Mum guilt. It’s a term many of us know all too well, and as a mum working from home on my own business, I’ve certainly felt the sting of it. Whether it’s because I feel guilty about missing a school event or because I’m not the “perfect parent” society seems to expect, these feelings of guilt can be overwhelming. But overcoming mum guilt is possible, and it starts with understanding where it comes from and taking steps to manage it.
Causes of Mum Guilt
Mum guilt, or as some call it “mom guilt,” often stems from trying to juggle work and family life. For many mothers, including myself, it’s the constant feeling that we’re not doing enough as a parent. The name given to these feelings often includes:
- Going back to work after maternity leave.
- Not spending enough time with our children.
- Allowing too much screen time.
- Struggling to cope with the to-do list that seems never-ending.
For working mums, these guilt feelings may be exacerbated by societal expectations. The pressure to meet their children’s needs while excelling in a career can lead to feelings of inadequacy. And let’s not forget dad guilt and parental guilt, which dads and other caregivers may also feel when trying to juggle tasks with parenting responsibilities.
Why Guilt Happens
Guilt is the feeling that we’ve done something wrong. But when it comes to parenting, guilt often isn’t logical. Many mothers feel guilt because they care deeply about their children and want to do their best. Guilt happens when we perceive we’re falling short, even if that’s not true. These guilty feelings are completely normal, and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging them.
Ways to Overcome Mum Guilt
So, how can we overcome mum guilt and find a healthier balance in our lives? Here are my top tips for dealing with those guilty feelings:
1. Recognise That Guilt Is Normal
First, it’s important to accept that guilt is normal. Many mothers experience it, and it’s a sign that you care deeply about your role as a parent. Guilt isn’t an indication that you’re not a good enough parent; it’s a reminder to step back and focus on what truly matters.
2. Focus on Quality Time
It’s easy to feel guilty about spending time away from our children, but it’s the quality of the time you spend with them that matters. Whether it’s reading a bedtime story, having a meaningful conversation, or going on a fun outing, these moments leave a lasting impact.
3. Prioritise Self-Care
As a working mum, I’ve learned that self-care isn’t selfish. Taking time for yourself helps you recharge and be the best parent you can be. This might include going on a date with your partner, taking time for a hobby, or simply having a quiet moment to relax. Self-care is essential for managing mum guilt.
4. Seek Support
Sometimes, guilt may leave you feeling overwhelmed. In such cases, it’s important to seek support. Whether it’s talking to a friend, a psychotherapist, or a mental health professional, reaching out can help you process your feelings and develop strategies to help you manage them.
5. Let Go of Perfection
No one is a perfect parent. Trying to be one only leads to burnout and feelings of inadequacy. Instead, aim to be a good enough parent. Remember, your children need a happy and present parent, not a perfect one.
Managing Mum Guilt While Working From Home
Working mums face unique challenges, especially those of us who work from home. It can feel like we’re never truly “off the clock,” and the guilt you feel for not being able to spend enough time with your children can be hard to shake. Here’s what’s helped me:
- Set boundaries: Having clear work hours helps me balance work and family.
- Be present: When I’m with my children, I try to focus on them fully. It’s about quality over quantity.
- Accept help: Whether it’s from a partner, family, or childcare, accepting help is crucial.
Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Feel Guilty
If you’re struggling with mum guilt, remember that you’re not alone. Parenthood is a journey filled with highs and lows, and guilt is a real thing that many of us face. But there’s something empowering about recognising guilt for what it is—a sign of how much we care. There’s no shame in feeling guilty, but it’s equally important to stop and take steps to overcome it.
By finding ways to manage mom guilt, whether it’s through self-care, setting boundaries, or seeking support, we can move towards a healthier, happier balance. After all, there’s no one way to parent—only the way that works best for you and your little one.