I’m feeling more and more disappointed in myself as a Mummy just recently because I seem to be shouting all the time at Little Bean, I don’t know if its the age that she is at or that I’m feeling the strain now that Beanie Boy is crawling and is therefore into everything but I really do feel so upset and frustrated. I am so lucky with my babies because 95% of the time they are brilliant and they get on so well. Little Bean has adjusted so well to being a big sister so I feel bad getting cross with myself when she starts to behave badly. Since Beanie Boy has started crawling she keeps getting him in a headlock on the floor, I think she is perhaps trying to give him a cuddle but then goes too far and doesn’t stop when he is screaming, she has pushed him over a few times when he has been standing up at furniture and she tries to climb all over me when I am giving him a bottle which is very strange as she never did this when I was breastfeeding him?
This morning we popped over to see Little Bean’s best friend Little Miss to say Happy Birthday and for the girls to play together for a little while and I think they actually managed to play with only one slight kerfuffle which is great for them. On the way home I suggested that we have a picnic in the garden since it was such a nice day and I said that we could get out some of the garden toys and have some fun in the sun. Little Bean was very excited at the thought of this and I felt proud of myself for thinking up something fun to do but within minutes of arriving home we were at loggerheads again because she wanted everything doing 10 minutes ago including her paddling pool, her tent, her ball pool and her dinner. At the same time, Beanie Boy was screaming to get out of his seat and he wanted his dinner so I soon regretted my garden picnic idea. Once the toys were out and we were finally all sat down on the picnic rug together to eat our lunch it started again, Beanie Boy crawled into her tent so she pushed him out, then he climbed into her ball pool and again she pushed him out. I shouted, she cried and then I put them both to bed. As I went upstairs to their bedrooms and closed the curtains I saw that the neighbours were sat out in their gardens and immediately felt so ashamed that I had been shouting at her in the garden. I hate to hear Mother’s shouting at their children, yet here I am doing exactly that!
Believe it or not I have attended a number of parenting courses and I have tried the many methods which I learnt, but I always resort back to shouting. I don’t think its Little Bean at all, I think its me! And the thing which makes me the most sad, other than when she cries and tells me “I want to be a good girl” or even worse “I want you to be nice to me” is the fact that my 8 month old Beanie Boy just doesn’t bat an eyelid when I shout so I’m clearly doing it too much.
How do you manage to NOT SHOUT!?!?!