What made Mummy cry?

I have been feeling very poorly for the last few days but that’s not what this post is about.  I was hoping that my post today would be to share with you Beanie Boy’s first birthday party which we had yesterday but no.  This morning I woke with a banging headache but the sun was shining and I was feeling positive about the day ahead.  If you caught my post on Friday you will see that I’ve been having a bit of a ‘thing’ about how much TV our children watch and I’ve clamped down on it over the weekend and its been nice to see the difference in the children, they have finally been REALLY playing with their toys, they have been doing playdoh, drawing and having fun in the garden.

image This morning as we were getting ready to go out, I asked the Curly and Little Bean to tidy up the playroom but as I looked in the door I saw they were both transfixed to the TV screen, their noses almost pressed to the screen so I turned the TV off and walked out.  As I stood in the hallway I heard Little Bean talking to her big brother, “she’s not nice is she Bro, she’s horrible and we don’t like her do we Bro?” so I put my head around the door to see who she was talking about.  Curly looked at me with a look of “oh sh*t” and then Little Bean turned to me and said “you’re a really horrible Mummy and we don’t like you”.  OK she’s only 3 years old and I should have taken it with a pinch of salt but I couldn’t, as I stood looking back at her the tears began rolling down my cheeks, I felt crushed.  My beautiful little girl who I have waited so long for and who I have adored since the moment she was placed in my arms was telling me that I was a horrible Mummy.  I have always felt I was born to be a Mummy so to be told that I’m not a good one was heartbreaking.

I took myself upstairs to be out of the way to calm myself down and heard Hubby tell Little Bean that it wasn’t acceptable to speak to me like that and that she should apologise.  She came upstairs and said to me “sorry” though not in an apologetic way but as she left the room she said “but you are a horrible Mummy because you keep telling us off” and off she went.  I hoped that it would stop there but throughout the day she told me another two times that she didn’t like me and thought I was a horrible Mummy.  I asked her if she understood what she was actually saying and she said “yes, you’re not a nice Mummy”.  Then whilst we were sat in the car waiting for Daddy to pay at the fuel station she broke into song “we don’t like Mummy but we love Daddy lots”.  I didn’t react even though every bone in my body was telling to get out of the car and walk off.

Later Hubby told me that Curly took him to one side and said “I’ve had words with her Dad, I’ve told her that you just don’t speak to your Mummy like that because she loves you lots and its not nice”.  Bless him, even on our bad days Curly has never said anything mean to me and he always tells me that he thinks I’m a great stepmum.  So where have I gone wrong with Little Bean?

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12 Comments

  1. Jo
    September 25, 2011 / 10:33 pm

    aww bless you, you are a fab mummy and LB loves you lots. J has told me in the past that he doesn’t like me and I’m bossy and so on, I liketo think it’s partly because he’s like me and doesn’t like to be told what to do and that it’s just his natural reaction, (does that make sense?). It used to break my heart each and every time, but now I take it with a pinch of salt because I know deep down he loves Mummy xxxx (hugs)

    • mummymatters
      October 3, 2011 / 9:51 pm

      Yes it does make perfect sense, I know I should have taken it with a pinch of salt but I think she caught me off-guard and that’s why it hurt so much. I shall be a tougher Mummy next time – because let’s face it, it might have been the first time but I bet it won’t be the last! xx

  2. September 26, 2011 / 1:41 am

    It’s very hard when our children speak to us in a way that we haven’t taught or encouraged them to do,but kids are expressing themselves. Ifyou were a bad parent, you wouldn’t care and it wouldn’t affect you as much asit has. We need to set boundaries for our children and this is what you have done… They will thank you for it when they are older because without boundaries, lack of confidence ext can arise. Keep doing what you are doing and remember, we are there to be a pater just now, and shape, guide and teach. x

    • mummymatters
      October 3, 2011 / 9:50 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment, in my heart I know that I’m not a bad or horrible Mummy, just a bit of a soft one really! 😉

  3. Stacie
    September 26, 2011 / 5:23 am

    I’m going to give advice here that is going to be very hard to follow, but it must be done. “Don’t take it personal”. I think it’s a 3 year old’s job to try us, and she really does love you, no matter what she says. You are NOT a bad Mummy, and in a way it actually shows how good of a mother you are, since she is comfortable enough to say that to you. <> This too shall pass, and don’t worry. She won’t remember that you limited her TV when she was little. She will remember how much time you spent with her, NOT watching TV.

