So far I am pretty much disliking 2016, a lot!! It has not been kind in the slightest and I can tell that I am stressed out because I am getting more headaches, more neck and shoulder pains, my trapped nerve in my shoulder will not go away and I feel soooooo tired. As 2015 was drawing to a close I was feeling pretty good about life, everyone seemed to be in a good place, everyone seemed happy and relaxed. Christmas was good, as were our New Year celebrations but it feels like someone flicked a switch on the 1st January 2016 and all that changed.
You may recall that I sought the help and advice of a Feng Shui Consultant in 2014 and on the whole, everything that was put into place from that date made a positive difference. We haven’t made any changes since the New Year so what has changed? I can only assume it’s a shift in the planets or something? I definitely need to look into it that’s for sure.
The trouble is, when I’m stressed like this, I find it hard to find my calm. I’m a pretty placid person the majority of the time and it will take a lot to wind me up but that the moment I feel like I am always just teetering on the edge of an explosion and I hate it. I hate it when I shout at my Beans and see the hurt in their eyes and I hate it even more when I shout at my kids and they give me that look of “oh here she goes again”. I don’t want to be that Mum, I don’t want them to grow up with those kind of memories so something needs to change.
Since New Year we have been dealing with the stresses of Jelly Bean’s #problemswithpoop, Little Bean’s continued lack of eating, ill health and car troubles. It’s all beginning to take it’s toll, I find I can’t sleep at night because I replay everything in my mind and I worry about the emotional effects on the Beans, I worry about Little Bean and Jelly Bean’s health. Last night I couldn’t sleep because Little Bean has a school trip coming up to visit somewhere very high up. Ordinarily this wouldn’t bother me, but on the last few family outings where we have been at height, Little Bean seems to have developed a fear of heights. I don’t just mean a little wobble either, I mean full on tears and tantrums. I don’t want to stop her going on the trip but at the same time, I will be a long way away from her if she does freak out again.
I’ve been thinking about giving meditation a go but since I’m not a person who switches off easily, I’m not sure how that will go. I guess I won’t know until I try it. I’ve considered going to see my Health Visitor or GP to see if they can suggest anything. I have a great support network of friends and family around me, Hubby is great with me and the Beans but I often find those ‘after-school’ hours when the Beans are tired and I am trying to get tea ready are the hardest. It’s when we all seem to clash and the shouting begins. Then there’s teatime which is a whole other blog post!!
I just wonder how other Mums do it, how do you stay calm?