Midwife Misery

Today I had my 36 week check up with my midwife and whilst I really like her and we get on well.  I actually feel like my appointments with her are a waste of time.  She is the same midwife that I had during my first pregnancy with Little Bean and I felt the same then.  In fact I would go so far as to say I felt disappointed with her during my first pregnancy.  I totally understand that to them it is just a job and they see pregnant women every day of their working life but for me at the time, I was obviously very excited and it was all new.  No matter what I said to her – whether it was something exciting like feeling the first kick or something that was worrying me – I was met with the same reaction “that’s pregnancy for you”.  It was clearly just a stock answer that she gave to everyone, since speaking to my mummy friends who were all under her control too, they all had the same feeling – they were just another pregnant woman.

I don’t know why I thought things would be different this time, but I did?  Maybe because I thought I’d been through it all before I was just expecting my pregnancy to run as smoothly as it did with Little Bean.  It hasn’t, on the whole it has been a far easier pregnancy and has flown by but on the down side, I have had 3 bleeding scares and now I’m really starting to feel rough.  I’m suffering with migraines, constipation, lots of light-headedness and general weakness and now I’ve started with really really painful pelvic bones.  I actually feel like someone has pulled my bones apart very aggressively and I find it painful to do anything, sit, stand or walk!

Today I went to my appointment and upon entering the room, I had it all planned out about what I was going to say (with baby brain you have to plan ahead or you forget everything!!).  But when I got into the room and sat down, her phone started ringing and she took the call.  It was from a Doula asking if she could advertise through the Health Centre.  She put the phone down and proceeded to tell me how Doula’s were a load of rubbish brought over from America to provide emotional support for women in labour and that basically they think they are better than midwives.  I didn’t comment much because I don’t know anything at all about Doulas.  As she was telling me all of this she was checking my urine sample and blood pressure.  She didn’t say anything about my urine (she never does) and she didn’t say anything about my blood pressure (again she never does).  I sat waiting for her to ask me “how are you” but she didn’t!  So I took the bull by the horns and said that I was feeling really really rough.  I told her about all my “ailments” to which she answered, “yeah – all part of pregnancy”. 

She told me to lie on the bed so she could measure bump, she measured and said nothing.  She listened to the heart beat and said that it sounded like he was awake because it was so fast and that was basically my appointment done.  I asked her if baby was engaged as he feels very low and what was the likelihood of him being late like his sister was.  She just said, no he’s not engaged and might not be until labour and just because Little Bean was late, doesn’t mean that my boy will be late too.

When I got to the car I took out my notes to see what had been written – it said that baby was 4/5 felt?  Does that mean he’s starting to engage?  It said that my blood pressure was 100/60 as it has been EVERY SINGLE TIME she has taken it throughout my pregnancy – surely it would fluctuate a little?  Then in the main notes section, it said that I had reported “all is well” – so what happened to me stating that I was feeling light-headed, constipated, migraines and painful pelvic bones?

Is this a “normal” interaction with a midwife or do you have different experiences with yours?  Perhaps you ARE a midwife and think this is normal/not normal?  I’m nearly at the end of my pregnancy now so our journey together is nearly over but I just feel like I need to have a little whinge about her – job done!


  • Noble Savage

    August 27 at 7:35 am

    Well, as a doula myself, I think it’s a real shame that this midwife can’t see how much women need emotional support during pregnancy and labour. It’s obvious from her bedside manner and remarks about doulas being rubbish that she has become jaded and forgotten why she became a midwife in the first place. Unfortunately, too many midwives do become cynical and a bit impersonal in their care. That’s precisely why doulas have become more popular; women are fed up with being treated like a faceless number in the NHS conveyor belt of maternity care.
    I believe that you have my contact details, if you’d like to chat about some things you can try to relieve your ailments (and no, you shouldn’t just have to live with it because it’s ‘pregnancy for you’), I’m more than happy to help.

    1. mummymatters

      August 27 at 10:57 am

      Thank you, yes I have received your contact details. I will endeavour to contact you early next week – we completed on our house purchase today so its all systems go this weekend!

  • mummymatters

    August 28 at 8:30 am

    Well, my friend, you know how I feel about said midwife. If I ever got pregnant again, I wonder if I could make other arrangements because she is such bloomin’ rubbish I don’t think I’d want to suffer her again. I’m glad you’ve got Noble Savage’s details and hope you can get some support from her at least. You know how we Americans are! 😀
    Love and hugs to you of course!

    1. mummymatters

      August 28 at 8:30 pm

      Hey, how did you do that? You’ve left your comment as me?!? Thank you for your support and putting me in touch with Noble Savage, I’m going to speak to her next week xx

  • Whimsical Wife

    August 28 at 7:27 pm

    No it’s not standard midwifery – I know midwives are busy – but they have always answered any questions I’ve had properly and listened and written down what I’ve said in my notes. I’ve been offered support etc where needed and advice on alleviating the ailments that are “all part of pregnancy’. I feel sorry you’ve got one like this! 🙁

    1. mummymatters

      August 28 at 8:33 pm

      I feel bad for moaning about her, because she is a really nice woman but I just don’t feel that she is very supportive and she hasn’t provided me with the experience I thought I would have from my midwife. There are only two of them at my Medical Practice and sadly they are both exactly the same, in fact on the odd occasion I have seen the other woman I would say she was worse!
      I hope your pregnancy continues well, so pleased to hear you are having a little boy xx

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