For the past two weeks I’ve not been feeling myself, those who know me would probably describe me as cheeky, cheerful, chatty, confident and outgoing but becoming a mummy for the second time around has changed me slightly. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love my children and they really do make me very happy but I fear that I may have been struck slightly by the dreaded Baby Blues!
Obviously being a Mummy to a toddler and a newborn baby is tiring, its not like when I was a first time Mum to Little Bean. If I didn’t get much sleep in the night, I could generally sleep late into the morning or whenever she was sleeping. But now that I have Little Bean and Beanie Boy, I don’t have that luxury.
Some days I feel absolutely fine – today is one of those days – but yesterday all I wanted to do was cry. I felt like I was a useless mother and wife. Everywhere I looked my house was a mess, there were jobs to do and not getting done. Everytime I fed Beanie Boy he would be sick and need a change of clothing, I bathed him to get him smelling all gorgeous and newborn again but he was sick the moment I got him dressed. Little Bean is being very testing too, I guess she’s trying to find her place in the family now that she is no longer “the baby”. She tells me herself that she is a “big girl” now and that Beanie Boy is her “Baby Brother” and Curly is a “Big Boy” but still she is definitely pushing the boundaries. Because I am breastfeeding Beanie Boy, he is taking a lot of my time and attention so I’m trying very hard to give her some quality time whilst he is sleeping but this isn’t leaving any time for “me”. My blog is taking a big back seat at the moment, which I miss – its my little escape. Not to mention all the craft projects that I enjoy doing, they were put in a cupboard when I moved house and have been gathering dust ever since. The thing is, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. My husband and my children are my world, it has always been my dream to be a mum to three, and that is what I am but no-one ever said it was going to be easy. Nothing prepared me for the change in my hormones and I think this is where I am at now.
I visited the Health Visitor today to get Beanie Boy weighed. I had decided before I went in that I would speak to her about how I was feeling but she didn’t ask how I was, she didn’t even ask how Beanie Boy was – she just filled in the red book to show his weight gain and gave me the book back without even raising her eyes to my face. So I left!
I had decided already that after Beanie Boy’s weigh in I would take the children for a walk around town and help us all to blow away the cobwebs. It was definitely the right decision, I love walking and haven’t been able to for a long time because I found it too tiring at the end of my pregnancy. I love to be out in the sunshine and fresh air, I love people watching and just seeing what the world has to offer. As promised I took Little Bean to the park so she could have a play whilst I fed Beanie Boy. The park is a secure gated one so I felt happy to sit on the bench and watch my daughter enjoying herself with the other children. After 10 minutes two older children came in with their Grandma, Izzy was 9 years old and her brother James was 7. Izzy and Little Bean took quite a liking to each other and played very happily despite their 6 year age gap (of course her brother Curly is 9 so she is comfortable around older children). Little Bean asked me if to go and push her on the swings but as I was breastfeeding I couldn’t really help so I told her that I would do just as soon as Beanie Boy was finished. Izzy’s Grandma then came and said that she would happily put her on the swings and push her if it would help me out. I thought this was a really nice gesture and Little Bean certainly appreciated it. Izzy and her Grandma played with Little Bean for about 10 minutes whilst I finished feeding Beanie Boy and was then able to join them. I thanked her for her kindness and she said that she remembered how hard it was for her daughter when Izzy and James were little so she was happy to help. She really put a smile on my face and made a little girl happy!