Raising confident daughters is one of the most important and rewarding parts of parenting. As a mum to my 16-year-old daughter, Lillie, I’ve seen firsthand how confidence can shape a young girl’s journey. Watching her grow into a strong, independent young woman has been an incredible experience (whilst also challenging at times), but I know it doesn’t happen overnight. Building confidence takes time, patience, and a lot of encouragement.
On this International Women’s Day, I want to share some practical tips that have helped me raise a confident daughter and explore ways to boost self-esteem in young girls. Every child is different, but these parenting insights can make a real difference.
Why Confidence Matters in Young Girls
Confidence isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about helping our daughters navigate life’s challenges without fear. A confident daughter is more likely to take risks, overcome obstacles, and believe in herself, even when things don’t go as planned. When we raise confident girls, we give them the tools to handle setbacks with resilience and self-respect.
Practical Tips for Raising a Confident Daughter
1. Encourage a Growth Mindset
I’ve always tried to teach Lillie that effort matters more than immediate success. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” I focus on her hard work: “I love how much effort you put into that project.” This small change helps young girls see challenges as part of the learning process rather than something to fear. It is much more essential to persevere than give in at the first hurdle; they will feel much more proud when they achieve their goals. A growth mindset is key to building self-confidence and resilience.
2. Be Specific with Praise
I’ve learned that general praise like “Good job” doesn’t always sink in. Instead, I try to acknowledge specific actions: “I noticed how kind you were to your friend today”, or “Your creativity shines in your artwork.” This reinforces positive behaviour and helps her recognise her strengths.
3. Model Healthy Self-Esteem
As mums, our daughters watch and learn from us more than we realise. If we constantly criticise ourselves or compare ourselves to others, they will too. I consciously try to speak kindly about myself and see how it influences Lillie’s self-confidence.
I have lost count of the times I have heard Lillie repeat something I have said; they are like a mini-mirror. It really made me stop and assess what I would say and do. I remember when Lillie used to stay at my Mum’s house for the weekend and Mum would tell me how Lillie would often say, “Mum says this”; it reminded me that she was always listening.
4. Challenge Gender Stereotypes
It’s important to let our daughters explore whatever interests them—whether that’s science, sports, or art. I encourage Lillie to follow her passions, regardless of traditional gender roles. We also talk about female role models who have paved the way in different fields, reminding her that she can achieve anything.
One of our favourite films to watch was Hidden Figures, an incredible and inspiring true story about three women at NASA who were instrumental in one of history’s greatest operations—the launch of astronaut John Glenn into orbit.
I have told Lillie (and our boys) that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up; they just have to work hard at school to get there, and we will be right behind them every step.
5. Teach Resilience Through Failure
Failure isn’t the end—it’s part of growing. When raising girls, it’s important to teach them that setbacks are stepping stones to success. I remind Lillie that even the most accomplished women have faced challenges. When she struggles, I ask, “What can you learn from this?” rather than letting her dwell on the mistake. This shift in perspective helps her build resilience, self-confidence, and a positive mindset for future challenges.
6. Promote Body Positivity
As a teenage girl, body image is a huge part of self-esteem. I focus on what our bodies can do rather than how they look. Whether it’s celebrating strength, endurance, or health, I make sure Lillie knows that beauty isn’t just about appearance—it’s about confidence from within.
When Lillie turned 16, she joined the gym with me. She only goes once a week because she has commitments the rest of the week, but in the first couple of weeks, I took the time to show her what all the machines at the gym can do and introduced her to the personal trainers who gave her tips on how to make herself stronger and fitter. She loves this experience, and it’s something we enjoy doing together. We push each other not to give in when the going gets tough.
7. Foster Independence
It’s tempting to jump in and solve problems for our children, but allowing them to make decisions builds confidence. I encourage Lillie to take on responsibilities, make choices, and solve challenges in her way. Watching her grow into an independent young woman has been one of my proudest moments as a mum.
There will always be times when she might question a decision, and that is when I ask her, “What do you think?” She will tell me her thoughts, and we will discuss the possible outcomes, but ultimately, she always makes the final decision, feeling better to have talked it through.
8. Stay Connected
Teenage years can be tricky, and staying connected is more important than ever. I make an effort to ask questions and truly listen to Lillie’s thoughts and feelings. Having open conversations without judgment reassures her that she always has a safe space to express herself.
We don’t always see eye to eye, and we are both still learning as we grow and evolve. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong, but we say sorry and move on.
Confidence at Different Stages
For Young Girls:
- Encourage creative play and problem-solving.
- Compliment effort over results.
- Expose them to different activities like sports or music.
For Tweens and Teens:
- Discuss how media shapes beauty standards and confidence.
- Help them set and achieve small goals.
- Encourage positive friendships that build self-esteem.
Overcoming Challenges Together
Raising confident girls isn’t always easy. Peer pressure, social media, and self-doubt can shake even the strongest young woman’s confidence. As a mum, I remind myself that my role isn’t to shield Lillie from these challenges but to guide her through them with encouragement and support.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mum, it’s that confidence isn’t something we give our daughters—it’s something we help them build within themselves. By fostering resilience, self-esteem, and independence, we empower our daughters to step into the world as strong, confident young women.
On this International Women’s Day, let’s commit to raising confident daughters who believe in themselves and their potential. After all, when we raise confident girls today, we’re shaping the empowered women of tomorrow.