your family’s situation.

Whatever route you take, remember that your child deserves understanding and support while you’re waiting. The strategies we’ve covered throughout this guide can make a meaningful difference regardless of how or where your child’s assessment eventually takes place.

Please note: Information about the Right to Choose pathway can change, and not all ADHD assessment providers accept new referrals at all times. Always speak to your GP and check the latest NHS guidance before making decisions about your child’s referral.

Frequently Asked Questions