Can people make you question yourself?

On the whole I think I’m a pretty good Mummy, I love my children ‘to infinity and beyond’ and I try to always do what is best for them, they are my priority and I would never do anything to harm them.

Today was my afternoon with Beanie Boy alone as Little Bean was at Nanny and Grandad’s house.  Normally we stay in and snuggle for the afternoon but today I decided to pop to the supermarket to pick up a few bits and pieces.  It was a cold afternoon but not particularly windy and no rain.  I considered where I would be going and what we were doing before I left the house and dressed Beanie Boy accordingly.  He had a long sleeved vest, a long sleeved top, trousers, socks, booties and scratch mitts.  Whenever he is in his car seat he always has a large blanket over him which is folded in half and half again.  We were going from our back door to the car (about 10 steps) and from the car to the Supermarket front door (about 200 yards) so I didn’t feel it was necessary for him to wear a hat.  If we were going out for an afternoon stroll then he would DEFINITELY have been wearing his hat and some warmer gloves.  Before I put him into his pushchair I wrapped him up in his blanket and made the blanket into a hood.  So in my mind, he was warm enough!  But apparently not, as I was leaving the supermarket I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see a man behind me.  He pointed to Beanie Boy and said “no good, he needs a hat!”.  I looked at him in disbelief and eventually said “no thank you, he’s fine” and then as I looked to the man he was walking with they both began to shake their heads and TUT at me!!!!!  I was fuming!! How dare they judge me and tell me how to care for my baby?

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On the way home I began mulling this over in my mind, were they right?  Should he have had a hat on???  Was my baby cold because I hadn’t dressed him appropriately.  I felt his head and to me he felt very warm, he hadn’t woken up at all and was still sleeping soundly so I would read that as him being warm and snuggly?  Was I failing as a Mum?

Earlier in the day I had attended a Breastfeeding Peer Counsellor group and we were all talking about our experiences of early breastfeeding.  All of the other Mums said that they kept a log of the times and length of feed, and times/contents of nappies.  I didn’t do this?  Should I have been doing this?  Did I miss the antenatal class where they told you that you should be keeping a log of feeds and nappies, or did this idea just come naturally to some Mums, if so, why not me?

I can’t believe that one little comment from someone could have unsettled me so much, I refer back to my initial paragraph – “On the whole I think I’m a pretty good Mummy, I love my children ‘to infinity and beyond’ and I try to always do what is best for them, they are my priority and I would never do anything to harm them” – why should I let a stranger make me doubt myself so much!!  I don’t know – he just did!

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6 Comments

  1. motherofintention
    November 13, 2010 / 8:03 am

    I once saw a woman pushing her child around in a pushchair. No coat, no blanket, and no shoes and socks! This child was crying, and as her feet were bright red i’m not surprised…..this was the middle of winter and it was bitterly cold.
    I would have approached her but somebody else beat me to it!

    But there is a huge difference between what I saw and what you did with Beanie Boy. You are his mother, and you know what is right for him. I think it’s emotionally harder to deal with this kind of interference when baby is young and you are tired. I cried and shouted when a woman removed Bam’s dummy in a shop one day(waking him and making him cry), she was very critical and got short shrift from me when i explained he needed it to settle his sicky-ness…..and that it was none of her damn business whether I gave him one or not.
    As for the BF mothers keeping a log of feeds and nappies….how many are first time mum’s? And do you know what……i did that with Bam, for a couple of weeks. It was just about the only way I think of to have some control over my life, and then I realised I was stressing about it too much and stopped.

    You will look back at this blog in the not too distant future and probably chuckle at yourself getting worked up about some daft bloke in a supermarket car park, but as all us mothers know at the time a comment like that really does have the ability to cut deep…..

    You’re a great mummy, and you’re doing really well…….adopt a 4 year old’s attitude to this and blow raspeberries behind the back of the next person to stick their nose in where it’s not wanted!

    • mummymatters
      November 15, 2010 / 9:19 pm

      Yeah I’ve seen children like that myself and wondered what the parents must be thinking, I would NEVER take my children out like that but I also weigh up what activities we’re doing before I get them dressed for leaving the house.

      I love your advice and I think I may well start blowing raspberries at people! LOL!!

      Thanks xx

  2. Phillippa
    November 13, 2010 / 3:50 pm

    What a load of rubbish, i completely agree with you Caroline. I remember with Libby she was quite small and people got me in such a tizz about her size – in the end i stopped going to the health visitor to have her weighed as it always ended in tears (mine) – i was happy after that.x And as for Libby she was never unhappy in the first place !

    • mummymatters
      November 15, 2010 / 9:16 pm

      I had exactly the same problem with Little Bean and she has turned out absolutely fine – just still can’t get her to eat properly but she’s never been a sickly child so we must be doing something right with her! Thanks xx

  3. Jo
    November 14, 2010 / 12:30 am

    Don’t let a stranger bother you so much my lovely, you are a GREAT MUM! sending you hugs from down under ((xxxxx))

    • mummymatters
      November 15, 2010 / 9:15 pm

      Thank you, I think he just got me “on the hop” as I really wasn’t expecting it. I know in my mind I’m a good mum and do what is best for my children but it did make me question whether I was right on that occasion. Beanie Boy hasn’t left the house without a hat since! xx

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