You feel a little crazed by the idea that you are watching a kid develop into a teenager. One moment, they’re calling on you for help tying their shoes, the next, they’re rolling their eyes so theatrically that you swear they see their own brains. It’s a weird, very moving, very sometimes funny sort of season of life. It can be as if you’re both tripping over it together; this is the point of everything, though.
Step One: Listening Even When It’s Messy
One of the most useful things to learn, however, is that teens don’t always want a solution — and you found this through trial and error. They sometimes want to talk in circles or vent about something trivial from the outside. Or they’ll say, “I don’t want to talk at all,” and then start talking five minutes later when you’re halfway out of the room.
The rhythm is off, however, and you sort of just roll with it. Listening without jumping in too quickly is tougher than it sounds. You catch yourself wanting to rectify things quickly, and then you have to pull back, like, wait, okay, let them complete their thinking for me like so. Even the half thoughts. The rambly ones. It all matters.
Step Two: Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Like A Warden
Adolescents need boundaries — but not the rigid-ness kind that makes everybody tense. More like flexible tracks that lead them without fencing them in. Yes, sometimes they’ll argue back. And they’ll touch whatever ends up near the surface as if they were gauging the extent of the fence.
That’s the same old thing for you. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it incorrectly. Even when a rule looks repetitive, you find it helps more than you expect to explain, and even the why works. The limits on curfew, you name it, phone, whatever else. It can be natural for them to respect something when it doesn’t even seem arbitrary or like a power move.
Step Three: Preparing Them For Real World Stuff
Teenagers are almost grown-ups-in-training, which is a strange idea. You do start teaching them what matters outside the house. So, how to be safe when driving, for instance, or how to be at it when something bad happens on the road. You bet no one wants to think about accidents at all, but it’s better to think about them rather than pretend nothing ever happens.
Once you note that even a motor vehicle accident lawyer can be a part of the picture in serious situations, not to frighten them, just to ensure they know the world has guides and pros with whom to lean for the hard moments. And bits of advice like that, small as they are, add up; they keep a lot of extra information going on in their heads, even if they pretend that they’re trying not to hear them.
Step Four: Celebrate The Good Stuff, Even The Small Things
While teenagers may pretend to be indifferent to your approval, it’s a lie; they do not. They just cover it as hoodies and sarcasm. So when they’re doing something right or brave or unexpectedly kind, pay attention. Celebrate it. Even if they roll their eyes first, give them a high five. And they’ll smile most of the time. And honestly, those little high fives, those little moments of connection, actually make the whole messy teen stage come alive. You won’t get everything perfect. They won’t either. But growing together, even awkwardly, eventually becomes something wonderful.