Little Bean strikes again – literally!

Mummy Matters So yesterday when I picked Little Bean up from pre-school I was told that she had been less than kind to a couple of girls, pulling one girl’s hair, scratching another girls face and then attempted to punch another. After a chat last night and another this morning before school I hoped to received better news when I collected her tonight but when I arrived and spoke to her key-worker I was told that today was worse than yesterday. Because of yesterday’s outburst they had kept a close eye on her today and watched as she committed unprovoked attack after attack. Today she has been punching, kicking, pulling hair and scratching. On one occasion she was witnessed ramming a pushchair into a girls leg and then pinching her arm but there was no reason for it, the little girl didn’t have any toys, she hadn’t said anything, she hadn’t done anything, Little Bean just decided to have a go.

Little Bean’s key worker said that she had received numerous time-outs today and had been talked to about her behaviour but all she responds with is “. . .because I did” or “I don’t know” when asked why she has behaved in a less-than-kind manner to another child.

This has really upset me and my first response at school was to cry, I’m feeling more than a little emotional at the news that my daughter is being unkind to others as I didn’t raise her this way and I feel like I don’t know who she is. We have had a talk again since we arrived home and I reiterated that she will not be permitted to watch TV any day after school this week and that I am very unhappy with her behaviour. So just imagine how I felt when less than 5 minutes later I watched her walk up to Beanie Boy, push him over and then knee him in the face!!!

Her behaviour would suggest to me that she is seeking attention but I just don’t understand why, both Little Bean and Beanie Boy have my full attention when we are at home, we don’t watch lots of TV, we play games, we do baking, playdoh and crafts so why is she being like this?

She is currently having another time-out on the bottom of the stairs but I fear this will have no effect again – I am lost and I don’t know what to do. If someone finds my once kind and loving little girl, please return her home.


  • Musings from a Mum

    November 16, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    So hard but have you considered that she might just be bored and trying out something new? I know that sounds facetious but small children love to make an impact and every time she does this she gets lots of attention and fuss.

    Obviously you can’t ignore it but try not to show her the impact she has just be very calm and ‘boring’ in your response and hopefully she’ll realise she’s not getting anything out of it, whereas at the moment she’s the star of the show.

    Good luck!

    1. mummymatters

      November 16, 2011 at 11:28 pm

      Thank you for your comment and support – I feel totally lost with her behaviour at the moment and it has really upset me this evening. I do think that she is testing her boundaries and looking for attention but I think perhaps you are right, perhaps a ‘bored’ response might work just as well. Hopefully this is the last time I will have to write a post like this but I doubt it!

  • Alexander Residence

    November 18, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    It’s soul destroying isn’t it? My boy is coming up to 3 and we had a lot of this. He’s growing out of it now but I found a few things helpful. I found positive discipline much more effective than endless timeouts – trying to intervene, distract him and reward him loads for good behaviour. I sat down with nursery and agreed strategies – some keyworkers are better than others at accepting kids of this age don’t always learn from time outs and that distraction and prevention of boredom/conflicts are more important. Also that it’s totally normal behaviour for children this age to experiment with.
    Also when I watched him at play I noticed he was the loudest and biggest in his actions but there were clearly quieter kids sneakily winding him up. It was his actions that got noticed. It was a vicious cycle, he got a label for being naughty and his behaviour got even worse because other kids delighted in winding him up!
    When his language improved so did his behaviour. I def agree with not giving it too much attention, battling over time outs, apologies etc. esp in public drove me insane. Sharp no, let’s say sorry,and move on or away was much more effective for smaller incidents.

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  • MumtoC

    November 25, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    Well – how weird. I’ve just caught up with your posts and this one rang a familiar bell – so familiar because we’ve had a similar experience with C in his last 2 days at nursery.

    Apparently he was being unkind to the children at nursery by try to take toys off other children and then being a little sneaky too.

    Today, he got worse when he wanted a particular toy which another boy was playing with, he decided that he would scratch the little boy because he couldn’t get his own way. He also decided to call his best friend “willy” at the dining table – which resulted in him being moved away from the table!

    I told him I was disappointed and sad that he couldn’t be a good friend to the other children.

    When we got home, after his tea, he said he wanted to say sorry. He did and I asked him if he wanted to draw a picture for the two boys, so that he could show them he was sorry.

    Apart from that – I’m as lost as you and just hoping and praying its a mini phase. So mini that it won’t last much longer!

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