There’s a particular kind of tired that comes from being pulled in two directions at once. You’re sitting at your desk trying to focus on a deadline, but part of your brain is still on your mum’s GP appointment from yesterday, or whether your dad remembered to take his tablets, or that phone call you need to make to the pharmacy before it closes. Sound familiar?
You’re not alone; you’re one of the many people working and caring for an elderly parent, and that’s becoming more and more prevalent. But it’s a situation no one is fully talking about or discussing openly, and everyone’s working it out on their own. No one is ready for it. Suddenly, one day you’re just an adult child and then all at once — or sometimes slowly — you’re also the caregiver, plus all the other things you’re doing.
Fortunately, there are strategies that can help you make this balance act a little easier. It will not be without its challenges, but a few practical changes can make a huge difference. Here is what real people have found effective in this scenario.
1. Get Honest with Yourself About What’s Actually Sustainable
That’s the part we’re all missing, isn’t it? It’s easier to keep going. But the thing is, when you are always tired, answering calls during meetings, leaving work early several times a week, or getting ready to fall asleep every night thinking about how you’re going to make it to work tomorrow, you know there’s a problem. Not forever, anyway.
Step away and look at what parenting really involves in your parents’ current situation. Is it a few e-mails a week? Daily visits? Assistance with personal hygiene, feeding or transportation to appointments? Many people will find it helpful to write it down, even if it’s a bit rough, as it makes them realise how much they are doing, which is the beginning to find out if there is any kind of support that might really help.
For some families, that support comes from other relatives sharing the load. For others, it means looking outside to help with certain tasks. If you’ve got family in the US, particularly somewhere like Nebraska, it’s worth knowing that home care services in Nebraska exist specifically to help with this — covering things like personal care, companionship, and daily living support, so that family members aren’t trying to do absolutely everything themselves. Even just having someone else handle a portion of the care can free up enough headspace to actually function properly at work.
2. Talk to Your Employer Before You’re Forced To
This one feels uncomfortable, but it’s genuinely one of the most useful things you can do. So many people wait until they’re already drowning, calling in sick repeatedly, missing deadlines, or quietly burning out, before they say anything to their manager. By that point, you’re having the conversation from a place of crisis rather than “let’s figure this out together.”
In the UK, it is a right for employees to request flexible working, and many employers are highly accommodating of childcare needs, particularly in an era when so many people must manage them. Simple and honest communication can open up doors you didn’t even realise you had – would you like to work from home one day a week? Adjusted hours? More flexibility with annual leave leading up to and after appointments?
If your parent is in the United States, for instance, if you have family in the vicinity of Omaha, it’s even more crucial. Researching in home care Omaha services may involve finding someone within your reach for an appointment, checking in daily, or simply assistance, and not having to take time away each time an issue arises. It’s not a matter of substituting your involvement; it’s a matter of having boots on the ground when your body is not.
3. Build a “Support Map” Instead of Trying to Be the Whole System
One of the biggest mental shifts that helps is moving away from the idea that you have to do everything, all the time. Instead, think of it like building a map — who’s involved, what they’re each responsible for, and where the gaps are.
This might include:
- Siblings or other family members who can take on specific tasks (even small ones, like handling prescription pickups or doing a weekly shop)
- Neighbours or friends who’ve offered to help and actually mean it
- Local services — community transport, meal delivery, and befriending services
- Professional support for the tasks that need more consistency or specialised care
Once you can see the whole map, it’s much easier to spot where you’re spreading yourself too thin and where someone else (or another service) could realistically take something off your plate. You don’t have to fill every gap yourself.
4. Protect Small Pockets of Time for Yourself — Even If They Feel Tiny
This may seem like an obvious one, but it’s often forgotten. Your time is the first to go when you’re busy working and caring for others. Time for lunch is not taken, evenings are spent on phone calls and administration, and weekends are spent as a catch-up session for all of the work you missed during the week.
It’s okay if it’s just a brief protected time at your desk; it’s okay if it’s a bit of time away from your desk before you start your evening; it’s okay if it’s just one evening a week you have to yourself. It is not so much about finding large blocks of me time (which is often hard to find anyway!) But it is about not letting every minute be consumed by being busy at work or taking care of someone.
5. Keep the Lines of Communication Open — With Everyone
It’s your employer, your siblings, your parents’ GP or your parent. The success of last month’s marketing campaign doesn’t guarantee success this month. Maintaining communication means you can adapt and change when necessary, rather than finding yourself feeling more stressed because you are unwilling to change your approach just because it hasn’t worked.
Final Thoughts
The challenge of caring for the elderly while working is not a one-and-done situation and needs to be adjusted as the seasons change. Be honest about what works and what doesn’t, talk about the things that are awkward but needed, and know that you are not “failing” to keep someone if you bring in additional support – family, local services or professionals. Sometimes it’s the same reason you can continue to show up for work and your parents, and not be completely depleted in the process.