What If Your Spouse Wants a Motorcycle?
If your spouse wants a motorcycle, you may experience a range of emotions, including fear and anxiety. You have a good reason to feel those emotions.
First, motorcycles are dangerous. If you’re in an accident while you’re on a motorcycle, you’re much more likely to experience severe or even deadly injuries. Wearing a helmet and being a careful driver can reduce this risk. Still, there remains an inherent sense of danger because motorcycles are hard to see, and they lack the protection of a traditional vehicle.
Aside from safety issues, motorcycles are also expensive to buy and maintain. There’s a lot of money that goes not only into the bike itself but also gear and accessories.
It can become an all-encompassing hobby, meaning that your spouse spends less time with you.
So what should you do if your spouse approaches you about getting a motorcycle?
How Do You Really Feel?
While you might be initially nervous about your spouse wanting a motorcycle, go deeper into your feelings before offering a response. How do you truly feel about it?
What are your biggest fears? What are your primary reasons against it? Are there any upsides to your spouse getting a motorcycle?
You don’t want to respond to the conversation without delving into what your true thoughts are and getting them organised.
If safety is your biggest problem, this one can be tough to overcome, but if your biggest problem is maybe that your spouse won’t have as much time to spend with you, you could come up with boundaries and parameters that you’re okay with.
It would help if you explored why you initially feel against the idea to understand better when you have a larger conversation about the motorcycle.
When you understand how you feel, you’re going to be better equipped to voice your concerns in a rational way without reacting to too much emotion.
Don’t yell or blame because this is going to make your spouse less interested in how you feel.
Understand What Your Spouse is Thinking
When you understand your own thoughts and reservations, try to figure out what your spouse is thinking and their reasons for wanting a motorcycle.
For example, maybe they’ve always romanticised the idea of having one, or perhaps they like the idea of freedom. Maybe your spouse is bored and wants a hobby.
It could also be that your spouse is going through a difficult time, and they think a motorcycle would be a distraction.
In some cases, there may be other ways to work through what your spouse is going through aside from buying a motorcycle. In other instances, it’s genuinely just something a person has dreamed of having, in which case you may have to put your own feelings aside somewhat.
If you’ve gone over your spouse’s motivation for wanting a bike, you might start learning more about riding and weighing some of the pros and cons. Once you learn more, learn how to make it a safer experience, and you also weigh the upsides and downsides on your own, you may feel comfortable with the situation.
Some of your spouse’s pros of getting a motorcycle to include the fact that it could make him happy and reduce his stress. You may find that when he has an outlet, your relationship improves.
Your spouse’s mental health could be positively impacted by motorcycle ownership, and the importance of this can’t be discounted.
There are then the cons to think about, which we touched on above—they’re dangerous and expensive and time-consuming.
Which set of considerations outweighs the others for you?
What If Your Answer is No?
If your answer is absolutely no, are there are compromises you could reach? For example, maybe your spouse thinks about getting something like a boat or a four-wheeler that could still be a hobby.
Have a two-way conversation about some alternatives that would allow you to meet in the middle.
What If Your Answer is Yes?
After hearing your spouse out and going over the pros and cons, maybe you decide you’re okay with him getting a motorcycle, but you could still have some reservations or anxiety.
Further, your conversation by first talking about financials. How will your spouse afford the motorcycle? Will the decision to buy one potentially change your financial situation or give you less money to spend on other things? Is he prepared for the cost of gear, and maintenance, and upkeep?
Do you have a place to store the motorcycle?
Once you start to talk about these logistics, even if your initial answer was yes, you might both realise it’s not the best idea financially.
You should also talk about how your spouse plans to stay safe when they’re riding.
For example, will they take a motorcycle course? This can be a good way to get more comfortable with a bike and make you feel better about the situation. Maybe you can go to the class as well, and learn how to be a safe passenger.
If you can’t agree in either direction about a motorcycle, it might represent a deeper issue in your relationship. If neither of you can see the other’s points, you might want to see a counsellor who can help you work through things and communicate about what you want and what’s concerning you.
Overall, don’t immediately jump to anger if your spouse approaches you about a motorcycle. There are risks, but riding a motorcycle is also a hobby for millions of people. Instead, work to see not only your perspective but that of your spouse, and talk through the situation logically to see what you can come up with that maybe you’re both happy with.
Don’t let emotion alone guide your conversation.