    • mummymatters
      October 3, 2011 / 9:49 pm

      Thank you for your comment, I know that I shouldn’t take it personally but I’ve always been a bit of a soft-touch with my feelings. The more I speak to other parents of 3 year old I realise that I am not alone but at the time it was so hard to just ignore. Thankfully we haven’t had any repeats – yet!!

  4. September 26, 2011 / 1:08 pm

    Oh lovely, big hugs. If its any consolation I get that a lot, usually depending on whether I am doing what they want or not…

    • mummymatters
      October 3, 2011 / 9:47 pm

      Thanks, It was so horrible at the time but thankfully we haven’t had any repeat performances!! 🙂

  5. motherofintention
    September 26, 2011 / 9:07 pm

    It’s so hard not to react to this, especially if it’s the first time it’s happened – but the response I give Bam now is ‘oh really?’ in a completely neutral and disinterested tone. The thing with children is that once they realise something elicits a response they will keep doing it.
    This summer while on holiday Bam was most annoyed that I was buying myself something in a shop (and we had given him plenty of treats that day!) and as I was paying he announced loudly….’I don’t like you half the time mummy’….and i just smiled and said ‘only half the time? i’m doing better than i thought’….

    He did go through a phase of saying he loved daddy more than me, and as you know i’m separated from his dad, so that really did hurt my feelings. It DID make me cry – and once i learnt not to do this in front of him he stopped saying it.

    You haven’t gone wrong anywhere with Little Bean. I read your other post about cutting TV time – we’ve gone cold turkey on TV here. We actually don’t have telly, just DVD’s. It was hard at first and really took Bam a while to adjust, and yes he was a litte s*d to begin with but now doesn’t miss it at all. She’s adjusting to a new routine with school (and she’ll be tired, and don’t we all get cranky when we’re tired?)and losing telly time is a change too. You know you have to stick with it now you’ve started – but it will get better.

    • mummymatters
      October 3, 2011 / 9:46 pm

      I think she caught me by surprise which was the worst part of it and I’ve been feeling a bit up and down recently so I probably took it to heart more than I should have done. I’ve read all the books and watched all the programmes which say ‘don’t rise to it’, ‘just ignore it’ but I just couldn’t help it at the time. I must try harder.

      As for the TV, they still haven’t got it back and we have noticed a HUGE difference in Little Bean, Hubby can’t quite believe what she’s like. I fear it may become a permanent removal 🙂

  6. Claire
    December 1, 2011 / 6:54 pm

    I have to say i cried at reading this….I had to walk out of my own shop. Very emotional so now i can’t stop.
    Onto your post – You are only human after all, any good mummy would be upset, just like you. Both of mine have gone through this stage, as I’m sure you’ve heard a thousand times since this post. It would not have been you (the you I knew n love) if you hadn’t been affected. As you’ve been advised to ignore it i best, they are only words – and in all honesty she’s finding her own feet and seeing what boundaries she can push. Love the comment above “only half the time”. Your mum will tell you, that being a parent is the hardest unpaid job in the world, and she survived. Look at your bond – you will have that with your children honey.
    I would give anything to have my mum. Much love xxxxxx

    • mummymatters
      December 2, 2011 / 11:30 am

      Aw Claire, I honestly can’t begin to imagine how you have adjusted to life without your Mum I know how close you were. Thankfully LB has never said this again since but I know that she will do, probably more than once too. Next time I hope to be stronger but I’m such a sap I know I will cry again! Thanks xx

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