Don’t you just have those days where you wish you’d never got out of bed!?!? I did today – when I woke up I didn’t expect it to be like that. I had no particular plans, the world was my oyster so I sat over breakfast with Little Bean trying to decide a plan of action. I needed to exchange a shirt I’d bought for Hubby’s birthday so I thought we would have a trip to the local shopping centre for wander and spot of lunch. I texted our good friends at Cafebebe to see if they wanted to join us after Little Bean’s morning nap and the plan was hatched. What I failed to realise was that Little Bean had no inclination to follow this plan with me. I put her to bed at the usual time and she laid there rubbing her eyes so I thought “bingo” – I went off to have my shower and decided that as she would be asleep for approximately two hours I would have plenty of time to colour my very faded hair!! And that was where the day started to go seriously wrong, my hair should have been a nice chocolate brown but came out about a shade lighter than black! Then Little Bean decided that actually she didn’t need a nap and so laid there kicking the walls and shouting, she was still rubbing her eyes but clearly her “nap” time was over so we arranged to meet Cafebebe earlier. Little Bean is at that stage at the moment where she can’t decide if she wants one or two naps a day, two is almost too much but one isn’t quite enough. Neither me nor her really know what to do about it. If she has one nap, she is pretty much a stress head for the rest of the day, but with two she struggles to get herself off to sleep.
We met up with Cafebebe and Little Miss and headed to M&S for our lunch. I was very pleasantly surprised by the prices of the food in there, only £2 for a child’s pizza and £3.95 for a yummy jacket potato, cheese and salad for me. I asked Little Bean what she wanted for her lunch and she asked for Pizza so that is what I ordered. When it arrived on the table it looked lovely, just how she likes it so I chopped it up on the plate and put it to one side to cool. This was pretty much when Little Bean decided that she didn’t want it. She kept trying to climb out of her high chair, bang spoons on the table and basically just make a nuisance of herself. No matter how many times I tried to persuade her to eat some pizza she wasn’t playing the game so we left with her eating nothing. For the remainder of the afternoon she complained of being hungry but still didn’t want to eat the pizza which I had taken with me in a resealable bag.
After leaving our friends at the shopping centre at 3pm I needed to kill an hour before my hair appointment at 4pm so I got Little Bean out of her pushchair so she could have a wander around under her own steam but all that ensued was a barrage of temper tantrums, all arms and legs flailing, screaming, tears – the works! I tried ignoring her but they didn’t stop, I tried getting down to her level and talking to her but that didn’t do it. I tried picking her up and carrying her but that didn’t work – she just kicked out at me and with a baby on the way I didn’t want to take any chances so I put her back down and just tried to keep her moving forward as best as I could. We eventually made it back to the car and had the quick stop at the hairdressers (fringe trim – 5 mins) and all seemed well. The journey home is approximately 10 minutes and yes, you guessed it, she fell asleep 5 minutes from home. For most Mums this is a good thing but for me this is a nightmare as she would then consider that as being her nap, I tried taking her straight up to her room without talking to her and put her into her cot but the damage was done, she was awake and she wasn’t going back to sleep for any amount of begging and pleading! So I was left for the rest of the afternoon with a very tired, very stroppy 1 year old.
I finally reached that point where you can’t take anymore at about 5.15pm and broke down in tears, I hate to cry in front of Little Bean because I guess that she doesn’t understand and I don’t want to upset her but I couldn’t hold back any longer. I was tired, stressed out, had the headache of all headaches and need I remind you, I’m hormonal so the tears just flowed. And how did Little Bean repay me? She climbed up onto my knee and slapped me across the face laughing as she did it!!!! Today I feel like I have failed as a mother, I know that there are others out there who have days like these but what scared me more than anything was the glimpse into the future that my precious little girl who I have waited a lifetime for doesn’t care for me and enjoys falling out with me. In all my dreams of being a Mum, especially to a little girl I’ve envisaged the sort of relationship I have with my Mum, we are best friends and love spending time together. I’d like to think that she would always turn to me in a crisis and never feel the need to hide anything from me but today I felt that we couldn’t have been further apart if we’d tried.
Here’s hoping tomorrow will be a better day!