I have been feeling very poorly for the last few days but that’s not what this post is about. I was hoping that my post today would be to share with you Beanie Boy’s first birthday party which we had yesterday but no. This morning I woke with a banging headache but the sun was shining and I was feeling positive about the day ahead. If you caught my post on Friday you will see that I’ve been having a bit of a ‘thing’ about how much TV our children watch and I’ve clamped down on it over the weekend and its been nice to see the difference in the children, they have finally been REALLY playing with their toys, they have been doing playdoh, drawing and having fun in the garden.
This morning as we were getting ready to go out, I asked the Curly and Little Bean to tidy up the playroom but as I looked in the door I saw they were both transfixed to the TV screen, their noses almost pressed to the screen so I turned the TV off and walked out. As I stood in the hallway I heard Little Bean talking to her big brother, “she’s not nice is she Bro, she’s horrible and we don’t like her do we Bro?” so I put my head around the door to see who she was talking about. Curly looked at me with a look of “oh sh*t” and then Little Bean turned to me and said “you’re a really horrible Mummy and we don’t like you”. OK she’s only 3 years old and I should have taken it with a pinch of salt but I couldn’t, as I stood looking back at her the tears began rolling down my cheeks, I felt crushed. My beautiful little girl who I have waited so long for and who I have adored since the moment she was placed in my arms was telling me that I was a horrible Mummy. I have always felt I was born to be a Mummy so to be told that I’m not a good one was heartbreaking.
I took myself upstairs to be out of the way to calm myself down and heard Hubby tell Little Bean that it wasn’t acceptable to speak to me like that and that she should apologise. She came upstairs and said to me “sorry” though not in an apologetic way but as she left the room she said “but you are a horrible Mummy because you keep telling us off” and off she went. I hoped that it would stop there but throughout the day she told me another two times that she didn’t like me and thought I was a horrible Mummy. I asked her if she understood what she was actually saying and she said “yes, you’re not a nice Mummy”. Then whilst we were sat in the car waiting for Daddy to pay at the fuel station she broke into song “we don’t like Mummy but we love Daddy lots”. I didn’t react even though every bone in my body was telling to get out of the car and walk off.
Later Hubby told me that Curly took him to one side and said “I’ve had words with her Dad, I’ve told her that you just don’t speak to your Mummy like that because she loves you lots and its not nice”. Bless him, even on our bad days Curly has never said anything mean to me and he always tells me that he thinks I’m a great stepmum. So where have I gone wrong with Little Bean?